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  • FIRST POST
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 8:07 PM
    • 42Posts
    • 35Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Not being born a son.
    • #1
    • 3rd Feb 19, 8:07 PM
    Not being born a son. 3rd Feb 19 at 8:07 PM
    Odd title, but thats it in a nutshell.
    I have 2 brothers one 4 years older, one 2 years younger.......... I'm not in my 20's anymore or 30's......... It all about the game in my Father's eyes, Rugby not Football, if it makes any difference.

    At the moment my Dad and younger brother are in Ireland for the six nations, next weekend, my Dad and older brother will be at Twickerham, weekend after who knows.......

    This is not a one off, this is how it has been for all of my adult life,
    Next year they will go to Rome to watch the match.

    My brothers do not pay to go, or not all of their individual costs.
    I completely feel left behind being only a girl......and this is all season not just during this 'important' bit of the year.

    I'm not sure what my question should be, but was wondering if anyone had any ideas that m,ight help me feel less unimportant.
Page 4
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 10th Feb 19, 2:16 PM
    • 42 Posts
    • 35 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    You don't really mention your own partner and children very much. Why don't you all go as a family and join your father and brothers.
    Originally posted by chesky

    I dont need to mention my own partner and children, they are 25, 28 and 32........ and my partner is happy to watch matches on the TV, goes to a few local games etc, this was never about them, suffice to say my own children could go if they wished, and have done before.

    This was not about what I do with my own children or husband but about my Dad and I.
    • Mr_Singleton
    • By Mr_Singleton 10th Feb 19, 7:41 PM
    • 1,153 Posts
    • 2,098 Thanks
    Mr_Singleton
    It all about the game in my Father's eyes, Rugby not Football, if it makes any difference.
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    Of course it matters..... people interested in football drink Shandy while rugby men drink menís drinks and like women.

    Anyway...... moving swiftly on!

    My mother takes my sister out and does similar female type things is there more to it than just the men bonding thing that your not saying?
    • societys child
    • By societys child 10th Feb 19, 7:50 PM
    • 5,913 Posts
    • 6,781 Thanks
    societys child
    Watch it on the telly with your husband.


    Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .
    The EU
    A government who don't have a country, is that why they want ours?
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 10th Feb 19, 8:18 PM
    • 16,781 Posts
    • 12,919 Thanks
    hollydays
    I think it's ok for men to want to want to do women - free things.
    However, in this case , make sure you also do things all together.

    Sometimes I do "female only " things( though not in a family setting) and I wouldn't want men there on those occasions
    Last edited by hollydays; 10-02-2019 at 8:21 PM.
    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 10th Feb 19, 10:55 PM
    • 1,362 Posts
    • 3,590 Thanks
    pickledonionspaceraider
    I dont need to mention my own partner and children, they are 25, 28 and 32........ and my partner is happy to watch matches on the TV, goes to a few local games etc, this was never about them, suffice to say my own children could go if they wished, and have done before.

    This was not about what I do with my own children or husband but about my Dad and I.
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    The above information is entirely relevant....this throws a new light on it in my opinion

    I am guessing from the ages of your children, that you are, age wise .. in your 50s, at least

    Why has it taken decades for this to come to a head, in your mind?

    I have got to say that from your previous posts I had assumed you were a much younger woman.
    You talk like a much younger woman, in the sense that this is a new problem for you and you find it overwhelming
    Last edited by pickledonionspaceraider; 11-02-2019 at 6:51 AM.
    • Organza_Lace
    • By Organza_Lace 10th Feb 19, 11:06 PM
    • 71 Posts
    • 4,179 Thanks
    Organza_Lace


    Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .
    Originally posted by societys child
    Why is it? I loved spending time with my Dad.
    We canít help everyone, but everyone can help someone Ė John Lennon
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 10th Feb 19, 11:16 PM
    • 2,521 Posts
    • 3,358 Thanks
    Robisere
    Why is it? I loved spending time with my Dad.
    Originally posted by Organza_Lace
    Just as my daughter likes spending time with me. As does my son. They are both different, as individual humans, not just as different genders. Daughter is interested in the same books and music as myself, son in cars and stationary engines. I go to SE shows with him and as a former motor engineer I share that interest and can help him. Neither of them like football, I have played as a young man and been a supporter of one club for over 65 years. Because each of us is an individual.
    I think this job really needs
    a much bigger hammer.
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 11th Feb 19, 4:49 PM
    • 42 Posts
    • 35 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    The above information is entirely relevant....this throws a new light on it in my opinion

    I am guessing from the ages of your children, that you are, age wise .. in your 50s, at least

    Why has it taken decades for this to come to a head, in your mind?

    I have got to say that from your previous posts I had assumed you were a much younger woman.
    You talk like a much younger woman, in the sense that this is a new problem for you and you find it overwhelming
    Originally posted by pickledonionspaceraider
    I'm 50, not really sure how that changes anything though, my thoughts are the same.

    Its not taken decades to come to head, just decades to post on a ( public) forum
    Last edited by ~ Daisy ~; 11-02-2019 at 4:56 PM.
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 11th Feb 19, 4:54 PM
    • 42 Posts
    • 35 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Watch it on the telly with your husband.


    Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .
    Originally posted by societys child
    Why is it odd to want to go out with a parent?

    Shall I let my children know its odd to want to spend time with me? just incase someone picks them up on it?!
    I wouldnt want them to feel silly.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 11th Feb 19, 5:37 PM
    • 5,867 Posts
    • 27,255 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Watch it on the telly with your husband.


    Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .
    Originally posted by societys child
    Sorry - but to me, your comment about it being "really odd" to want to go out with dad is odd! Why would you not want to go out with your dad?

    Unless you have a toxic relationship, it's a strange attitude to take.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 11th Feb 19, 8:49 PM
    • 21,638 Posts
    • 58,497 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I'm 50, not really sure how that changes anything though, my thoughts are the same.

    Its not taken decades to come to head, just decades to post on a ( public) forum
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    Why have you decided to post on a public forum instead of simply talking to your Dad?
    Decades?
    Really?
    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 11th Feb 19, 9:52 PM
    • 1,362 Posts
    • 3,590 Thanks
    pickledonionspaceraider
    I'm 50, not really sure how that changes anything though, my thoughts are the same.

    Its not taken decades to come to head, just decades to post on a ( public) forum
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    Age does change things, Daisy. Hugely. It helps us realise where you are coming from, in terms of how long you have felt like this etc

    And also,

    The older a person gets, the more they realise the world for what it is, empathy for other people, understanding, compassion, insight, maturity, life experience, the realisation that their parents are just people - doing their best. I am not saying you are immature BTW, just pointing out why age is relevant

    Many twenty somethings might not have the same insight as someone older

    The fact that you, yourself, have adult children....and would know full well, the generational gap, things that were acceptable for example, when you were a child, would not be acceptable now...and not being 'down with the kids' does not make you a bad person, its a generational thing.

    Your Dad must be elderly now.

    It would seem unacceptable to me, to possibly have him question his lifetime of parenting by putting this on him after you have gone along with it all with no complaint for years. It would be a huge shock.

    I mean you can imagine how you may feel yourself, if your 32 year old explained they had been unhappy with an aspect of your parenting for the past 30 years. I would be floored and very deeply hurt in that situation, that I had caused my loved ones pain and be wracked with guilt that I had not realised / furthermore that they felt that we werent close enough to speak of such matters

    I wouldn't deliberately tell him, but you could gently manoeuvre things so you spend some time with him by inviting him somewhere just the two of you
    Last edited by pickledonionspaceraider; 11-02-2019 at 11:20 PM.
    • welshbabe88
    • By welshbabe88 11th Feb 19, 10:20 PM
    • 65 Posts
    • 41 Thanks
    welshbabe88
    But I can see how this has been hurting you over the years Daisy - it may seem small to some people but if it bothers you - then it bothers you - end of - its how you feel.

    Maybe now your children are grown you have more time to reflect - and maybe wish that things had been done differently over the past years. You cannot turn the clock back but why not just make a suggestion to your dad to go out with him - whether to rugby or something else. No need to grumble about past events you felt left out of - just do it as a suggestion - maybe start on his borthday or Father's Day and just say it went off so well you'd like to do it again?
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 12th Feb 19, 2:22 PM
    • 42 Posts
    • 35 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Age does change things, Daisy. Hugely. It helps us realise where you are coming from, in terms of how long you have felt like this etc

    And also,

    The older a person gets, the more they realise the world for what it is, empathy for other people, understanding, compassion, insight, maturity, life experience, the realisation that their parents are just people - doing their best. I am not saying you are immature BTW, just pointing out why age is relevant

    Many twenty somethings might not have the same insight as someone older

    The fact that you, yourself, have adult children....and would know full well, the generational gap, things that were acceptable for example, when you were a child, would not be acceptable now...and not being 'down with the kids' does not make you a bad person, its a generational thing.

    Your Dad must be elderly now.

    It would seem unacceptable to me, to possibly have him question his lifetime of parenting by putting this on him after you have gone along with it all with no complaint for years. It would be a huge shock.

    I mean you can imagine how you may feel yourself, if your 32 year old explained they had been unhappy with an aspect of your parenting for the past 30 years. I would be floored and very deeply hurt in that situation, that I had caused my loved ones pain and be wracked with guilt that I had not realised / furthermore that they felt that we werent close enough to speak of such matters

    I wouldn't deliberately tell him, but you could gently manoeuvre things so you spend some time with him by inviting him somewhere just the two of you
    Originally posted by pickledonionspaceraider

    Thank you, especially the last paragragh........ very insightful.
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 13th Feb 19, 6:58 AM
    • 1,469 Posts
    • 5,693 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Do you not feel pleased that your dad is able to do these things and go to games.
    When I see people (possibly older than your dad) at games I feel really happy that they are able to still go. And I would like to go when I am old.

    My parents must be much younger than yours and get tired quite easily. If my dad went to the rugby in Rome with my brother I would be so pleased that he was enjoying himself and doing things that make him happy.

    I know itís not the point of your post but in your position I would be glad your dad is happy. I would go to a game if I wanted to. Itís not that your not born a son, itís that for whatever reason they think you donít want to go. So you are the only one that can do something about that. But if you go remember to wear enough clothes and eat enough.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
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