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  • FIRST POST
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 3rd Feb 19, 7:07 PM
    • 47Posts
    • 49Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Not being born a son.
    • #1
    • 3rd Feb 19, 7:07 PM
    Not being born a son. 3rd Feb 19 at 7:07 PM
    Odd title, but thats it in a nutshell.
    I have 2 brothers one 4 years older, one 2 years younger.......... I'm not in my 20's anymore or 30's......... It all about the game in my Father's eyes, Rugby not Football, if it makes any difference.

    At the moment my Dad and younger brother are in Ireland for the six nations, next weekend, my Dad and older brother will be at Twickerham, weekend after who knows.......

    This is not a one off, this is how it has been for all of my adult life,
    Next year they will go to Rome to watch the match.

    My brothers do not pay to go, or not all of their individual costs.
    I completely feel left behind being only a girl......and this is all season not just during this 'important' bit of the year.

    I'm not sure what my question should be, but was wondering if anyone had any ideas that m,ight help me feel less unimportant.
Page 4
    • Mr_Singleton
    • By Mr_Singleton 10th Feb 19, 6:41 PM
    • 1,253 Posts
    • 2,247 Thanks
    Mr_Singleton
    It all about the game in my Father's eyes, Rugby not Football, if it makes any difference.
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    Of course it matters..... people interested in football drink Shandy while rugby men drink menís drinks and like women.

    Anyway...... moving swiftly on!

    My mother takes my sister out and does similar female type things is there more to it than just the men bonding thing that your not saying?
    • societys child
    • By societys child 10th Feb 19, 6:50 PM
    • 6,100 Posts
    • 7,055 Thanks
    societys child
    Watch it on the telly with your husband.


    Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .

    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 10th Feb 19, 7:18 PM
    • 17,136 Posts
    • 13,318 Thanks
    hollydays
    I think it's ok for men to want to want to do women - free things.
    However, in this case , make sure you also do things all together.

    Sometimes I do "female only " things( though not in a family setting) and I wouldn't want men there on those occasions
    Last edited by hollydays; 10-02-2019 at 7:21 PM.
    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 10th Feb 19, 9:55 PM
    • 1,418 Posts
    • 3,710 Thanks
    pickledonionspaceraider
    I dont need to mention my own partner and children, they are 25, 28 and 32........ and my partner is happy to watch matches on the TV, goes to a few local games etc, this was never about them, suffice to say my own children could go if they wished, and have done before.

    This was not about what I do with my own children or husband but about my Dad and I.
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    The above information is entirely relevant....this throws a new light on it in my opinion

    I am guessing from the ages of your children, that you are, age wise .. in your 50s, at least

    Why has it taken decades for this to come to a head, in your mind?

    I have got to say that from your previous posts I had assumed you were a much younger woman.
    You talk like a much younger woman, in the sense that this is a new problem for you and you find it overwhelming
    Last edited by pickledonionspaceraider; 11-02-2019 at 5:51 AM.
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 10th Feb 19, 10:16 PM
    • 2,599 Posts
    • 3,482 Thanks
    Robisere
    Why is it? I loved spending time with my Dad.
    Originally posted by Organza_Lace
    Just as my daughter likes spending time with me. As does my son. They are both different, as individual humans, not just as different genders. Daughter is interested in the same books and music as myself, son in cars and stationary engines. I go to SE shows with him and as a former motor engineer I share that interest and can help him. Neither of them like football, I have played as a young man and been a supporter of one club for over 65 years. Because each of us is an individual.
    I think this job really needs
    a much bigger hammer.
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 11th Feb 19, 3:49 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    The above information is entirely relevant....this throws a new light on it in my opinion

    I am guessing from the ages of your children, that you are, age wise .. in your 50s, at least

    Why has it taken decades for this to come to a head, in your mind?

    I have got to say that from your previous posts I had assumed you were a much younger woman.
    You talk like a much younger woman, in the sense that this is a new problem for you and you find it overwhelming
    Originally posted by pickledonionspaceraider
    I'm 50, not really sure how that changes anything though, my thoughts are the same.

    Its not taken decades to come to head, just decades to post on a ( public) forum
    Last edited by ~ Daisy ~; 11-02-2019 at 3:56 PM.
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 11th Feb 19, 3:54 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Watch it on the telly with your husband.


    Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .
    Originally posted by societys child
    Why is it odd to want to go out with a parent?

    Shall I let my children know its odd to want to spend time with me? just incase someone picks them up on it?!
    I wouldnt want them to feel silly.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 11th Feb 19, 4:37 PM
    • 5,912 Posts
    • 27,550 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Watch it on the telly with your husband.


    Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .
    Originally posted by societys child
    Sorry - but to me, your comment about it being "really odd" to want to go out with dad is odd! Why would you not want to go out with your dad?

    Unless you have a toxic relationship, it's a strange attitude to take.
    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 11th Feb 19, 8:52 PM
    • 1,418 Posts
    • 3,710 Thanks
    pickledonionspaceraider
    I'm 50, not really sure how that changes anything though, my thoughts are the same.

    Its not taken decades to come to head, just decades to post on a ( public) forum
    Originally posted by ~ Daisy ~
    Age does change things, Daisy. Hugely. It helps us realise where you are coming from, in terms of how long you have felt like this etc

    And also,

    The older a person gets, the more they realise the world for what it is, empathy for other people, understanding, compassion, insight, maturity, life experience, the realisation that their parents are just people - doing their best. I am not saying you are immature BTW, just pointing out why age is relevant

    Many twenty somethings might not have the same insight as someone older

    The fact that you, yourself, have adult children....and would know full well, the generational gap, things that were acceptable for example, when you were a child, would not be acceptable now...and not being 'down with the kids' does not make you a bad person, its a generational thing.

    Your Dad must be elderly now.

    It would seem unacceptable to me, to possibly have him question his lifetime of parenting by putting this on him after you have gone along with it all with no complaint for years. It would be a huge shock.

    I mean you can imagine how you may feel yourself, if your 32 year old explained they had been unhappy with an aspect of your parenting for the past 30 years. I would be floored and very deeply hurt in that situation, that I had caused my loved ones pain and be wracked with guilt that I had not realised / furthermore that they felt that we werent close enough to speak of such matters

    I wouldn't deliberately tell him, but you could gently manoeuvre things so you spend some time with him by inviting him somewhere just the two of you
    Last edited by pickledonionspaceraider; 11-02-2019 at 10:20 PM.
    • welshbabe88
    • By welshbabe88 11th Feb 19, 9:20 PM
    • 79 Posts
    • 42 Thanks
    welshbabe88
    But I can see how this has been hurting you over the years Daisy - it may seem small to some people but if it bothers you - then it bothers you - end of - its how you feel.

    Maybe now your children are grown you have more time to reflect - and maybe wish that things had been done differently over the past years. You cannot turn the clock back but why not just make a suggestion to your dad to go out with him - whether to rugby or something else. No need to grumble about past events you felt left out of - just do it as a suggestion - maybe start on his borthday or Father's Day and just say it went off so well you'd like to do it again?
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 12th Feb 19, 1:22 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Age does change things, Daisy. Hugely. It helps us realise where you are coming from, in terms of how long you have felt like this etc

    And also,

    The older a person gets, the more they realise the world for what it is, empathy for other people, understanding, compassion, insight, maturity, life experience, the realisation that their parents are just people - doing their best. I am not saying you are immature BTW, just pointing out why age is relevant

    Many twenty somethings might not have the same insight as someone older

    The fact that you, yourself, have adult children....and would know full well, the generational gap, things that were acceptable for example, when you were a child, would not be acceptable now...and not being 'down with the kids' does not make you a bad person, its a generational thing.

    Your Dad must be elderly now.

    It would seem unacceptable to me, to possibly have him question his lifetime of parenting by putting this on him after you have gone along with it all with no complaint for years. It would be a huge shock.

    I mean you can imagine how you may feel yourself, if your 32 year old explained they had been unhappy with an aspect of your parenting for the past 30 years. I would be floored and very deeply hurt in that situation, that I had caused my loved ones pain and be wracked with guilt that I had not realised / furthermore that they felt that we werent close enough to speak of such matters

    I wouldn't deliberately tell him, but you could gently manoeuvre things so you spend some time with him by inviting him somewhere just the two of you
    Originally posted by pickledonionspaceraider

    Thank you, especially the last paragragh........ very insightful.
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 13th Feb 19, 5:58 AM
    • 1,491 Posts
    • 5,809 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Do you not feel pleased that your dad is able to do these things and go to games.
    When I see people (possibly older than your dad) at games I feel really happy that they are able to still go. And I would like to go when I am old.

