All change..... Determined to be solvent, single and successful

mumblingtaff · 1 April 2018 at 3:23PM

Hello!
I think this is my third diary - I posted regularly for a long time a year or two ago and then life just got in the way and my focus changed.
So much has happened recently that I think a new start and a record of my successes and hiccups will help to keep me on track.

So, what's changed...? Well, I'm on the senior leadership team at a large secondary school, live alone with an ancient fat little dog and am in the process of becoming single again after 5 years. My OH became my boss in September and its been downhill since then really, I won't bore you with the details but it's not been great and I finally broached it with him last week and he hasn't spoken to me since ...... Not the reaction I'd hoped for but perhaps expected.
Earlier this year, I was passed over for a job that I've been doing informally for almost a year and that didn't help matters and have finally found the gumption to start applying for new jobs. That didn't go down well with OH either but he encouraged me to at the time of the original job issue, don't think he thought I would. I've found the work situation really difficult as nobody knows the real reason I didn't get the job and now it's at the point that I don't want to be there anymore.

On top of that, I had some health news that stopped me in my tracks in February - I have the breast cancer gene and have a one in three chance of developing it in the next 8 years.... The hospital have been great and there's a prevention and monitoring plan in place including taking tamoxifen (not lovely side effects but better than cancer!) and lots of screening, but if I'm honest, it's made me reevaluate life a bit.
Add to that lot that my dad has prostrate cancer that may have spread ( new biopsies soon to confirm ) and the worry that brings (my mum is useless and my sister has disabilities and with the best will in the world still needs care) and I've just had to say enough is enough - I'm 46 and things need to change, life is too short!!

So to sum up.... Relationship going down the swanny, need a new job, health needs serious attention and family all need looking after.

So a new start..... Here we go!! Xx

Poor_Single_lady · 1 April 2018 at 3:35PM

Hi Mumblingtaff

Hope the new diary helps and you can get things where you want them.

A re evaluation can do wonders. xxx

RosaBernicia · 1 April 2018 at 3:38PM

Hello mumblingtaff, I thought your name looked familiar.

I hope your new diary and new start take you wonderful places.

Rosa xx

mumblingtaff · 1 April 2018 at 3:48PM

So now you know the background let's move on to the plan.....

Health is obviously the focus for the foreseeable so I've sorted out the fog in my brain and will....

1. Start running again
2. Rejoin slimming world
3. Eat better food
4. Cut right down on booze
5. Start taking the medication advised by the consultant

Progress has been made on these issues this weekend and yesterday I went for an hour long walk along the river (very bracing) and, this morning, joined a new running club for beginner to intermediate runners. Was a bit nervous about going but forced myself and thoroughly enjoyed it!! It's amazing what a bit of a kick up the bum can do to your motivation. I wasn't the only newbie and the women there were mostly my age, in varying shapes and sizes and differing fitness levels but they were all absolutely brilliant and really welcoming. So glad I made the effort! The running bit was great but the social side and camaraderie was just as good. I've arranged with two of the other first timers to meet up and go again on Tuesday so I can't get out of it now! One of the best decisions I've made in a very long time.

I've been taking vitamins and calcium religiously since I saw the consultant and have started to cut down on the booze - but this is an area that I can do much better at.
Slimming world will start again this week - just need to find it if my old group is open on Easter Monday as I need to strike while the iron is hot and before I bottle out. Once I'm there I'm fine but can find any number of excuses not to go!

I have two Easter eggs - one of which is open - I'll finish that off today before starting the diet properly and the other one can be given away. Get me... Giving away chocolate!!
I'll need to do a bit of a shop for fresh things once I'm all weighed in (not looking forward to that at all but needs must).

So that's the health bit addressed - will report on my progress as I go along - I'm sure there will be bumps along the way but the alternative is a very scary thought so I need to change. Kick me if you see me wavering too much!!

Jobs ..... I've applied for two but won't hear anything (if at all) until after the Easter holidays and there's one more really good one that I'm going to apply for - needs doing next week. Just the act of applying has made me feel better and more in control. We'll see....

mumblingtaff · 1 April 2018 at 8:31PM

I just realised that I haven't mentioned money at all and this is MSE!

Thankfully, financially I'm ok at the moment - my salary is good, I have a smallish mortgage and about £200,000 equity, my utilities and other bills are as low as they can be and I have about £8500 in savings.
However, I do have about £800 on my credit card from various bits of emotional spending and £300 on my Next account (buying interview suits... That went well!!) which I'm hoping to pay off ASAP without touching my savings. I've budgeted for this month and will list the outgoings in a minute but it's totally doable.
I get paid around the 30th of each month so it's just gone into the account and I did a good overhaul yesterday and paid all the bills and shuffled some cash around into various accounts to stop me spending it

So the budgets for April are....
1. Grocery shopping £200
2. Social and spending budget £300
3. Petrol £80 (depends on whether I go home to Wales to see family or not, have accounted for this in case)
4. Vet £60 - dog has Cushing's syndrome that needs daily medication that can't be claimed on the insurance)
5. Haircut and colour £70
6. Dog haircut £30 (once every 3 months but is due)
7. Counselling appointment £50 - have had 3 sessions so far and it's kept me sane and helped me make a plan, was very sceptical but desperate and so far have been very pleasantly surprised with the difference it's made

All direct debits, standing orders and bills including a chunk off the CC have also been accounted for and I've paid off the £200 overdraft I managed to sleep walk into last month.

I've also put money into the following accounts - not as much as I usually do but I wanted to pay more off the card and get rid of the OD.
Savings
1. £100 holidays
2. £25 Xmas account
3. £50 House and garden account
4. £100 contingency account

So.....that's the state of the nation! I have £20 in my purse and I need to pay for rejoining slimming world tomorrow (£10 I think) but no other big plans for the day yet.
As if by magic, the slimming world consultant texted me this afternoon with the times of the meetings tomorrow so I have no excuse not to go.
I'll pop into the supermarket on the way home after the meeting but any spends will come out of the grocery budget.

I'm also trying to have a bit of a use it up week at home - eating what's in and using up toiletries etc rather than buying new. I'm on holiday so don't have the excuse of not having enough time.
Actually found a mini stash of lotions and potions this afternoon that I'd forgotten about (Xmas gifts etc) so will plough through it before buying new stuff. I will need the basics like shampoo, shower gel, deodorant by the weekend but have plenty of the more expensive luxuries.

Tea tonight was quorn meatballs in passata with herbs and pasta and there's a portion left over ready for tomorrow - I know it's SW friendly so thought I'd get organised so I didn't deviate on day 1!

Right, going to watch some telly and have a fairly early night.

Moneyfordreams · 2 April 2018 at 4:45AM

Sorry to hear things have been troublesome. I've had a few months away from mse but before that I enjoyed your previous diaries.

hopefully all of your plans will soon turn to achievements and well that man... he's so not worth you

mumblingtaff · 2 April 2018 at 7:54AM

Moneyfordreams wrote: »

Sorry to hear things have been troublesome. I've had a few months away from mse but before that I enjoyed your previous diaries.

hopefully all of your plans will soon turn to achievements and well that man... he's so not worth you

Thank you! In the words of Heather Small...."moving on up, moving on out, time to break free, nothing can stop me...!!" Be thankful that you can't hear me singing! (And I'm showing my age....)
With regards to him, I've given up. It hurts from time to time but it's also strangely liberating.

So, last night I watched Psycho 2 - there was nothing else on - quite enjoyed it. Then read in bed for a short while and had a good sleep, forcing myself back to sleep for an hour at 5.30.
It's absolutely pouring down here (think monsoon) and the dog is not looking very impressed with going for a walk so I might wait until mid morning to see if it blows over a bit, he's old and getting wet isn't much fun for him as his woolly coat takes so long to dry.

Have decided to bite the bullet and go to fat club at 10am for the weigh in - not looking forward to it, but needs must. Hmmmm......will report back on the damage......

mumblingtaff · 2 April 2018 at 12:05PM

Well, I've been to fat club after walking the dog in pouring rain and although it wasn't as bad as I'd expected it still wasn't great.... But it's all fixable with a bit of effort. I need to lose 20 lbs to make me happy - I'd then be well within a healthy weight range for me. My BMI is still ok but I feel flabby and fat and I want this period of my life to be positive and a new start and to feel good about myself (that hasn't happened for a while). So, it's baby steps with an end goal in sight

I stayed for the talk afterwards and chatted to some older ladies (only me and the blue rinse brigade, who were very nice, there on a very wet bank holiday Monday).
It's my aim to get out more, meet new people and do something other than work to make my break up easier and make me happier, so even little things like going to fat club and being sociable will help.

Went to aldi for the first time in ages on the way back to buy fresh stuff and was very pleasantly surprised - they've done it up and it's much nicer than before. Found the quality of things pretty good and the bill was only £29 including 3 diet ready meals for the freezer for when I can't be bothered and a big pack of diet cokes and some daffodils. That's at least £20 less than I usually spend in tesco. Will try to make an effort to go more often as it's much cheaper.

All in all not a bad morning......feel more organised and know what I have to do weight wise now ......

mumblingtaff · 2 April 2018 at 1:55PM

Been thinking about my situation and I think that I need something to focus on and aim for over the next few months to get me through what will be a difficult time at work.
So, here's a few rambling thoughts to ponder.....

1. Apply for any suitable jobs
2. Do the Manchester 10k at the end of May. Even if I have to walk some of it
3. Lose 20 lbs by the end of the school year so I'm holiday ready
4. Book a holiday
5. Renew my passport (now expired)
6. Get the bathrooms painted (have the paint and rollers but just haven't got round to it)
7. Have a good tidy out of the wardrobes
8. Spend some time with my family, important as dad is ill
9. Cultivate better friendships by making more effort with current friends
10. Start a new activity to meet more people - need to think about this one
11. Get the next hospital appointment sorted so I can start preventative treatment
12. Be more careful with money so I can enjoy life more spending it on useful or meaningful things not frittering
13. Pay off next card
14. Find a hobby I can do at home to stop me getting obsessive with work in the evenings (I won't get thanked for it so I'm not going overboard anymore)
15. Read a book a fortnight - used to read loads but it's slipped over recent months)
16. Renew my driving licence (still have the old paper version with my old address on it)
17. Go out somewhere once a week, even if it's the cinema or a cheap trip out somewhere
18. Cook something new once a fortnight
19. Laugh more
20. Go for a new walk every couple of weeks - I like being outdoors and tend to stick to the same old places
21. Take better care of myself, including my appearance

System · 2 April 2018 at 2:38PM

All sounds good MT , plenty there to keep you going. I do 90% of my shopping at Aldi. Budget £30 a week and it's normally less.

Assuming you are near Manchester , and yes the weather has been dire today. I haven't ventured out at all.

Will subscribe to your thread .

mummytogirls · 2 April 2018 at 3:23PM

Wow MT just caught up with your new diary.

Boo the bad news but you sound incredibly motivated which is a good thing. Will be willing you on xx

All change..... Determined to be solvent, single and successful

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