Advice needed - House or Wedding?

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  • GDB2222
    GDB2222 Posts: 24,670 Forumite
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    Trina90 wrote: »
    We bought the house first, in 2015. Now we are just under 3 months away from the wedding. Don't regret doing it this way round!!

    You've paid off £20k of your mortgage over that time, so you deserve a knees-up. :)
    No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?
  • suki1964
    suki1964 Posts: 14,313 Forumite
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    Well seeing as the op hasn't been back, it's all a moot point really
  • pollypenny
    pollypenny Posts: 29,393 Forumite
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    suki1964 wrote: »
    Well seeing as the op hasn't been back, it's all a moot point really



    But the thread has been flagged up on the weekly email!

    Bit pointless. :)
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • Teacher2
    Teacher2 Posts: 546 Forumite
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    Rationally, the house always comes before the wedding. You can't live in a wedding. A wedding is not an appreciating asset and, as house prices rise much faster than weddings, you need to buy a house before you can no longer afford it. A wedding these days is a big one-day-and-it's-over, vanity party.

    That said, there are ways and ways of having a nice wedding.

    If you are prepared to marry out of peak season or in the week as opposed to the weekend there are many bargains to be had. You can 'crowd fund' instead of presents. You an forgo the honeymoon until you can afford it. You can split the event into a top notch do for immediate family and friends only, on one day, and then have a big party later for everyone else at a more reasonable cost. You can get friends to contribute their skills and time (cake making, flowers, bridesmaids' dresses. posh car, photographs etc.) You can split the cost between various parties. If the bride and groom and then the bride's parents and the groom's parents all contributed an amount each you could get a good sum together.

    I suggest you have a session storming ideas for a 'bang for your buck' wedding day.

    Mine cost £250 all in in 1979 and was planned and catered for by my DH and myself. It was very 'low rent' in terms of showing off but we had a great day and the pleasure of being in our first home with no debts hanging round our necks.

    It's the marriage that's important, not the party.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,550 Forumite
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    Teacher2 wrote: »
    It's the marriage that's important, not the party.

    Some of us like a good party too.

    It doesn't need to cost the earth.
  • Nana_neat
    Nana_neat Posts: 1 Newbie
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    Your other half wants a big wedding, you want a house. Why not work out, together, how you could both enjoy the big wedding on a budget. Search for a secondhand dress, surprising how many 'new' dresses are out there ( not been worn), which of your friends have a big car they would lend for getting to church and reception, hiring a hall for reception. Relatives and friends donating the food for the reception. What other ways can you both come up with go beat the cost, and still have some left over towards the house deposit. You'll be very surprised, I'm sure. Whatever, good luck to you both.
  • aquarius02
    aquarius02 Posts: 36 Forumite
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    Getting married isn't about giving your fiance what she wants, but about coming to an agreement or compromise over what you both would like. She should be considering what you would like as well as just what she wants. If you carry on giving her what she wants all the time, then this doesn't portend well for a happy marriage or financial stability. Relationships are about compromise and give and take on both sides.You need to discuss this properly with her.
  • pogofish
    pogofish Posts: 10,852 Forumite
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    edited 15 March 2017 at 9:29PM
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    Vault101 wrote: »
    Hi - first post :) - sorry if this is in the wrong place.

    My GF and I are locked in a bit of a dispute at the moment. She wants to get married, and knows exactly what she wants in a wedding (and wants a big-ish wedding and there's little room for negotiation)

    On the contrary - You are one of the relatively few new posters who manages to find exactly the right place for their thread - Well done! :)

    To me your post sounds like your GF likes the idea of "getting married" a whole lot more than the actual realities of being married - and TBH, that's a huge warning sign to me.

    I've known plenty couples who have saved the expense of big fancy weddings - but still had a great time, in order to get a home and secure start in married life sorted. These tend to be the ones who stay together.
  • anto164
    anto164 Posts: 174 Forumite
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    My wife and I bought a house 4 months before our wedding.

    What we did, was save every penny we had spare for 4 years, the year after, spent every penny that we earned that year for a splurge year (including 5 abroad holidays), then that was it. We were FTB's living with parents, both with reasonably good jobs.

    We stretched ourselves for our house, but what we did was reduce our deposit amount down to 10% (We had enough for 20%), and used the money that we freed up to go towards our wedding (8 months ago). We still managed to spend a ridiculous amount on our wedding (and we were self funding for approx 85% of it), but it was a fantastic, fantastic day.

    It sounds like you have somewhere to live at the moment, so it's a very tricky position. She may see that you have security in that and that the next step is getting married. The only thing that you can do is try to convince that you don't need every single bell and whistle at the wedding, and economising is very much more beneficial, AND, rewarding. The money then saved can go to a house deposit. Or, split all savings, have a wedding pot, and a house pot, and never the two shall meet.

    Oh, and don't borrow for a party, it's rediculous.
  • Bumblebear
    Bumblebear Posts: 105 Forumite
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    My wedding cost £500 in... 2016 :) We bought our house first, once the furniture was in and assembled, we set about organising the wedding (2 months between moving in and wedding day). Neither of us have regrets that we didn't have a fancy party - it hasn't changed the fabric of our relationship, we already knew we wanted to grow old together, now we've got that in writing for legal purposes. I'm still proud to say I'm Mrs though :) I don't think starting married life with any disagreements about money is a good idea, especially if any of it comes 'on tick'.

    If the OP is still around perhaps some house viewings of the sort of places you would like to buy would be interesting for both of you, see what you want, then put the figures into a mortgage calculator on this site. Get some real figures - food for thought.
    Debt free as of 28/03/2017 (just don't ask about the mortgage :rotfl:)
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