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  • FIRST POST
    • Baking Mad
    • By Baking Mad 12th Feb 19, 3:38 PM
    • 401Posts
    • 1,162Thanks
    Baking Mad
    Separation, is there a magical to do checklist?
    • #1
    • 12th Feb 19, 3:38 PM
    Separation, is there a magical to do checklist? 12th Feb 19 at 3:38 PM
    Marriage of almost 19 years is over, amicable decision, I wont go into the details of relationship breakdown.

    Since weve agreed on the separation a few days ago Ive been in this sort of numb state, maybe its shock. But I know that I need to pull myself together and start sorting things out. Where to start though? Can anyone help with advice please?

    So, we have 2 children,
    Different sex ages 14 and 8
    Me: self employed with tax year 17/18 income of 10900, likely to be about same this year too.
    Currently renting jointly with OH at 650 pm
    No tax credits now but I need to apply so any advice on applying/forms/timescale to first payment, etc would be much appreciated
    OH doesnt want to move from the house (his preference is for me and kids to move) Im desperate to stay in the house to give children some continuity, plus this is a 3 bed house so no issue with bedrooms because of different sex children. If I were to move I would definitely have to look for something smaller.
    So any advice on where I stand with regards to staying in the house would be great too.
    Debts: 2 credit cards both in OH name (I know its irrelevant since we are married) totalling around 16k. I think OH would be willing to deal with debt provided I didnt pursue for child maintenance but not sure if its even possible legally??? Any advice?

    If anyone has a magic checklist of things to do when separating Id love to see it, my head is spinning and Im struggling to make a plan.

    Thanks in advance
Page 1
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 12th Feb 19, 3:43 PM
    • 30,433 Posts
    • 78,090 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #2
    • 12th Feb 19, 3:43 PM
    • #2
    • 12th Feb 19, 3:43 PM
    Im desperate to stay in the house to give children some continuity, plus this is a 3 bed house so no issue with bedrooms because of different sex children.
    Originally posted by Baking Mad
    If you will be able to afford the rent, definitely stay in the house.

    www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ is a good site to help with the future journey through divorce.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 12th Feb 19, 4:04 PM
    • 2,767 Posts
    • 4,030 Thanks
    NeilCr
    • #3
    • 12th Feb 19, 4:04 PM
    • #3
    • 12th Feb 19, 4:04 PM
    You'll have to apply for Universal Credit now

    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/

    I agree with Mojisola about staying in the house

    If the debt is solely in OH's name then it is their responsibility. I, certainly, wouldn't be using it as a trade for child maintenance. I do understand that, morally, you may feel you should help but you need to be looking out for you and the kids first

    Run your situation through a benefits calculator like Turn2us to get some idea of what your numbers may look like

    https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou
    Last edited by NeilCr; 12-02-2019 at 4:07 PM.
    • Baking Mad
    • By Baking Mad 12th Feb 19, 4:08 PM
    • 401 Posts
    • 1,162 Thanks
    Baking Mad
    • #4
    • 12th Feb 19, 4:08 PM
    • #4
    • 12th Feb 19, 4:08 PM
    Im surprised to hear that about debt,
    I was under impression that all liabilities (as well as assets) are split 50/50 upon separation?

    Thank you so much for the link!
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 12th Feb 19, 4:16 PM
    • 2,767 Posts
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    NeilCr
    • #5
    • 12th Feb 19, 4:16 PM
    • #5
    • 12th Feb 19, 4:16 PM
    This may help a bit. There are other links in there, too

    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/sorting-out-money-when-you-separate/dividing-up-money-and-belongings-when-you-separate/

    One of my friends just split with her husband. He had a 25k debt in his own name to do with his business. He thought he could take that of the house sale. Her solicitor soon disavowed of him of that..

    It might be an idea to see if you can find a local solicitor who will give you half hour's advice free. We have a couple in our area. It may give you a general steer.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 12th Feb 19, 11:28 PM
    • 39,510 Posts
    • 36,576 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    • #6
    • 12th Feb 19, 11:28 PM
    • #6
    • 12th Feb 19, 11:28 PM
    You say it's amicable, so I'd say mediation would be a good step, to thrash out what's best. I'm sure he would prefer to stay put, but putting the children first should be the main priority for each of you.
    Still knitting!
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    • HampshireH
    • By HampshireH 16th Feb 19, 7:41 PM
    • 1,393 Posts
    • 1,710 Thanks
    HampshireH
    • #7
    • 16th Feb 19, 7:41 PM
    • #7
    • 16th Feb 19, 7:41 PM
    He expects you to uproot yours kids and move to a smaller place whilst he benefits from a 3 bed house

    Meh. Needs to be pointed out to him that forget about what you want it isnt in the kids best interest to do that and at the end of the day this will be equally as hard for them.
    • Accountant_Kerry
    • By Accountant_Kerry 17th Feb 19, 7:01 PM
    • 337 Posts
    • 459 Thanks
    Accountant_Kerry
    • #8
    • 17th Feb 19, 7:01 PM
    • #8
    • 17th Feb 19, 7:01 PM
    The debts would be split in a divorce. But you are only separating, until you have a financial court order the debts stay where they are.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 17th Feb 19, 7:22 PM
    • 2,767 Posts
    • 4,030 Thanks
    NeilCr
    • #9
    • 17th Feb 19, 7:22 PM
    • #9
    • 17th Feb 19, 7:22 PM
    The debts would be split in a divorce. But you are only separating, until you have a financial court order the debts stay where they are.
    Originally posted by Accountant_Kerry
    Sorry.

    Can you clarify that?

    Are you saying that "individual" debts ie those that are solely the responsibility of (and in the name of) one of the couple become joint debts and are spilt equally?
    Last edited by NeilCr; 17-02-2019 at 7:24 PM.
    • jackieblack
    • By jackieblack 18th Feb 19, 2:20 PM
    • 8,517 Posts
    • 13,665 Thanks
    jackieblack
    Are you saying that "individual" debts ie those that are solely the responsibility of (and in the name of) one of the couple become joint debts and are spilt equally?
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    AIUI, it depends.
    If it was, for example, a loan or credit card debt that was used on general household expenses or a family holiday, that would be treated as a debt of the marriage, in the same way that cash in a savings account in a single name, could be considered a joint asset.

    However, if the debt was built up solely by one party spending on themselves, for example, an expensive hobby, buying a motorbike to satisfy their mlc or weekends away with their mistress/toyboy, the judge would likely determine the debt to be the sole responsibility of the person whose name it was in.

    But, as previous poster stated, that only comes into play during a divorce when the financial settlement is being determined.
    Last edited by jackieblack; 18-02-2019 at 2:23 PM.
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    • dreaming
    • By dreaming 18th Feb 19, 2:43 PM
    • 735 Posts
    • 3,623 Thanks
    dreaming
    The ony real advice I would give to someone in your position is to take your time when making decisions. As you say, you are still in a state of shock - when my marriage broke down I felt the same even though I had half seen it coming. It is only looking back that I can see how, in the interests of keeping things amicable, I felt pressured into making decisions that I wish I hadn't. For example, within 4 months of separating the house had been sold as exH kept telling me how difficult it was to pay half the mortgage and rent at the same time so I agreed that the house should be sold. In retrospect I could have (just) afforded to buy him out of the mortgage and stayed in a house and area I really loved. It all worked out in the end and I am very happy now where I live after another house move but I would definitely say don't rush into agreeing to anything (especially about who leaves the current property), and listen to as much advice (impartial if possible) as you can.
    I hope things work out for you.
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