Break up and feeling worthless

Options
245

Comments

  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,685 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Savvy Shopper!
    Options
    Sadly, this is the 3rd thread on the same subject (your relationship with this man):

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5617449

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5605680

    You are not the worthless one.
    He is.

    You've given him so many chances.
    Stand firm this time, because he will - like Arnie - be back.
  • hollydays
    hollydays Posts: 19,812 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Options
    MXW wrote: »
    I honestly don't think he's a liar (he's not intelligent enough) and I don't mean that in a nasty way. I think he's complicated and troubled.

    What’s in it for you being with a troubled man?
  • MXW
    MXW Posts: 563 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Options
    Pollycat wrote: »
    Sadly, this is the 3rd thread on the same subject (your relationship with this man):

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5617449

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5605680

    You are not the worthless one.
    He is.

    You've given him so many chances.
    Stand firm this time, because he will - like Arnie - be back.

    Sadly you are right. That's why I feel so worthless, because I have been forgiving and he's done it again.

    This time though I've given him more than a few home truths, it doesn't make for pleasant reading.

    I can promise you, there's no coming back from that!
  • MXW
    MXW Posts: 563 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Options
    hollydays wrote: »
    What’s in it for you being with a troubled man?

    Because I saw past that, quite a lot of his traits I found endeavour.... most people would find them odd. When things were good between us, I thought we were the luckiest couple going.....and then this happens!

    He will definitely not be looking for another relationship because he's too wrapped up in himself. No one else would put up with him to be honest.
  • Detroit
    Detroit Posts: 790 Forumite
    Options
    His disengagement seems to have a pattern of following steps in the relationship that bring you closer.

    It's a bit like cats who purr when you stroke them, then suddenly turn and bite you for no reason. They do this apparently because they have become so carried away with the fuss that they suddenly feel they have lost control, and are vulnerable, so lash out from fear.

    Like a cat, your man sounds a solitary creature, who for reasons you'll probably never know, fears making himself vulnerable.

    Unfortunately, I highly doubt this will change. I think it's too late in the relationship for him to get over his issues. The pattern is set and will keep repeating as long as you allow it to.

    This is nothing whatsoever to do with anything lacking on your part. In fact, more likely the reverse, and you made him more happy than he was comfortable with.

    Do not let this effect your self worth. Try to accept this has happened due to issues you could not control and move on.


    Put your hands up.
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 32,742 Forumite
    Name Dropper Photogenic First Anniversary First Post
    Options
    This is the fourth time you've taken him back then he's dumped you by text.
    Aside from why on earth you let him back in without any proper conversation about the issues after the first time, this is not about you it's about him.
    Develop some self respect, delete him from everything, move on, don't respond to any further contact. Unless you want the same pattern on a loop forever.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • panagia
    panagia Posts: 152 Forumite
    Options
    MXW wrote: »
    He will definitely not be looking for another relationship because he's too wrapped up in himself. No one else would put up with him to be honest.

    Which is why sooner or later he'll be back knocking on your door again. Block him now and move on.
  • MXW
    MXW Posts: 563 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Options
    Detroit wrote: »
    His disengagement seems to have a pattern of following steps in the relationship that bring you closer.

    It's a bit like cats who purr when you stroke them, then suddenly turn and bite you for no reason. They do this apparently because they have become so carried away with the fuss that they suddenly feel they have lost control, and are vulnerable, so lash out from fear.

    Like a cat, your man sounds a solitary creature, who for reasons you'll probably never know, fears making himself vulnerable.

    Unfortunately, I highly doubt this will change. I think it's too late in the relationship for him to get over his issues. The pattern is set and will keep repeating as long as you allow it to.

    This is nothing whatsoever to do with anything lacking on your part. In fact, more likely the reverse, and you made him more happy than he was comfortable with.

    Do not let this effect your self worth. Try to accept this has happened due to issues you could not control and move on.

    Thank you for your reply. That makes a lot of sense!
  • calleyw
    calleyw Posts: 9,824 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    Options
    I have been there and got the T-shirt. Mine went on for nearly 4 years.

    I came out of it very broken. And even though its been nearly 2 years and I have a wonderful new partner who is amazing. I still have little to no confidence in myself.

    I can tell you when I meet my current partner. He could not wait to see me again. texted and phoned and made and still does make me feel very special.

    Block his number from your phone and move on. It will not be easy. but make new friends, find new hobbies. This man does not deserve your time or effort. Spend time on yourself. Make yourself happy.

    Its hard when you have feelings for that person. But please break free and start to live again.

    Take care and all the best

    Yours

    Calley x

    ps if you want to chat or need moral support. Please PM me more than happy to chat to you
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
  • MXW
    MXW Posts: 563 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Options
    calleyw wrote: »
    I have been there and got the T-shirt. Mine went on for nearly 4 years.

    I came out of it very broken. And even though its been nearly 2 years and I have a wonderful new partner who is amazing. I still have little to no confidence in myself.

    I can tell you when I meet my current partner. He could not wait to see me again. texted and phoned and made and still does make me feel very special.

    Block his number from your phone and move on. It will not be easy. but make new friends, find new hobbies. This man does not deserve your time or effort. Spend time on yourself. Make yourself happy.

    Its hard when you have feelings for that person. But please break free and start to live again.

    Take care and all the best

    Yours

    Calley x

    ps if you want to chat or need moral support. Please PM me more than happy to chat to you

    Thank you for that.... I might take you up on that chat. X
This discussion has been closed.
★ ★ ★ Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 343.2K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.7K Spending & Discounts
  • 235.3K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 608.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173.1K Life & Family
  • 247.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards