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Main site > Forums > Household & Travel > Marriage, Relationships & Families > Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part...
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      Waves and Smiles
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    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 4:23 PM
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      What's this?

    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 4:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 4:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 9:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King

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Page 542
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    • By Stoke 11th Feb 19, 11:47 AM
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      What's this?

    Stoke
    Hope everything is okay Iza.

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    • By Pyxis 11th Feb 19, 12:16 PM
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      What's this?

    Pyxis
    How are you doing, Stoke?
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).
    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
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    • By Stoke 11th Feb 19, 12:53 PM
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      What's this?

    Stoke
    “
    How are you doing, Stoke?
    Originally posted by Pyxis ”
    One day at a time! It's the best way I've found of coping really. Last week felt like it was one of the worst of my life, but it's been and gone now and this week is fresh and new. Small wins again.

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    • By Pyxis 11th Feb 19, 12:58 PM
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      What's this?

    Pyxis
    “
    one day at a time! It's the best way i've found of coping really. Last week felt like it was one of the worst of my life, but it's been and gone now and this week is fresh and new. Small wins again.
    Originally posted by stoke ”
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).
    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
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    • By Izadora 11th Feb 19, 4:44 PM
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      What's this?

    Izadora
    I feel so hopeless and useless and all I want is my mum.
    I'm trying really hard to keep it together but it feels so pointless at the moment. My lovely, independent, caring mum is pretty much a shell and I don't know whether the rare glimpses of something similar to her are encouraging or one of the cruelest forms of torture going.
    IzHe, my mates and work are all being lovely and very understanding but I just want to know when it's going to stop hurting this much.

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    • By Pyxis 12th Feb 19, 3:32 AM
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      What's this?

    Pyxis
    ((((((((((((Izzie))))))))))))))

    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).
    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!

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    • By heartbreak_star 12th Feb 19, 7:34 AM
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      What's this?

    heartbreak_star
    Oh Izadora. All the love in the world.

    HBS x
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    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

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    • By Stoke 12th Feb 19, 12:59 PM
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      What's this?

    Stoke
    “
    I feel so hopeless and useless and all I want is my mum.
    I'm trying really hard to keep it together but it feels so pointless at the moment. My lovely, independent, caring mum is pretty much a shell and I don't know whether the rare glimpses of something similar to her are encouraging or one of the cruelest forms of torture going.
    IzHe, my mates and work are all being lovely and very understanding but I just want to know when it's going to stop hurting this much.
    Originally posted by Izadora ”
    My issues pale into insignificance when I read that. Genuinely hope things pick up.

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    • By calleyw 12th Feb 19, 1:05 PM
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      What's this?

    calleyw
    “
    I feel so hopeless and useless and all I want is my mum.
    I'm trying really hard to keep it together but it feels so pointless at the moment. My lovely, independent, caring mum is pretty much a shell and I don't know whether the rare glimpses of something similar to her are encouraging or one of the cruelest forms of torture going.
    IzHe, my mates and work are all being lovely and very understanding but I just want to know when it's going to stop hurting this much.
    Originally posted by Izadora ”

    Izadora,


    Massive hugs.



    Its hard. It was horrid hearing my husband during recovery in hospital, (before the stroke he was an archer) saying he wanted to be robin hood. it still makes me cry to think about that today all this time on.


    Recovery from a stroke is a long road. It takes time and I know this sounds very strange to say but very tiring for the person. You mum may need a note pad and pen as she may find communicating difficult. Even pictures on a laminated piece of paper. With pictures of food, drink etc on so she can point if she is unable to speak.


    I wish you mum a quick recovery.


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin

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    • By Izadora 12th Feb 19, 3:25 PM
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      What's this?

    Izadora
    Thank you all for the good wishes. I was really in two minds about whether or not to go back to the hospital last night but I'm very glad I did. She's still an incredibly long way away from being herself but she was at least a bit more engaged.

    “
    My issues pale into insignificance when I read that.
    Originally posted by Stoke ”
    Not to you they don't. Please don't ever feel that someone else having a shitty time somehow invalidates your issues. There are many people having a far worse time of it than I am at the moment but that doesn't make this any less awful for me.


    “
    Recovery from a stroke is a long road. It takes time and I know this sounds very strange to say but very tiring for the person.
    Originally posted by calleyw ”
    It doesn't sound strange at all, I can see just how much effort she's having to put in to do something as simple as picking up a glass of water and it must be exhausting. It's one of the things that's worrying me about how much time dad's spending visiting her, I fear that she's trying to stay awake for him when she should be sleeping.

    “
    You mum may need a note pad and pen as she may find communicating difficult. Even pictures on a laminated piece of paper. With pictures of food, drink etc on so she can point if she is unable to speak.
    Originally posted by calleyw ”
    Her communication, when she manages to be a part of the conversation rather than staring vacantly into space, is actually pretty good but thank you, I would never have thought of that for when the effort to talk/find the right word is too much.

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    • By calleyw 12th Feb 19, 4:15 PM
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      What's this?

    calleyw
    “
    It doesn't sound strange at all, I can see just how much effort she's having to put in to do something as simple as picking up a glass of water and it must be exhausting. It's one of the things that's worrying me about how much time dad's spending visiting her, I fear that she's trying to stay awake for him when she should be sleeping.
    Originally posted by Izadora ”
    On my husbands stroke ward and in rehab everyone was put to bed to have a nap every afternoon.


    After a stroke parts of the brain have died due to either a bleed on the brain or a blockage. We take things we take for granted such as picking up a glass of water we do it automatically. You mum now has to think about it now. Rewiring of the brain takes time. Ask about exercises for the drop face and her effected arm and leg. As arms and legs muscles loss can be quick when there is no movement at all. Even if its passive, done by yourself or your dad it can help with the rewiring of her brain.


    “
    Her communication, when she manages to be a part of the conversation rather than staring vacantly into space, is actually pretty good but thank you, I would never have thought of that for when the effort to talk/find the right word is too much.
    Originally posted by Izadora ”

    Thats good if she is talking that means her brain is processing stuff. I know its hard, but you need to slow the conversation down a bit, so she can process it and form her replies. But when they become tired it becomes too much hard work. And being able to either write or point to what they need help with. Another thing that might be of use is one of those write on wipe off things the childrens have to to draw on. If your mum is not too tired she could write on there. Its bigger than pad and paper making it easier for her to handle with one hand.


    As I said before. If you just need to chat or vent please do PM, I am more than happy to listen you.


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin

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    • By dandy-candy 12th Feb 19, 8:23 PM
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      What's this?

    dandy-candy
    Hugs to Iza and all who need them xx

    Not much to report but just thought I'd check in

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    • By Pyxis 15th Feb 19, 5:55 AM
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      What's this?

    Pyxis
    “
    Saw a doctor today, the letter the assessor sent him didn;t include what they decided on my medication so he said he;d get in touch with them to find out and that they should call me. They haven't. Got an appointment with some other doctor in march. So have to stay on current meds till then

    Right now i just feel completely defeated. Everytime i reach out another door slams in my face. Its just utterly pointless. If it wasn't for the fact i love Swain and couldn't put him through it, i'd be ready to give up at this point. (Don't worry i'm not gonna do anything stupid, it would devastate him and i can;t do that to him or anyone else who cares about me)


    They've put me forward for a bipolar educational group. They told me to ring IAPT but warned me it could be months before i'm seen. Got told to try MIND for counselling and as per usual their waiting lists are closed.

    I guess i'll just have to settle for a life of mental instability
    Originally posted by xXMessedUpXx ”
    It's unbelievable, MU.

    Do you feel strong enough to write to your MP about it? You are good at putting things in writing.

    You could also send a copy to the Health Minister.

    Plus, I would also write to the Queen. You'd be surprised at what happens when a letter to the Queen gets sent to the appropriate Minister, even though she can't personally step in.

    Governments have been promising sweeping changes to Mental Health provision for decades, starting when Tony Blair became PM, but it's been same old same old.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).
    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!

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    • By Izadora 21st Feb 19, 1:22 PM
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      What's this?

    Izadora
    I know that generally if you feel the need to ask the question "Am I being unreasonable?" the answer is likely to be "Yes." but I'm really not sure if I am.

    IzHe's mum had asked about coming up to stay a couple of weeks ago but, seeing as it would've been a couple of days after my mum ended up in hospital, we obviously said we'd have to postpone it.

    She then mentioned it last Thursday, seeing if that weekend would be any good for us, but IzHe said there was too much going on as he was helping my dad with some stuff at my parents' house and I was in no fit state to have someone staying with us.

    She's called him today to see if this weekend would be any good for us and he asked me if it's okay with me, stressing that I should say if it's one of those situations where I'm saying something's fine but, as soon as I put the phone down, will be wondering how he could be so inconsiderate as to ask (he knows that I'm unlikely to say no, even if I really want to)

    I really can't work out if I'm justified in being slightly annoyed at being put in that position and not wanting to have her stay this weekend or if I'm being precious and should get over myself.
    Last edited by Izadora; 21-02-2019 at 2:08 PM.

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    • By Pyxis 21st Feb 19, 2:33 PM
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      What's this?

    Pyxis
    “
    I know that generally if you feel the need to ask the question "Am I being unreasonable?" the answer is likely to be "Yes." but I'm really not sure if I am.

    IzHe's mum had asked about coming up to stay a couple of weeks ago but, seeing as it would've been a couple of days after my mum ended up in hospital, we obviously said we'd have to postpone it.

    She then mentioned it last Thursday, seeing if that weekend would be any good for us, but IzHe said there was too much going on as he was helping my dad with some stuff at my parents' house and I was in no fit state to have someone staying with us.

    She's called him today to see if this weekend would be any good for us and he asked me if it's okay with me, stressing that I should say if it's one of those situations where I'm saying something's fine but, as soon as I put the phone down, will be wondering how he could be so inconsiderate as to ask (he knows that I'm unlikely to say no, even if I really want to)

    I really can't work out if I'm justified in being slightly annoyed at being put in that position and not wanting to have her stay this weekend or if I'm being precious and should get over myself.
    Originally posted by Izadora ”
    If there is still a lot going on and you just don't feel up to it still, then you are not being unreasonable.

    It seems to me that the person being a tad unreasonable, or, if not unreasonable, then insensitive, is your MIL.

    If you are going to be stressed at having her over, then she wouldn't have a good time either, so much better to wait until you can all enjoy her visit.

    Sometimes when you are under some stress, you just have to put yourself first.

    At the moment, your mum needs all your mental effort. Your MIL should appreciate that, really.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).
    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
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    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!

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    • By Izadora 21st Feb 19, 2:51 PM
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      What's this?

    Izadora
    “
    At the moment, your mum needs all your mental effort. Your MIL should appreciate that, really.
    Originally posted by Pyxis ”
    In her defence, I know that she won't be offended by IzHe saying that it's best to leave it until another week.

    I think that because she'd be quite happy to say no to something she doesn't want to do it doesn't necessarily register that other people find it difficult and that her asking means I end up either agreeing to something I don't want to do or feeling bad for saying no.

    I'm just so scrambled at the minute that I wasn't sure whether or not I was being unreasonable by not wanting a house guest, especially one that's pretty much happy as long as she's got a sofa and a biscuit tin, but I fear that she wouldn't cope quite as well as IzHe if I have a meltdown about seemingly nothing. The other day I spent about half an hour sobbing because someone had lit a fire and the bedding that was on the line smelt smoky...

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    • By Pyxis 21st Feb 19, 3:02 PM
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      What's this?

    Pyxis
    Have another hug.......


    ((((((((((((Izzie)))))))))))))
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).
    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!

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    • By onomatopoeia99 21st Feb 19, 3:28 PM
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      What's this?

    onomatopoeia99
    Given what's going on in your life, I'd say not wishing to have visiting relatives is fine. You'll end up feeling split in half.

    My news isn't good, went to see the doctor after work Tuesday and he said 'I want you to go to the hospital now,do not drive.' I've had a plethora of tests, the last one was an MRI of my head and I spoke with the neurology registrar a little while ago, who said they may do more tests depending on what the neurology consultant says, but the symptoms and MRI point very strongly to MS. So I'm processing that at the moment.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

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    • By Izadora 21st Feb 19, 4:22 PM
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      What's this?

    Izadora
    Ono, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope it turns out that they're wrong or, if they're not, that things go as well as they can in the circumstances.

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    • By Pyxis 21st Feb 19, 5:02 PM
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      What's this?

    Pyxis
    “
    Given what's going on in your life, I'd say not wishing to have visiting relatives is fine. You'll end up feeling split in half.

    My news isn't good, went to see the doctor after work Tuesday and he said 'I want you to go to the hospital now,do not drive.' I've had a plethora of tests, the last one was an MRI of my head and I spoke with the neurology registrar a little while ago, who said they may do more tests depending on what the neurology consultant says, but the symptoms and MRI point very strongly to MS. So I'm processing that at the moment.
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99 ”
    Oh what a shock for you, Ono!

    Hopefully, as Izzie says, it won't be.


    A hug for you too....... (((((((((((((((Ono))))))))))))))))))))
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).
    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!

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