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  • FIRST POST
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 7:07 PM
    • 47Posts
    • 49Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Not being born a son.
    • #1
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:07 PM
    Not being born a son. 3rd Feb 19 at 7:07 PM
    Odd title, but thats it in a nutshell.
    I have 2 brothers one 4 years older, one 2 years younger.......... I'm not in my 20's anymore or 30's......... It all about the game in my Father's eyes, Rugby not Football, if it makes any difference.

    At the moment my Dad and younger brother are in Ireland for the six nations, next weekend, my Dad and older brother will be at Twickerham, weekend after who knows.......

    This is not a one off, this is how it has been for all of my adult life,
    Next year they will go to Rome to watch the match.

    My brothers do not pay to go, or not all of their individual costs.
    I completely feel left behind being only a girl......and this is all season not just during this 'important' bit of the year.

    I'm not sure what my question should be, but was wondering if anyone had any ideas that m,ight help me feel less unimportant.
Page 1
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 3rd Feb 19, 7:23 PM
    • 4,255 Posts
    • 11,312 Thanks
    LilElvis
    • #2
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:23 PM
    • #2
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:23 PM
    Ask if you can join them?

    Or ask them to join you in doing something you enjoy?

    Or do something with your Mum whilst they're freezing their arses off?
    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 3rd Feb 19, 7:26 PM
    • 1,418 Posts
    • 3,710 Thanks
    pickledonionspaceraider
    • #3
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:26 PM
    • #3
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:26 PM
    Is it really because you are a girl, or the fact that the brothers share a common interest with your Dad and share this camaraderie ? A lot of females love sports of all kinds

    Is your Mum around and does she go to the sports events? If she is left home alone, how does she feel?

    Perhaps you have more common ground with her, and could suggest something to suit - a spa weekend for example

    I don't think your Dad is behaving unreasonably sharing a common interest with adult friends, who happen to be his sons....and just because someone else is having a good time, does not mean you must take the alternative stance

    Some men just have more common grounds with their sons, it doesn't reflect on you at all
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 7:30 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    • #4
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:30 PM
    • #4
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:30 PM
    I[QUOTE=LilElvis;75413596]Ask if you can join them?

    Or ask them to join you in doing something you enjoy?

    Or do something with your Mum whilst they're freezing their arses off?[/QUOTE

    I always do something with my Mum, today for example, I cooked dinner, whilst they were off on a jolly to Ireland, went friday, back monday.

    As said its not about doing what I enjoy, its about being invited to do as they enjoy.
    • clairec79
    • By clairec79 3rd Feb 19, 7:33 PM
    • 2,447 Posts
    • 6,395 Thanks
    clairec79
    • #5
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:33 PM
    • #5
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:33 PM
    Would you enjoy the game? If not that may be the reason why you aren't included rather than gender. If you do enjoy then say to your dad that you'd love to go to a game with him

    I have four children, two of each gender, when we go to the football we only take two of them (well now they are older we only take two) - it's not that we take the two boys - we actually take one of each gender because they are the ones who enjoy it

    PS watching a game with someone who really doesn't enjoy it isn't fun for anyone
    Last edited by clairec79; 03-02-2019 at 7:34 PM. Reason: .
    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 3rd Feb 19, 7:34 PM
    • 1,418 Posts
    • 3,710 Thanks
    pickledonionspaceraider
    • #6
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:34 PM
    • #6
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:34 PM
    But if they invited you, would you enjoy the sports? Would you go and enjoy it?
    • Accountant_Kerry
    • By Accountant_Kerry 3rd Feb 19, 7:34 PM
    • 343 Posts
    • 476 Thanks
    Accountant_Kerry
    • #7
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:34 PM
    • #7
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:34 PM
    Do you like rugby and want to go with them or is it the money that your dad is spending on them?
    • DUTR
    • By DUTR 3rd Feb 19, 7:35 PM
    • 11,719 Posts
    • 6,682 Thanks
    DUTR
    • #8
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:35 PM
    • #8
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:35 PM
    Odd title, but thats it in a nutshell.
    I have 2 brothers one 4 years older, one 2 years younger.......... I'm not in my 20's anymore or 30's......... It all about the game in my Father's eyes, Rugby not Football, if it makes any difference.

