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    • Artdecogran
    • By Artdecogran 11th Feb 19, 5:19 PM
    • 3Posts
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    Artdecogran
    What do you think
    • #1
    • 11th Feb 19, 5:19 PM
    What do you think 11th Feb 19 at 5:19 PM
    My husband has recently died and I am going to buy a new house to share with my son and his wife and two children. I am going to pay for the house outright with no financial contribution from my son. He will pay all bills, council tax etc and maintain the property, gardens and my car. He will also look after me when my health deteriorates. The trouble I have is that I have two other sons. My husband and I had made a will that split everything equally 3 ways but now circumstances have changed and I don’t know what the right thing to do is. The son I am going to live with does not earn as much as the other two sons and has a disabled daughter to care for as well. I do not want him to have to move out when I die. Am I wrong to want to safeguard his future over his more wealthy brothers?
    Last edited by Artdecogran; 11-02-2019 at 5:21 PM. Reason: Mistakes
Page 1
    • borkid
    • By borkid 11th Feb 19, 5:29 PM
    • 1,997 Posts
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    borkid
    • #2
    • 11th Feb 19, 5:29 PM
    • #2
    • 11th Feb 19, 5:29 PM
    Personally I wouldn't take the amount they earn into account. How old are you? Would it be possible to take the amount he pays ie bills etc into account by having a running tally which is then be taken off the estate when you die and he has the first option on buying the house for market value minus bills paid plus an amount for caring for you if necessary ( use the industry standard for this). Plus you could leave a fixed amount to your disabled grand daughter which could be used as the parents think best.


    I would suggest your tell your other children of your reasoning or at least write it into your will.
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 11th Feb 19, 5:50 PM
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    Keep pedalling
    • #3
    • 11th Feb 19, 5:50 PM
    • #3
    • 11th Feb 19, 5:50 PM
    I don’t think you are wrong, especially as there is a disabled child to consider. You do have to be honest with your other children though.
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 11th Feb 19, 5:54 PM
    • 2,583 Posts
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    Robisere
    • #4
    • 11th Feb 19, 5:54 PM
    • #4
    • 11th Feb 19, 5:54 PM
    Speak to your other sons before you decide anything. They might agree with what you want to do: do they know first son's predicament, i.e. low earnings and disabled daughter? Are all your sons comfortable with each other? I come from a family of 3 sons, am the youngest and I know that it is not always the case that all siblings are happy with each other. I got on very well with senior brother, but neither of us could get on with middle brother.

    In your case I would stress that you will be well looked after in a family environment, you are looking to the future and how your health may be as you get older. If their brother is happy to look after you in the way you describe, that should represent an ongoing commitment of care which will hopefully last well into the future.
    I think this job really needs
    a much bigger hammer.
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 11th Feb 19, 6:35 PM
    • 6,163 Posts
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    sheramber
    • #5
    • 11th Feb 19, 6:35 PM
    • #5
    • 11th Feb 19, 6:35 PM
    Where do you live- Scotland, England , Wales, Ireland ? Inheritance laws differ.

    Will the house be in your name only?

    What happens if your son and his wife are no longer to care for you. If you develop something like dementia where you need 24 care will they be able to provide that while caring for two children? The value of your house/share of house may be included in assessing your capital for any state funding.
    • Marvel1
    • By Marvel1 11th Feb 19, 6:36 PM
    • 4,076 Posts
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    Marvel1
    • #6
    • 11th Feb 19, 6:36 PM
    • #6
    • 11th Feb 19, 6:36 PM
    You need to discuss with it them now.
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 11th Feb 19, 7:44 PM
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    theoretica
    • #7
    • 11th Feb 19, 7:44 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Feb 19, 7:44 PM
    Have you considered the possibility of setting up a family trust? So the son and granddaughter in question benefit during their lives, but afterwards it is split between all your descendants? Perhaps something to consider in your discussions.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 11th Feb 19, 8:36 PM
    • 7,223 Posts
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    TBagpuss
    • #8
    • 11th Feb 19, 8:36 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Feb 19, 8:36 PM
    I think that if you plan to leave things unequally, it would be a kindness to everyone to discuss it with your family ahead of time, so that they know what your reasons were.

    Other than that
    Have you considered options between leaving the house outright to your younger son and splitting everything 3 ways?

    For instance, you say that your son earns less than his brothers, but he is working, so presumably he and his wife have some mortgage capacity?

    You could consider an arrangement whereby they had a set period of time to allow them to buy out your other sons, for instance, and or an arrangement which left your estate in unequal shares to your sons.

    You also have to consider the possibility that if you were to become too unwell to be cared for at home, it might becomes necessary to sell the house in any event.

    DO you have any assets other than the house?
    • trailingspouse
    • By trailingspouse 11th Feb 19, 8:42 PM
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    trailingspouse
    • #9
    • 11th Feb 19, 8:42 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Feb 19, 8:42 PM
    What if you need to go into care - how will that be paid for?
    What if your son and his wife split up - and he's the one that wants to move out?
    What if your son pre-deceases you - would his wife still want to continue in this situation, with the possibility of ending up looking after an old lady and a disabled child?
    Do they own their own home currently? If so, and they move into a house that you've paid for, what will happen to their existing home, or the capital if they sell it?


