Child Maintenance
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OK, it is correct that maintenance and contact are totally separate and you cannot stop or reduce maintenance because she is being difficult about contact. Whether or not you feel that is fair, that is the position. You can of course contact your MP about that if you think the law should be changed.
The issues about any lies or cheating are also irrelevant to the issues of contact or maintenance, so try to avoid raising those in mediation as it wastes time and won't progress things.
Most of the loopholes which allowed parents to avoid paying maintenance by going self employed and mis-stating their income etc have been closed. If you increase your pension contributions that will reduce your maintenance but will of course also mean you have less money yourself, for day to day costs.
It may help to bear in mind that while the amount you are assessed to pay may feel like more than it would cost to meet your child's needs, that probably won't be true as the child gets older, so in future you will probably get to a point where what you pay covers less than 0% of your child's 'running costs' and, unless you chose to make voluntary additional payments, you ex will pick up the shortfall.
i am not sure that it is still possible to have costs of travel etc for contact taken into account, but check this with the CMS and find out how to apply, if it is still possible.
Contact is a separate issue and if you can't resolve this through mediation it would be open to you to apply to the court. Assuming that the child is old enough that mum is no longer breast feeding, there is no reason why contact should not include overnight staying contact, perhaps every other weekend Friday night to Sunday night, plus extra for holidays. If you do have regular overnight contact this will reduce the maintenance you pay, and as both parents have an obligation to support contact you can ask the court to include in the order the arrangements for hand overs, for example for you to collect your child at the beginning of the contact and mum to collect from your home at the end (mum delivering and you returning might give you more time with your child, but it is easier for mum to cause problems, so the other way round may be better if she she is likely to be difficult)All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)0 -
OK, it is correct that maintenance and contact are totally separate and you cannot stop or reduce maintenance because she is being difficult about contact. Whether or not you feel that is fair, that is the position. You can of course contact your MP about that if you think the law should be changed.
The issues about any lies or cheating are also irrelevant to the issues of contact or maintenance, so try to avoid raising those in mediation as it wastes time and won't progress things.
Most of the loopholes which allowed parents to avoid paying maintenance by going self employed and mis-stating their income etc have been closed. If you increase your pension contributions that will reduce your maintenance but will of course also mean you have less money yourself, for day to day costs.
It may help to bear in mind that while the amount you are assessed to pay may feel like more than it would cost to meet your child's needs, that probably won't be true as the child gets older, so in future you will probably get to a point where what you pay covers less than 0% of your child's 'running costs' and, unless you chose to make voluntary additional payments, you ex will pick up the shortfall.
i am not sure that it is still possible to have costs of travel etc for contact taken into account, but check this with the CMS and find out how to apply, if it is still possible.
Contact is a separate issue and if you can't resolve this through mediation it would be open to you to apply to the court. Assuming that the child is old enough that mum is no longer breast feeding, there is no reason why contact should not include overnight staying contact, perhaps every other weekend Friday night to Sunday night, plus extra for holidays. If you do have regular overnight contact this will reduce the maintenance you pay, and as both parents have an obligation to support contact you can ask the court to include in the order the arrangements for hand overs, for example for you to collect your child at the beginning of the contact and mum to collect from your home at the end (mum delivering and you returning might give you more time with your child, but it is easier for mum to cause problems, so the other way round may be better if she she is likely to be difficult)
The last activity from the OP was an hour after they signed up to the forums. This was nearly 3 weeks ago, i suspect they arent coming back and have found solutions/answers elsewhere.
I hope others get some value from it.0 -
Skeptical_Saver wrote: »Wow, again, I am staggered of how harsh people on this forum can be.
There's a lot of keyboard warriors on here, for sure. Give them an emotive topic (child maintenance, absent father, baby's mum a cheating lying 'female canine' etc etc..) and it's a case of: wind 'em up and watch 'em go. And don't forget the popcorn.0 -
I suppose it depends on what you consider harsh. If a child is yours then you should, as I posted earlier, cough up. A proved cheater should also be required to prove parentage, well actually if parentage is challenged anyone should. But (and it is a big but) no parent with care should be able to stop the other parent from seeing their child, I'm ignoring any abuse issues.
Some of us would actually like to prove the opposite. However unless my son was swapped at birth then there is no way I can deny his (a******) father paternity. As we have both been removed from the online family tree I'm sure you can see my point of view. (They can remove me after all the whole thing is much better forgetten, but to remove our (yes I did say our) son is disgusting/dishonest.0 -
I do appreciate everyones input, i'll give you a summary to where I am now.
