Don't we just love the drama!

Red-Squirrel_2 · 18 April 2017 at 12:46PM

leespot wrote: »

It is pretty clear that the son's mother was there out of nastiness and not to be helpful - why take another two uninvited family members with her?

Of course he should have run it past both his Dad and his Dad's partner out of respect - it is their home, not his. Even more so if he knew there was the possibility of any trouble.

How is it not his home?

leespot · 18 April 2017 at 12:54PM

You know exactly what I mean.

Pollycat · 18 April 2017 at 1:17PM

silvercar wrote: »

All very sad. Is it right that his dad puts conditions on the son being at his home? Dad should be opening the door to his son and working with him to further his education or training. Son is only 17.

It sounds like any amount of 'working with him' wouldn't work.

He apparently wasn't interested in working when he lived with his Mother and carried that on when he moved into his Father's house.

I think the sad thing is that the son seems to think he can lay about all day, get fed and be abusive when things don't go his way.

Helentiful wrote: »

My partner's ex-wife walked uninvited by us into our house. His son wanted to live with us because his mum was moving to Wales and he didn't want to move.! We said only on the condition that he found work. He's 17 and up to this point his mother had let him leave college and sit around doing nothing for months.!! He came to live with us but only emerged from his room to be fed. He never pulled his weight around the house and when we asked him, he refused to even look for work.! He then decided that he'd go to Wales to stay with his mother, however he left most of his belongings here.! I suspected that he wanted to flit between both places so he'd never have to look for work.! He phoned my partner a few days ago and said he was coming back. My partner said no because he still isn't looking for work.

So yesterday he just let himself in. My partner! asked him what he was doing and said "You told me that you're staying at your gran's." He said he didn't want to and my partner said he couldn't stay with us. I followed him to the room he'd been staying in and really calmly but firmly told him that he'd need to get a job, but he told me to f*** off.! I told him not to talk to me like that and he said he could f'ing talk to me any way he f'ing wanted and pushed me out the way.! I told him to leave my house and he said no.! Then he took his phone out and proceeded to phone someone. I thought it was his gran, who lives nearby.

I went into the garden with my partner! and a few minutes later I heard a female voice. He had let his mother into our house.! This is a property that we had bought together and she was specifically told she was not welcome here.! My partner asked her to leave, but she refused. I told her to leave and she still wouldn't so when she stepped over the door to put something in her car I slammed the door shut. The son opened it again and I told her to stay out my house, but she forced herself in and shoved me to the side.! She had her horrible brother and her man with her, who threatened to f'ing flatten me.!

It all got heated and my partner took me to the garden so they could get the son's things.! I really did not want her there as she was trespassing.! I'm still fuming. Who the hell does she think she is?! I had every right to use reasonable force to get her out. There was no violence, and I did wait for her to make the first move before trying to get her off my property. How dare they! Once they'd left I went into the room and they'd thrown everything around it.

I know she was there for her son, but she actually doesn't want him either and told my partner that he was a lazy good for nothing, but she was in my house uninvited and unwanted. Until this I'd never actually met the woman!

I'm fine, just angry! Still debating about seeing a solicitor to write to the three of them (not the son) telling them to stay away. I don't think I over reacted - some of you may argue with this, .but she seems to get kicks from upsetting my partner. Any advice would be helpful.

Red-Squirrel_2 · 18 April 2017 at 1:35PM

leespot wrote: »

You know exactly what I mean.

But that means that children never have a home until they grow up and move out!

At 17, if the son is lazy and unmotivated, surely both parents shoulder a share of the blame for that?

Spendless · 18 April 2017 at 1:46PM

He sounds like a teenager who has very much lost his way. Was he one of last year's school leavers?

My son left school last year, and his year group some have started A levels and then dropped them or changed sixth forms when the reality hasn't been the same as the expectation. Some have been kicked out - I expect that figure to go up by September when their end of year exams haven't been sufficiently high enough. Some are loving the college course they did as a last resort when they couldn't find a suitable apprenticeship and so on.

They've gone from knowing exactly what was expected of them up to GCSEs and then not really known what to do next.

Was the college course your step son was doing, something he was interested in? Even if it was sometimes the course content, the tutor or the institute you're learning in might not appeal.

You say his Mum was moving to Wales and he didn't want to go. Had this been a long term plan he was aware of and was it thought out how he could continue the college course if he also moved away, or is this one of the reasons behind the course being dropped?

leespot · 18 April 2017 at 2:46PM

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

But that means that children never have a home until they grow up and move out!

At 17, if the son is lazy and unmotivated, surely both parents shoulder a share of the blame for that?

It doesn't mean that at all. Children should have respect for the home the parents provide them with - and that has to include respecting both his Dads and partners wishes. It would have taken nothing at all but manners to have asked his Dad and partner if they were OK with his mum helping take his things.

The lazy and unmotivated aspect is not the same issue.

silvercar · 18 April 2017 at 3:37PM

Flick216 wrote: »

It;s not sad at all! The son seems to think he can just bum around - 17 or not - that's not acceptable.

Of course it isn't acceptable, but it also isn't acceptable in my mind for a parent to put conditions on their child living with them.

LemonSocks · 18 April 2017 at 3:53PM

Helentiful wrote: »

He phoned my partner a few days ago and said he was coming back. My partner said no because he still isn't looking for work.

Helentiful wrote: »

I know she was there for her son, but she actually doesn't want him either and told my partner that he was a lazy good for nothing

Putting the partner aside for a second, it is pretty sad that the son is clearly not wanted by either mother or father (for whatever reasons).

Perhaps the constant negative perception the parent's are projecting onto him isn't particularly motivating him to look for work. I do get the impression that neither parent speaks to him with respect or tries to help and develop him.

And he is still a child. Kick him out by all means when he hits 18, but for now both parent's should take some responsibility.

Flick216 · 18 April 2017 at 3:55PM

silvercar wrote: »

Of course it isn't acceptable, but it also isn't acceptable in my mind for a parent to put conditions on their child living with them.

He is 17 not 7. Yes - of course a parent should provide a roof over their head and basic food - but there would be no internet, no washing, no cooking etc unless they pulled their weight. If the son was at college or uni then I would give full support. You can't teach kids that they can get a free ride - there are no free rides in the real world.

pelirocco · 18 April 2017 at 4:21PM

leespot wrote: »

Agreed - but there is no obligation for the ex to be involved at all. Any contact with her can be done by phone / messaging - she doesn't need to be in the house.

Why would there be no obligation for the ex to be involved ? after its her son too

Don't we just love the drama!

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