    This needs a LOT of thinking about - and your son and his wife need to get independent advice so they can decide what's best for them.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Feb 19, 8:50 PM
    • 30,705 Posts
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    Mojisola
    My husband has recently died and I am going to buy a new house to share with my son and his wife and two children.
    Originally posted by Artdecogran
    I wouldn't make a massive change to life for some time after a spouse's death - let life settle and see how things are going in six months or a year's time.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 11th Feb 19, 8:57 PM
    • 4,527 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    Please don't take this the wrong way but what has changed for you to reconsider what your husband & you decided upon when you wrote your wills - presumably you discussed the contents before they were actually written?

    If nothing has changed then why your change of heart? I appreciate your husband has recently died so this may just you 'panicking' about the future.

    Personally I wouldn't rush into anything just yet & you give it at least a year before thinking about this.
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    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 11th Feb 19, 10:23 PM
    • 1,418 Posts
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    pickledonionspaceraider
    Dont rush in to anything at the moment.

    Wait for a year or so.

    Think about the repercussions and the wishes of your late husband

    Personally I think it unfair that the other two could end up paying the price for their success by inheriting less, but thats just me, and you have to do what you think right
    • babyblade41
    • By babyblade41 12th Feb 19, 6:37 AM
    • 583 Posts
    • 642 Thanks
    babyblade41
    IMO it wouldn't work .. maybe short term but long term this poses so many problems and eventually splitting a family.

    Wait for a while and maybe move close to your children but not in with them
    • BBH123
    • By BBH123 12th Feb 19, 8:02 AM
    • 954 Posts
    • 2,065 Thanks
    BBH123
    I think you should divide any monies equally between your 3 sons otherwise you will end up creating bad feeling.


    Successful children should not be penalised for doing well and inheritance money is not just viewed as ' money' it is viewed as who parents liked the most. Giving one son the money will leave the other two feeling they weren't loved as much.


    Very dangerous game to be playing.


    I would also be worried about your longer term security if things didn't work out with your son and his wife for whatever reason.
    What happens if son doesn't pay the bills or maintain the house / car ?

    My advise keep things simple. Your sons are adult they should be able to support themselves. Buy your own property and pay for any care you may need in the future and when the time comes divide things equally.
    Save 6k in 2019 challenge #44
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    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 12th Feb 19, 8:04 AM
    • 3,690 Posts
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    paddy's mum
    It could well be that paying an outsider to look after the garden, your car, home maintenance etc would be cheaper than committing most of your resources to funding one son's needs at (potentially) the expense and poison of a possible future World War III inheritance nightmare.

    The amounts of money and the potential for dreadful resentment and bad feeling justify me suggesting that this is one occasion when you cannot afford not to seek solid legal advice.

    Good luck for the future.
    • Artdecogran
    • By Artdecogran 12th Feb 19, 8:53 AM
    • 3 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    Artdecogran
    Thank you all for your time and input. I now have a lot to think about that had never occurred to me.
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 12th Feb 19, 9:10 AM
    • 3,690 Posts
    • 13,299 Thanks
    paddy's mum
    Please do let the forum know what you eventually decide, as often it's seeing the solutions that other people come up with that points out a possible way forward to subsequent readers.

    I am sorry for your bereavement and wish you every happiness and peace in the future.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 12th Feb 19, 2:00 PM
    • 8,582 Posts
    • 30,227 Thanks
    Primrose
    You certainly have a lot to think about and conventional wisdom has always advised on letting a least a year pass after a close bereavement before making any major decisions. It's a sensible thing to do, knowing how emotionally unsettled one can be after such an event.


    Another option to consider possibly if you're still serious about one son and his wife moving in with you is to allow for whatever possibility (disagreement, your serious incapacity, etc) and for this son and his wife to still purchase a property of their own as a backstop and rent it out. Then if you subsequently have to go into care or still decide a three way inheritance split is the best option, you can still do this and your son living with you will still have a home in the background to fall back on.


    You don't state your age so maybe you are panicking too early about what might happen in the future, and in any case, fate sometimes has an odd way of intervening with the unexpected so it does seem that a rational family discussion when you're feeling more emotionally settled would be the best way forward. I also suggest you seek some legal advice to ensure that issues you may not be aware of are covered and understood by everybody.
    • Seanymph
    • By Seanymph 13th Feb 19, 1:36 PM
    • 2,730 Posts
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    Seanymph
    And I'll add, what if you want to remarry at some point?

    It may seem the furthest possibility at this point - but those who have had successful and happy marriages are statistically most likely to do it again I understand.

    Be gentle with yourself, and don't make any decisions that mean you are left with fewer choices later on.
    • Mr.Everready
    • By Mr.Everready 13th Feb 19, 3:43 PM
    • 138 Posts
    • 35 Thanks
    Mr.Everready
    So, this son is going to live rent/mortgage free for x years plus get the house at the end ? No wonder he's keen !
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