Bank of mum and dad
Comments
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I would tell them that all your spare money is tied up in loans the siblings should have paid back by now, so if they can extract the money from their brother and sister they can take that and pay you back in 6 (or 12?) months. That way, you're making it clear that you would have treated the siblings the same if you could but it's the siblings who have let you all down. Perhaps if you are unwilling to be strict about the money, a bit of sibling pressure might help and it will also show that you are not a source of unlimited cash!0
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I have sympathy for the OP, as the one who is asking now is genuinely in need. The obvious answer is to put pressure on the other two, who haven't repaid, to cough up.
Your financial situation will have to be spelled out to them, as will the selfishness of the one gallivanting off on holiday with no regard for his debt.
Our two have always offered money back - so far we've been able to say it's ok, while we can we will do it. We have a friend who actually charges his kids interest if they borrow.Member #14 of SKI-ers club
Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.
(Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)0 -
Is that really the case though?pollypenny wrote: »I have sympathy for the OP, as the one who is asking now is genuinely in need. The obvious answer is to put pressure on the other two, who haven't repaid, to cough up.
Your financial situation will have to be spelled out to them, as will the selfishness of the one gallivanting off on holiday with no regard for his debt.
Our two have always offered money back - so far we've been able to say it's ok, while we can we will do it. We have a friend who actually charges his kids interest if they borrow.
Anyone can say they're in 'dire need of money'.
For some people that means not having enough money to buy food or pay the mortgage, to others it might mean having to downsize to 2 weeks in the Med instead of 3 weeks in Barbados.0 -
Thing is, you start lending money to one and then you have to lend to the others. You cant treat kids (even adult kids) differently as it causes divisions.
Either that or you dont tell the others that youve lent siblings money.0 -
I think the rub is that rather than paying you back one has chosen an expensive holiday which is totally wrong.
I went on an expensive holiday recently when I could have paid back a loan instead. But I had agreed with my mortgage lender that I'd pay the loan back over 25 years and only sooner if I felt like it, so they have no reason to complain.
Nor does the OP if he didn't specify a repayment date, or tell his children that he was calling in his loan and they should repay him as soon as possible, because he needed the money for his own needs or to lend it to their sibling. If you lend someone money without agreeing terms for repayment then of course you are going to be at the back of the queue.
You can be someone's creditor or their friend but not both.0 -
I think borrowing from a mortgage provider / bank is totally different from personal borrowing from family.
As for agreeing terms maybe they were wrong not to but you also like to think the kids are astute enought to realise mum and dad need the money and pay it back as a priority.0 -
Just tell him you would love to lend him the money but because his siblings didn't pay you back when they borrowed money, you now can't afford to.0
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Is that really the case though?
Anyone can say they're in 'dire need of money'.
For some people that means not having enough money to buy food or pay the mortgage, to others it might mean having to downsize to 2 weeks in the Med instead of 3 weeks in Barbados.
OP seems satisfied that her son needs the money as he is 'financially in the dire'. It would seem that dire is used as a euphemism!
The premise would seem to be that OP would like to lend the money (and could be paid back in a couple of months when inheritance comes along) but can't because savings have been used up on day to day living expenses and some loaned to other siblings who haven't paid back in full.I think borrowing from a mortgage provider / bank is totally different from personal borrowing from family.
As for agreeing terms maybe they were wrong not to but you also like to think the kids are astute enought to realise mum and dad need the money and pay it back as a priority.
I've always considered the 'bank of mum and dad' (where I'm the mum) to be totally different in that I've gifted money to my children and not expected or wanted to have it back.
I realise that I'm fortunate to be able to do that but I do think there's an element of good financial 'training' in that my children can manage independently, have never asked us for a penny so what we've given them just makes life a bit more comfortable.
Obviously we don't know the details of why OP's children have found themselves needing to borrow but I'd hope it was something really serious and unexpected (like redundancy or ill health) as it sounds to me as if mum and dad are only just managing themselves.
They need the money back from the two other children ASAP. If it helps to explain they need it for the brother then that might give some leverage.
After that I think I'd put some money aside in case child 4 ever asks and then stop lending! I think this particular bank should close down.0 -
I've always considered the 'bank of mum and dad' (where I'm the mum) to be totally different in that I've gifted money to my children and not expected or wanted to have it back.
Gifts and loans are very different beasts.
One of the key elements of a loan are terms to make legally collectible and have termination conditions,
Like if we(or you) die it is payable in full(ie. comes of their share of the estate).
Like a min monthly payment and a max end date.0 -
Inform the two who owe outstanding money that they have x months to repay it as you need it. See what they say and adjust the repayments accordingly. I would be absolutely livid if someone had pleaded poverty then booked a holiday - it would not be on and I would be making that point to them.
You have done a very nice thing for them, and deserve the respect of having it repaid.0
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