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  • FIRST POST
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 7:07 PM
    • 47Posts
    • 49Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Not being born a son.
    • #1
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:07 PM
    Not being born a son. 3rd Feb 19 at 7:07 PM
    Odd title, but thats it in a nutshell.
    I have 2 brothers one 4 years older, one 2 years younger.......... I'm not in my 20's anymore or 30's......... It all about the game in my Father's eyes, Rugby not Football, if it makes any difference.

    At the moment my Dad and younger brother are in Ireland for the six nations, next weekend, my Dad and older brother will be at Twickerham, weekend after who knows.......

    This is not a one off, this is how it has been for all of my adult life,
    Next year they will go to Rome to watch the match.

    My brothers do not pay to go, or not all of their individual costs.
    I completely feel left behind being only a girl......and this is all season not just during this 'important' bit of the year.

    I'm not sure what my question should be, but was wondering if anyone had any ideas that m,ight help me feel less unimportant.
Page 2
    • JIL
    • By JIL 4th Feb 19, 1:15 AM
    • 3,838 Posts
    • 22,564 Thanks
    JIL
    Would your mother go?
    Why not make a suggestion that next year, you and your mother tag along to Rome ? They can go and see the rugby, you two can do something else.
    Same as when it's in Paris or Dublin or Edinburgh. All fabulous places. More to do than watch the match.

    You can all meet up afterwards.

    I'm not sure why you feel like you do, there's so many ways you can change the situation, but that means you having to put the ideas out there.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 4th Feb 19, 6:01 AM
    • 1,125 Posts
    • 1,917 Thanks
    chesky
    I always do something with my Mum, today for example, I cooked dinner, whilst they were off on a jolly to Ireland, went friday, back monday.

    As said its not about doing what I enjoy, its about being invited to do as they enjoy.
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    Sounds like you feel the alternative mum offers is boring, so why don't you suggest you go to a movie or the theatre and a good restaurant afterwards. You obviously don't really care about rugby per se, so why bother about that.

    Or is it that your dad never spends any time with you at all.
    • bouicca21
    • By bouicca21 4th Feb 19, 8:28 AM
    • 4,290 Posts
    • 6,833 Thanks
    bouicca21
    Gosh, Dasy, I know exactly where you are coming from. I doubt it’s worth talking about it because that kind of sexism is deeply engrained.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 4th Feb 19, 9:27 AM
    • 22,138 Posts
    • 59,753 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Gosh, Dasy, I know exactly where you are coming from. I doubt itís worth talking about it because that kind of sexism is deeply engrained.
    Originally posted by bouicca21
    But if she doesn't bring the subject up with her Dad, she'll never know if it's just that he's never thought about inviting her or if it really is deeply ingrained sexism.

    The OP has been asked if she's spoken to her Dad but hasn't answered that question so far.
    • Marisco
    • By Marisco 4th Feb 19, 10:45 AM
    • 34,543 Posts
    • 105,353 Thanks
    Marisco
    Odd title, but thats it in a nutshell.
    I have 2 brothers one 4 years older, one 2 years younger.......... I'm not in my 20's anymore or 30's......... It all about the game in my Father's eyes, Rugby not Football, if it makes any difference.

    At the moment my Dad and younger brother are in Ireland for the six nations, next weekend, my Dad and older brother will be at Twickerham, weekend after who knows.......

    This is not a one off, this is how it has been for all of my adult life,
    Next year they will go to Rome to watch the match.

    My brothers do not pay to go, or not all of their individual costs.
    I completely feel left behind being only a girl......and this is all season not just during this 'important' bit of the year.

    I'm not sure what my question should be, but was wondering if anyone had any ideas that m,ight help me feel less unimportant.
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    Does that mean you're in your 40's? Isn't that a bit old to be worrying about things like this?
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 4th Feb 19, 10:51 AM
    • 7,856 Posts
    • 17,389 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    At what point did you stop attending games? You mentioned you did it when you were younger, soooo...what changed?

    I wish I could afford to do all that rugby-watching. Twickers tickets are expensive

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Starmer4PM #Bremainer
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 4th Feb 19, 11:16 AM
    • 25,921 Posts
    • 68,541 Thanks
    pollypenny
    Yea, gods! You wouldn't stop me!

    Do you follow rugby closely even though you've stopped attending? Are you passionate about the Six Nations and the World Cup?

    Or is it that you just want the trip away and the treat? I don't recall you posting on any rugby thread.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 4th Feb 19, 11:56 AM
    • 6,176 Posts
    • 4,665 Thanks
    sheramber
    Where do your husband and son fit in all this?
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 4th Feb 19, 12:18 PM
    • 22,138 Posts
    • 59,753 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Yea, gods! You wouldn't stop me!

    Do you follow rugby closely even though you've stopped attending? Are you passionate about the Six Nations and the World Cup?

    Or is it that you just want the trip away and the treat? I don't recall you posting on any rugby thread.
    Originally posted by pollypenny
    In fairness to the OP, she's not posted on many threads at all.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 4th Feb 19, 12:52 PM
    • 8,588 Posts
    • 30,239 Thanks
    Primrose
    As your dad is not in the days of his youth any more I'd be tempted to ask him and your brothers if the "rugby group". will be equally up to nursing your dad, washing his smelly feet, takingn him to doctors or hospital appointments and generally stepping up to the plate when his time of frailty comes.

