Relationship advice please...

2

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  • onomatopoeia99
    onomatopoeia99 Posts: 6,957 Forumite
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    *max* wrote: »
    You just don't end a 6 months relationship by text or voicemail unless you're 17.
    Friend of mine got dumped by text after 18 months together. Both of them late 40s. For some people apparently that is how you do things now.
    Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 2023
  • gt568
    gt568 Posts: 2,494 Forumite
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    Time to give her the spanish archer.
    {Signature removed by Forum Team}
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
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    Deleted_User wrote: »
    Thanks all, I'm feeling like crap as this has been playing on my mind over the last 4 or 5 days, as much as I'd like to say I'll end it in person the truth is I hate this side of things and will probably send a message or phone call, appreciate it's not the manly thing to do but I've never been good at ending something...

    This lady deserves someone who could say those 3 words as much as I'm sure I'll be public enemy number one I think it is totally for the best...

    I bloody hate this dating game...

    If you cannot do it in person, then you are worse than a worm! Do the right thing for this woman - not for you - and tell her in person that as you do not feel the same for her as she does for you, it is not being fair to keep "stringing her along". Please do the right thing and end this relationship in the correct way.
  • Ozzuk
    Ozzuk Posts: 1,884 Forumite
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    If you think it is awkward for you, then imagine how she feels, she's invested her time in you, has feelings for you and you can't even be bothered to have an adult conversation with her. I guarantee she will feel worse than you, and as soon as its done you'll feel fine (relieved) - she won't.

    You know what you need to do.
  • Seanymph
    Seanymph Posts: 2,873 Forumite
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    I don't think you have to do it in person. But I think you have to do it - so whichever way means you can be honest, go that way.......

    By phone is fine, pick a time when you know she is free and not looking after her children, perhaps late in the evening, be gentle and honest, and just say that she is amazing, but you have come to realise whilst you feel strongly for her she isn't for you and it seems more fair to tell her now.

    Dating is about interviewing people for the position of permanent right? Well, you have put some time and opportunity into this and she isn't right for you - it isn't dating that's awful, dating is fun! What's awful is when you are dating and don't walk away when you should for whatever reason. And when one of you is out of synch with the other.

    Rip off the plaster - and well done you for doing it when you realised. Many people would have ghosted her or used all sorts of other passive aggressive rubbish - top tip - don't say 'it's not you it's me...'.

    Good luck with your next try!
  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,470 Forumite
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    Also don't think you have to do it in person. I crack under rejection, and would actually much prefer someone to dump me by phone. Text is way too impersonal I think, but a conversation is fine. If I thought I was glamming up for a date or looking forward to seeing someone in person only to get there and be dumped, my bottom lip would be going (even if I sort of agreed with them or thought it wasn't working). It's just the way I was made. Too sensitive. And the last thing you want someone to see/know. I put on a tough exterior.
    2023 wins: *must start comping again!*
  • gt568
    gt568 Posts: 2,494 Forumite
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    Write a letter, go old skool!


    Dear Baby,


    Welcome to dumpsville. Population: You.


    :D
    {Signature removed by Forum Team}
  • mikeeboy
    mikeeboy Posts: 175 Forumite
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    Relationships are crap aren't they. Two people, enjoy each other's company, having fun etc. One person says 'I love you' and now they have to split up!

    Doesn't make sense
  • onomatopoeia99
    onomatopoeia99 Posts: 6,957 Forumite
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    mikeeboy wrote: »
    Relationships are crap aren't they. Two people, enjoy each other's company, having fun etc. One person says 'I love you' and now they have to split up!

    Doesn't make sense
    It forces the other to think about the future and where (if anywhere at all) they feel the relationship is going.

    Anything 'big' in terms of the relationship upsets the inertia and can force a re-evaluation, which may be a positive or a negative.
    Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 2023
  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,470 Forumite
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    mikeeboy wrote: »
    Relationships are crap aren't they. Two people, enjoy each other's company, having fun etc. One person says 'I love you' and now they have to split up!

    Doesn't make sense
    Would usually agree with you, but these paragraphs seem to suggest it's unlikely the OP will ever feel like that towards her.


    "I'm not sure what's happened in my mind but I really don't have that feeling for her and the more I think about it I can't see it happening soon or ever, as much as I like her.

    We are supposed to be going away at the weekend but the more I think about it the more I think I'm not sure I want to go and maybe I should think about actually saying I don't think I'll ever say those 3 words she wants from me."


    Flogging a dead horse comes to mind...
    2023 wins: *must start comping again!*
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