Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

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  • trix-a-belle
    trix-a-belle Posts: 1,479
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    edited 14 May 2018 at 10:08PM
    Mooloo wrote: »
    He is apparently coming in again tomorrow!
    His chatter is costing me time.
    So I think I will "call him into the office @
    Tell him that I am loosing money chatting when I already have work. That I don't need his work as I already have too much to handle and that although I see his passion and I enjoy one off design I do not want or need to work for less to fit his budget.
    I am happy to create something to help him sell his ideas, but I am not prepared to give him my designs, and I am too expensive!
    Cos I am

    definitely tell him!
    As was suggested on another forum I read when someone asked for suggestions on a time vampire client who constantly checks up on their jobs or wants to come in & chat
    "Do what lawyers do, tell her you'll let them know when jobs are done, and if they want to check up on you you'll bill your hourly rate, and bill minimum 15 min per call/chat. I told a customer I would do that every time they emailed me and all of a sudden they didn't email me every other hour."
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  • Savvy_sewing
    Savvy_sewing Posts: 11,574
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    Late last night Biggest messaged me telling me that her Husband is not coping with the situation over DS it sounds like he went to DS and the place was in a worse state, although he was out, so he was looking in through the window etc. Apparently he's under the impression DS was with one of the family from hell getting stoned. Mind you when I spoke to DS he didn't sound off his tree, and I hope he wasn't as he was driving. (On hands free).
    I have told them that they need to call someone at Social and find out what they are doing and the time scale on returning the boys to them (or not), and if it is too much for them then they will have to let them go. She says it would break her heart because the baby is a beautiful little boy, but I have told her that she needs to be realistic and that she can't ruin her marriage for her brother. (Especially if he is not changing his ways).
    Of course I have been trying to figure out if I could do it, bu(if I gave up the Shop), but in reality I am not sure if I could as we have said on here I am rather too old and not sure if I could.

    Told you my head is a cement mixer
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • Slinky
    Slinky Posts: 9,910
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    Oh good lord, how long until the GF is pregnant again? It'll happen if he doesn't have the snip, and what are you going to do then?


    I feel for you Mooloo but those poor kids need to go to somebody who will cherish them before they have done irreperable damage. Whether that's your daughter if she can manage or to somebody else, but it's quite clear that they have absolutely no chance in life being brought up by your son and his GF, and their life will most likely repeat that of their parents.
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  • Savvy_sewing
    Savvy_sewing Posts: 11,574
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    God this is all so hard to deal with.
    How do I possibly know what I am capable of doing, or not
    I am lost in my cement mixer head at the moment.
    I think we need to talk to Social and find out what exactly is their plan.
    I don't think that the boys would be going back to my Son realistically.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 89,816
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    I have no words of wisdom.
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
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    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • ivyleaf
    ivyleaf Posts: 6,431
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    I can't do anything apart from sending virtual (((HUGS))), Mooloo, but I am so sorry. You must be heartbroken :(

    Talking to Social sounds a good idea.
  • ognum
    ognum Posts: 4,835
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    I also have no words of wisdom, I will write down my thought and as usual they are just that.

    It is unlikely that DS and his partner will ever be perfect parents for the children to return to, the question is how bad are they?

    At the moment the children particularly the baby is young so if the SS can find a long term foster placement or adoption (despite that being hard on your heart Mooloo) this might be the way forward.

    It is possible that actually biggest having the children is damaging another family, her family, she is pregnant and this is not how they planned life. She is being tremendous to accept the children, but how is it on her children.

    In my experience with friends who have adopted SS take the course of least resistance and least expense to them so unless Biggest says we can!!!8217;t cope they will do nothing and have no back up plan. Certainly the longer a child is exposed to poor unstable parenting the more damage is done.

    While the children are with Biggest you son and his partner do not have to fight for them or make any changes, they can plod along in their own way smoking a bit of dope and living in a pig sty, they know where the children are and can feel happy that if or when they get their act together they will get them back.