I applied for contact (dna test sept 18 = positive, mediation oct 18, child contact order Nov 18). It took 10 months from the date of application to get a court order (took that long because of the usual false allegations and delay tactics used by the mother and their solicitor and later represented by a abnoxious arrogant rude barrister. note i represented myself in court due to my own financial reasons.
here i am now, with a court order issued sept 2019, where contact started 2nd november 2019. My two year old kid cried (no reflection on me) whenever the mom would leave but ive got weekly supervised contact for 8 weeks or so which i have to pay for and it is expensive on top of the child maintenance payments. Ive created another post to see if anyone can help me with variations on CMS as i have a cost associated with having physical contact with my kid.
i also had to attend a spip where i met other people in situiations worse than mine and some poeple in better circumstances.
thanks to all for advice and some for stating the obvious, be grateful you arent in my position, please abstain from treating me as a irresponsible guy. one of my main frustrations is the injustice in this world and how heavy weighted court orders and finance orders favour the mother whilst no one cares the same amount on how detrimental these processes are to the father trying to establish a meaningful relationship with his child/ren.0 -
Its a MoneySavingExpert myth that going self employed means you don't have to pay CM, or can pay less CM. The fact is, self employed people have to pay CM too.
The mothers behaviour is irrelevant, as it the amount of money your ex-girlfriends parents have. The matter is about your child only, and the contribution you will have to pay in order to help towards the upkeep of that child.
Can I ask why you don't want to pay for your child?0 -
Mr_GoldMine wrote: »I do appreciate everyones input, i'll give you a summary to where I am now.
I applied for contact (dna test sept 18 = positive, mediation oct 18, child contact order Nov 18). It took 10 months from the date of application to get a court order (took that long because of the usual false allegations and delay tactics used by the mother and their solicitor and later represented by a abnoxious arrogant rude barrister. note i represented myself in court due to my own financial reasons. - Good for you.
here i am now, with a court order issued sept 2019, where contact started 2nd november 2019. My two year old kid cried (no reflection on me) whenever the mom would leave but ive got weekly supervised contact for 8 weeks or so which i have to pay for and it is expensive on top of the child maintenance payments. - Paying in what way? Supervised contact would typically be at a contact centre? Ive created another post to see if anyone can help me with variations on CMS as i have a cost associated with having physical contact with my kid.
i also had to attend a spip where i met other people in situiations worse than mine and some poeple in better circumstances.
thanks to all for advice and some for stating the obvious, be grateful you arent in my position, please abstain from treating me as a irresponsible guy. - Lots of people have difficult relationships with the other parent, lots of people battle through the courts. I don't see how that's relevant to paying for your child though? The child didn't do this one of my main frustrations is the injustice in this world and how heavy weighted court orders and finance orders favour the mother whilst no one cares the same amount on how detrimental these processes are to the father trying to establish a meaningful relationship with his child/ren.
But presumably the initial order will then be varied to allow unsupervised contact etc.
The fact is the court is looking at the welfare of the child, and whilst it may seem unjust because your ex isn't being put through the same process; the matter of fact is that she is the primary care giver and there are no significant concerns around the care she can provide - she's been doing it for 2 years.
Meanwhile this is new to you and the child and the courts have rightly decided that a managed process is best for your child.
There's plenty of opportunity to build up that relationship. The child is 2, chances are they wont remember this time period.0 -
TODAY 8:23 AM
BAFEIts a MoneySavingExpert myth that going self employed means you don't have to pay CM, or can pay less CM. The fact is, self employed people have to pay CM too.
The mothers behaviour is irrelevant, as it the amount of money your ex-girlfriends parents have. The matter is about your child only, and the contribution you will have to pay in order to help towards the upkeep of that child.
Can I ask why you don't want to pay for your child?
I dont mind paying, it's just frustrating not knowing if the money is actually being spent on the child. I have been a victim of vehicle arson and my house windows being smashed, ordered by the ex. I'm paranoid she's causing criminal damage by hired help using my own earnings. What a life.
Plus I'd rather my kid knows it's coming from me, for all I know the mother saying shes paying the upkeep, not the father. brainwashing is a common thing now part of the disease of parental alienation in society.
Bottom line. I bet the mother is enjoying that supplemental Income from me more than what my child is benefiting.0 -
Mr_GoldMine wrote: »I dont mind paying, it's just frustrating not knowing if the money is actually being spent on the child. I have been a victim of vehicle arson and my house windows being smashed, ordered by the ex. I'm paranoid she's causing criminal damage by hired help using my own earnings. What a life. - why would she do that?
Plus I'd rather my kid knows it's coming from me, for all I know the mother saying shes paying the upkeep, not the father. brainwashing is a common thing now part of the disease of parental alienation in society. - it is, but you aren't going to stop the tide.
Bottom line. I bet the mother is enjoying that supplemental Income from me more than what my child is benefiting.
How much are you paying?0 -
As stated, the OP hasn't come back, so probably not genuine, but the bit that got me is the complaining about £75. Even if the ex is taking this money and spending it in Westfields (!), the child most like still costs more than £150 (if we are assuming the ex is also paying £75).
So the OP just sounds like they don't want to pay anything for their own child. It shouldn't matter how much each party is earning, it matters how much the child is costing!Pink Sproglettes born 2008 and 2010
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