Made A Terrible Mistake

Mylife wrote: »

Sevenday thank you very much despite the situation not being ideal I'm so happy tired but happy. I wish I had a seven'day'!weekend;)

Snowbird at the moment I don't know how to deal with it. He is not making it easy by pushing for more. When I said no he threw a tantrum to the point where I had to cut contact. At one time I said he can visit with his sister but he said no. He wants to visit on his own We are being punished. Things will have to change but I honestly don't know how.

Is there a particular reason why you don't want him visiting on his own?
Do you feel he wants to restart your relationship and you might feel pressured?

CongratulationsI have just caught with your thread.
It's lovely to hear your daughter has arrived safe and sound.

I know at the moment things are not too great with the dad, but he is a man and they don't always (often) think straight, I'm sure that it will sort itself out at least I hope so.
For now, enjoy your daughter and start to make memories and ask your family to help out, they might think they are pushing themselves onto you.
Look after yourself as well, take care xx

I go back to a suggestion I believe I made much earlier in your thread. I really would seriously consider changing jobs as soon as you can, and / or moving away. No, you shouldn't have to, but if he is going to manipulate you and lie to you, then getting away would make that much harder for him.

Mylife - please don't feel responsible for your daughter's father's mistakes and choices. I understand you feel like you have made a mistake and not in a place you ever thought you would be, but you are. Its happened and you have a beautiful baby daughter. You made the decision to have her - so something was calling you and saying it was the right thing to do. I agree with others in that you need to consider changing your job, if you feel you have to keep that secret. However, I think it would be a good idea to talk with the father first. He needs to take responsibility for this too, the upbringing and financial responsibility of your daughter, his own issues with his wife and their children and of course what will be explained at work if necessary. In the grand scheme of things - is it so bad that you had an affair with someone at work? It happens all the time, people will talk about it for a little while until the next bit of gossip comes along. It's none of their business! The most important thing is that you are mentally and physically healthy to be able to look after that baby of yours. Life will take over, that baby will grow up and you will be there for all those lovely milestones. I understand it might not be what you dreamt of - but you can make the best of it, in your own way.


I know its easy for me to say, mine was 22 years ago - honestly I can still sit and cry over my lost dreams of bringing up my son in a "normal" family, but in practical terms what's normal these days? Keep your chin up and put your big girls pants on :-) Keep moving forward. I can only tell you how it worked for me and I hope a small part of that helps.


Take care
xx

Fantasy Land is a wonderful place.