    If the social services are forced to act then there is a make or break for your son and in some ways that is a make or break for your relationship and the way you feel about him. You (and I would be the same) don!!!8217;t want to walk that road.

    My opinion and only mine as I said ignore me it!!!8217;s not my life is that I would push for these young children to get some stability. I applaud Biggest but it!!!8217;s not with her. If you can take three small children for life not just for a few weeks then maybe it!!!8217;s with you but you already understand the difficulties which will get older as your DGD gets older and so do you.

    Mooloo I have said to you before that I believe a mother can only be as happy as thier saddest child (of course it depends on your relationship) but I believe this apply to grandchildren too.

    So for me I would push to get these children into a stable caring home where they can stay and try to live a happy life. Social services and your family need to decide where but don!!!8217;t push them from one place to another it just not fair for their future life.
  • pollyanna_26
    pollyanna_26 Posts: 4,839
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    Mooloo I am so sorry for the worry you are now feeling . I've finally caught up on all the events and agree with much of Ognum's post above .


    Biggest has a kind heart like her Mum but I feel this time she's trying to take on too much . She's already waiting for her child to be born and although her husband has welcomed the two little ones it isn't the life they had planned before the problems with your son's children came to a head . In time this could destroy their marriage .


    In your case your priorities are your dgd , your mum , yourself and the work that keeps the rent paid and you and dgd fed . You already spend time going into school to intervene re bullying and the various things that stop dgd going to school without an argument .


    You cannot take on any more than you already have to cope with ,



    My middle daughter works in childcare and the major part of her work is identifying those pre school children with various issues from poor hearing , speech development , possible asd and other health or development issues .


    Sadly much of her time is spent as a safeguarding officer picking up on neglect , malnutrition , physical or mental abuse and others .


    In these situations after initial engagement by family and agencies has failed she will escalate things and often the result is foster placements for young children while various ways of trying to get the parent(s) to take help and support are worked through .


    Depending on the outcome some will be returned home in time and others placed for adoption . The younger the child the better action is taken soon while they are less likely to experience too much of the chaos of their home life .

    .


    The aim is to break the cycle . If parents engage fine if not every child deserves to be loved and cared for .


    It is heartbreaking Mooloo but you need to think very hard about how long Biggest and yourself could deal with this day in and day out . I'm not too hopeful but foster care could shock your son into action but I wouldn't put money on it .
    Strength and wisdom plus a hug to you .
    polly
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  • Savvy_sewing
    Savvy_sewing Posts: 11,574
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    I have gone through one emotion after another. I have said that I would have to try, but then as you all say. I actually have to use my head not my heart and I am not getting any younger etc
    Social are coming to see Biggest on Thursday and she wants me to go.
    I will arrange for the Shop to be covered with my Seamstress and support her.
    Reality is that we have to think of all of the other children in the family and those boys.
    Realistically I cannot do it.
    Realistically Biggest cannot do it.
    My sisters Daughter is considering putting herself forward but her kids are older.
    I have to think of the bigger picture and although I don't want to loose them they will be better with foster parents and if necessary adoption like my other boys.
    It is hard to say or think but I have Dgd and a business to run.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 89,816
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    Mooloo wrote: »
    I have gone through one emotion after another. I have said that I would have to try, but then as you all say. I actually have to use my head not my heart and I am not getting any younger etc
    Social are coming to see Biggest on Thursday and she wants me to go.
    I will arrange for the Shop to be covered with my Seamstress and support her.
    Reality is that we have to think of all of the other children in the family and those boys.
    Realistically I cannot do it.
    Realistically Biggest cannot do it.
    My sisters Daughter is considering putting herself forward but her kids are older.
    I have to think of the bigger picture and although I don't want to loose them they will be better with foster parents and if necessary adoption like my other boys.
    It is hard to say or think but I have Dgd and a business to run.

    No easy answers.
    As you say you have the business & DGD :(
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
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