    My parents must be much younger than yours and get tired quite easily. If my dad went to the rugby in Rome with my brother I would be so pleased that he was enjoying himself and doing things that make him happy.

    I know itís not the point of your post but in your position I would be glad your dad is happy. I would go to a game if I wanted to. Itís not that your not born a son, itís that for whatever reason they think you donít want to go. So you are the only one that can do something about that. But if you go remember to wear enough clothes and eat enough.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 21st Feb 19, 9:12 AM
    • 7,855 Posts
    • 17,388 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    Did you ever get any closure on this, OP?

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Starmer4PM #Bremainer
    • ~ Daisy ~
    • By ~ Daisy ~ 22nd Feb 19, 3:56 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    ~ Daisy ~
    Did you ever get any closure on this, OP?

    HBS x
    Originally posted by heartbreak_star
    Not exactly closure, but after reading and thinking about Pinkledonionspaceraider post it made me think alot.

    A conversation has been had in a roundabout way, one I was happy with and one I believe didnt cause any distress to anyone.

    Sometimes just voicing thoughts and feelings out loud can help, I just might not do it on a public forum again!

    I've been reading this forum for a long time but had forgotten that some posters can be brutal..... I guess if I wanted fluffy stuff I should have gone elsewhere!

    BTW fluffy stuff wasnt needed nor necessary but I can understand why some posters dont post on here after the first time.
    • mattpaint
    • By mattpaint 23rd Feb 19, 9:00 AM
    • 259 Posts
    • 530 Thanks
    mattpaint
    Why have you decided to post on a public forum instead of simply talking to your Dad?
    Decades?
    Really?
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    She's asking for advice - that doesn't need you to be so mean to her. How rude!
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 23rd Feb 19, 9:07 AM
    • 22,137 Posts
    • 59,752 Thanks
    Pollycat
    She's asking for advice - that doesn't need you to be so mean to her. How rude!
    Originally posted by mattpaint
    It was a genuine question.
    I really couldn't understand why she hadn't broached the subject before now and why she hadn't simply spoken to her Dad about it.
    Hence the 'confused' smiley.
    My post wasn't intended to be 'mean'.
    Or 'rude'.
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 23rd Feb 19, 10:19 AM
    • 1,491 Posts
    • 5,809 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Not my intention to be rude or mean but sometimes people post things which have a VERY obvious solution.
    I am also suprised that somebody could sit on this situation for years and years without saying anything.
    We donít invite my sister to the football because we think she doesnít want to go. Door is open and Itís always an open invite to all of us. Iím also confused why if you wanted to go it was never said. Life is short. Too short to be sitting on these things for years.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • mattpaint
    • By mattpaint 23rd Feb 19, 10:29 AM
    • 259 Posts
    • 530 Thanks
    mattpaint
    It was a genuine question.
    I really couldn't understand why she hadn't broached the subject before now and why she hadn't simply spoken to her Dad about it.
    Hence the 'confused' smiley.
    My post wasn't intended to be 'mean'.
    Or 'rude'.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    I suggest you take your own advice.

    Thanks for the advice.

    All these years of posting and I didn't realise there was a list of subjects deemed worthy of starting a thread about.

    My bad.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 23rd Feb 19, 10:43 AM
    • 1,418 Posts
    • 3,710 Thanks
    pickledonionspaceraider
    I suggest you take your own advice.
    Originally posted by mattpaint
    Matt....... Pollycat only pointed out what a lot of people were thinking...that the poster has been dwelling on this for decades.

    Sitting on issues for decades is dysfunctional to say the least and it is actually hard to believe, to me

    and there is a difference between being honest, and being rude....this is how something so something as simple as an emoji doesn't become something to get upset about.
    Last edited by pickledonionspaceraider; 23-02-2019 at 10:46 AM.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 23rd Feb 19, 11:57 AM
    • 22,137 Posts
    • 59,752 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I suggest you take your own advice.
    Originally posted by mattpaint
    OMG!
    You've actually gone back to a post I made in October 2014!.

    As 2 other people have pointed out, my post was understandable.

    This is not the first time you've (erroneously) accused me of being rude.
    I suggest you stop.
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