    At the moment my Dad and younger brother are in Ireland for the six nations, next weekend, my Dad and older brother will be at Twickerham, weekend after who knows.......

    This is not a one off, this is how it has been for all of my adult life,
    Next year they will go to Rome to watch the match.

    My brothers do not pay to go, or not all of their individual costs.
    I completely feel left behind being only a girl......and this is all season not just during this 'important' bit of the year.

    I'm not sure what my question should be, but was wondering if anyone had any ideas that m,ight help me feel less unimportant.
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    In my family, one female sibling , eldest, the rest of us all male (and there are lots of us) , there is no favouritism in our lot.
    But all families work differently and there is no text book version of what should happen.
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 7:43 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    • #9
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:43 PM
    • #9
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:43 PM
    But if they invited you, would you enjoy the sports? Would you go and enjoy it?
    Originally posted by pickledonionspaceraider
    Yes, as a child I went often.
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 7:44 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Do you like rugby and want to go with them or is it the money that your dad is spending on them?
    Originally posted by Accountant_Kerry
    No, not about money, I know I mentioned it but no, not about money.
    • HampshireH
    • By HampshireH 3rd Feb 19, 7:46 PM
    • 1,521 Posts
    • 1,891 Thanks
    HampshireH
    Next time your with your dad ask if you can go too

    He may have no idea how you feel.
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 7:47 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    All good suggestions, just would like to be on a level with my brothers.

    I suppose I am, long as I keep the home fires burning!
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 8:03 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Okay, so this all sounds so pathetic......... how does a person get over something that to the outside world is negliable but is not to the person involved?
    • Accountant_Kerry
    • By Accountant_Kerry 3rd Feb 19, 8:18 PM
    • 343 Posts
    • 476 Thanks
    Accountant_Kerry
    Have you ever spoken to your dad and brothers about how you feel?
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 3rd Feb 19, 8:29 PM
    • 5,729 Posts
    • 7,065 Thanks
    theoretica
    Sometimes it is really nice to be invited and know you would be welcome at things even if everyone knows you won't accept.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 8:54 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Sometimes it is really nice to be invited and know you would be welcome at things even if everyone knows you won't accept.
    Originally posted by theoretica
    This is it, to be recognised is important, I think its all I need.
    • Accountant_Kerry
    • By Accountant_Kerry 3rd Feb 19, 9:02 PM
    • 343 Posts
    • 476 Thanks
    Accountant_Kerry
    They probably don't realise and it is likely they've probably not even given it a thought and assume that you know you are just as valued. Speak to your dad and tell him.
    • lewishardwick
    • By lewishardwick 3rd Feb 19, 9:06 PM
    • 614 Posts
    • 814 Thanks
    lewishardwick
    If it makes you feel better, my father takes my older sisters to the football.

    I never showed an interest in it, even after going a few times. They enjoy it more than me.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 3rd Feb 19, 9:23 PM
    • 39,697 Posts
    • 36,857 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    Of course it's possible they don't invite Daisy because they are having a bit of a 'fun time with the lads'.

    But I'd definitely say "oh great, can I come too?" next time a trip is suggested which you'd like to go on.

    All I can say is I'm really glad that my sons' interest in football didn't last too long, and the only one who kept up a team sport was into cricket, which I was very happy to watch. Freezing your bits off through the winter, or enjoying the sunshine (or at least lack of rain) through the summer - why would anyone choose the former?
    Still knitting!
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    • maman
    • By maman 3rd Feb 19, 9:40 PM
    • 19,531 Posts
    • 116,851 Thanks
    maman
    You're obviously feeling left out while the rest of the family are not just enjoying the rugby but a weekend away.

    I'd like to know whether you've talked to your dad about it and /or asked if you can go along.

    As a long suffering, female season ticket holder at a Premier league ground I don't think not being a boy is an issue.
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