    Or do they regard that as "Womans' stuff" ???
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 4th Feb 19, 1:03 PM
    • 1,491 Posts
    • 5,809 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Not meaning for this to sound rude - but a lot of the time at sports events you see women who clearly do not wish to be there - mostly there with their boyfriends, absolutely bored to tears by the whole thing. Some of them like you suffering from fear-of-missing-out. (Maybe men too but more so women)

    They probably haven’t invited you because they think you won’t like it, you will be cold, maybe hungry and you will moan.
    Maybe this isn’t you, but this is a lot of women. Unless you find the sport entertaining you will not enjoy the day and having somebody there not enjoying the day makes it less enjoyable for everyone else.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • Loz01
    • By Loz01 4th Feb 19, 1:11 PM
    • 1,712 Posts
    • 3,851 Thanks
    Loz01
    If you went as a kid, do you still like rugby? If so, why don't you ask to go?! I watch football and yes its mainly men there but who cares, I was first taken as a 7 year with my Dad and 2 brothers and I still go now! More and more now you see girls watching with Dads too, not just boys. If its something you like, it shouldn't be a "lads weekend" but just a weekend for all of you to enjoy it! If you don't like rugby now, why dont you ask your Dad if he wants to meet up one weekend and do something else with the two of you?
    Vegan to save the animals and the planet. Oh, and trigger Piers Morgan.
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 4th Feb 19, 2:17 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Wow, so much advise, thank you all for posting.

    To be truthful and being honest with myself..... I guess I'm jealous of the bond my brothers have with my Father, not so much of where they go or what they do there, of the bond, the shared interests they have has nurtured that bond beyond any I could have had.

    My Mum and I are very close, We spend alot of time together, but not to the exclusion of the others. She is most definatley not a boring alternative as someone asked.

    I will speak to my Dad, but it does seem like it will come across as stamping my feet abit, and I wouldnt want him to think that he has upset me just by doing the things he loves with others and not me.

    It all sounds so very childish

    Certainly given me food for thought.
    • Redlady.....
    • By Redlady..... 4th Feb 19, 2:29 PM
    • 95 Posts
    • 619 Thanks
    Redlady.....
    That's very honest Daisy, and certainly understandable.

    Best wishes in your bonding quest
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 4th Feb 19, 2:32 PM
    • 30,709 Posts
    • 78,685 Thanks
    Mojisola
    At the moment my Dad and younger brother are in Ireland for the six nations, next weekend, my Dad and older brother will be at Twickerham, weekend after who knows.......
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    When they come back and talk about the match, why not just say that you'd like to join them on their next excursion?

    No need to make it a big issue or get into deep discussions about feeling left out.

    If they are horrified at the thought of you joining them, you might then have to explain to your Dad how you feel that he favours your brothers over you.
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 4th Feb 19, 2:38 PM
    • 7,856 Posts
    • 17,389 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    Not meaning for this to sound rude - but a lot of the time at sports events you see women who clearly do not wish to be there - mostly there with their boyfriends, absolutely bored to tears by the whole thing. Some of them like you suffering from fear-of-missing-out. (Maybe men too but more so women)

    They probably havenít invited you because they think you wonít like it, you will be cold, maybe hungry and you will moan.
    Maybe this isnít you, but this is a lot of women. Unless you find the sport entertaining you will not enjoy the day and having somebody there not enjoying the day makes it less enjoyable for everyone else.
    Originally posted by Poor_Single_lady
    I'll never understand partners who do this. It's not just women.

    My partner really couldn't give two hoots about rugby so I haven't bought him a ticket for the game I'm going to, he'll probably play some WoW with his mates while I'm there. Similarly, I can't be bothered with WoW, so I don't play it.

    (He'll happily watch any sportsball with a big group of us in a warm dry pub where nobody's had to pay for a ticket though hahaha!)

    Absolutely spot on though in that a member of a group who isn't having fun can bring down the mood of the whole group a bit. It's sort of...do what you enjoy?

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Starmer4PM #Bremainer
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 4th Feb 19, 3:45 PM
    • 35,523 Posts
    • 21,717 Thanks
    getmore4less
    If they are doing full weekends that is more than just a match, are they boozy weekends.

    Would full family events work where the weekends are filled wit other things the games being sub event for those that want to go.
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 4th Feb 19, 3:56 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    If they are doing full weekends that is more than just a match, are they boozy weekends.

    Would full family events work where the weekends are filled wit other things the games being sub event for those that want to go.
    Originally posted by getmore4less
    It is only full weekends when the game is further afield, travel time included in this.

    Not sure Dad would ever agree the game is sub to anything! but a useful suggestion. Thank you.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 4th Feb 19, 4:03 PM
    • 25,921 Posts
    • 68,541 Thanks
    pollypenny
    You haven't said whether you follow rugby? Do you talk about it eith them?

    I love it and follow the Welsh area sides, supporting Ospreys, but now warming to RGC (Rygbi Gogledd Cymru).

    The Six Nations is a highlight if my year. Unfortunately, tickets are too expensive this year, although Wales v Scotland is my favourite. We've met the same Scottish club every year in Cardiff.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 4th Feb 19, 4:09 PM
    • 35,523 Posts
    • 21,717 Thanks
    getmore4less

    I always do something with my Mum, today for example, I cooked dinner, whilst they were off on a jolly to Ireland, went friday, back monday.

    As said its not about doing what I enjoy, its about being invited to do as they enjoy.
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    3 nights for a few hours of the game on Sat.

    There is more going on most of Sat free and all of Sunday.

    All could have gone they would be done by 8pm nice family dinner evening out.
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