Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Retireby40
    • By Retireby40 14th May 19, 8:54 PM
    • 42Posts
    • 24Thanks
    Retireby40
    Having children but sure if you really want to.
    • #1
    • 14th May 19, 8:54 PM
    Having children but sure if you really want to. 14th May 19 at 8:54 PM
    Hey folks.

    It has been something I have been thinking about generally. While I don't expect to be planning kids in the next 1-3 years it is something that potentially could happen in 3-5 years.

    While I have always thought I would like children, some days I just think. Is it really worth it? I always come back to the conclusion that it probably is. I am generally quite good with kids.

    I do love my quiet space and I don't like a mad house where everyone is constantly fighting and arguing. That probably means best to have 1 or 2 max.

    Have many of you had children despite having doubts, or decided not to have them and later changed your mind again or regretted it?

    Anybody who was adamant they didn't want to be parents but later become parents?
Page 3
    • Claddagh_Noir
    • By Claddagh_Noir 15th May 19, 6:43 PM
    • 62 Posts
    • 92 Thanks
    Claddagh_Noir
    Don't you love your children?

    I can assure you that time flies and they'll be gone before you know it.
    Originally posted by pollypenny
    I doubt she doesn't love her children, she probably hates motherhood. It's quite common and I empathize with that completely. .

    It must be like being in a job that you hate.
    • CruisingSaver
    • By CruisingSaver 15th May 19, 6:57 PM
    • 390 Posts
    • 1,167 Thanks
    CruisingSaver
    As others have already said it can only be your decision.



    I always wanted children but was told I would be unlikely to have them due to medical issues, which was difficult to come to terms with.


    About a year or so later I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and we were overjoyed.



    I had a very difficult and traumatic birth and suffered from PND as a result but our daughter, who's nearly 20 now, has been the greatest joy in our lives.



    I'm fortunate to have a very successful career and achieved a lot along the way, but none of it compares to being a Mum. My only regret is that I was unable to have any more.
    • Linda32
    • By Linda32 15th May 19, 7:20 PM
    • 4,287 Posts
    • 9,395 Thanks
    Linda32
    Me and my OH have been together for 31 years, he has never wanted children, I wasn't fussed either way in my late teens / early 20's.
    Then on our first holiday away we were sat outside having a drink at a pub and the weather turned, we decided to go inside, another couple couldn't has they had children. No under 18's in the pub (it is going back a bit) That made the decision for me and I've never regretted it for one moment. That was about 22 years ago.

    I honestly can not see anything rewarding about having children. I mean no offence by that, just my opinion. All I see is a lifetime of worrying about them.

    My Mum used to say that although she loved me and my brother and wouldn't change us for the world, if she had her time again she would never have married and had children. It was what you did back then in 1966.
    • barbiedoll
    • By barbiedoll 15th May 19, 8:39 PM
    • 4,949 Posts
    • 13,648 Thanks
    barbiedoll
    I didnít think that I would ever have kids, I married a horrible man in my 20ís and would never have had a child with him, he was a violent drunk.

    I was quite happy to grow old with my flat and my two cats, when I met my second husband. He already had a couple of kids, plus numerous step-children. I always told him that I didnít plan on having any children, assuming that he was quite happy with his brood already.

    But I guess my biological clock kicked in and we decided to go for it. I got pregnant quite quickly, before we were married, and our son was born when I was 33 years old. He was, and still is, the light of my life. Heís bone-idle, messy, a bit of a scruffy git and has never learned how to clean the bathroom, or hang up his clothes. But he is kind and generous, has lovely manners, heís never brought trouble to our door and is funny, quick-witted and has a smile which lights up the room.

    He was a great kid, hard work at times (never slept for long!) but such a happy little soul. Even as a teenager, he wasnít too much trouble, although he did disappear into his room and we didnít see him again for around two years, unless he wanted cash or food...

    Iíve never regretted him for a moment, despite never having a nice car, or exotic holidays, or loads of spare cash. Funnily enough, weíre going on our first foreign holiday for many years soon, me and my husband are off to a swanky hotel in the Canaries and our son is jetting off with the lads to Aiya Napa....weíre more worried about leaving him at the airport than we were on his first day at school!

    Itís true...children are hard work, expensive and very tiring, certainly for the first few years. But the time passes so quickly, every so often, I look at him and wonder where my little boy has gone. I also wonder where all the food has gone....they never stop eating!!
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
    • andydownes123
    • By andydownes123 16th May 19, 8:09 AM
    • 584 Posts
    • 703 Thanks
    andydownes123
    Kids...ha...I'd rather have the above

    This means you think you have to choose.
    Originally posted by meer53

    I didn't say you had to choose between...but I'll bet you a shiny penny someone without kids has a much better chance of achieving that lifestyle.
    • meer53
    • By meer53 16th May 19, 10:21 AM
    • 9,453 Posts
    • 13,827 Thanks
    meer53
    I didn't say you had to choose between...but I'll bet you a shiny penny someone without kids has a much better chance of achieving that lifestyle.
    Originally posted by andydownes123
    You're probably right. It's just not a lifestyle a lot of people aspire to, me included. My kids never prevented me from having holidays, eating out, doing what I want when I wanted, you can have both. If you want to.
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 16th May 19, 10:42 AM
    • 1,522 Posts
    • 2,317 Thanks
    suejb2
    Kids
    You probably wonít be able to live up to your user name if you decide to have children!

    Regret the things you do not the things you donít do.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • ripplyuk
    • By ripplyuk 16th May 19, 1:30 PM
    • 1,821 Posts
    • 1,678 Thanks
    ripplyuk
    Iíve always known that I would never want children. Iíve often been surprised by the answers people give as to why they decided to have children. Things like ĎI need someone to look after me when Iím oldí (So, born with a job), or ĎI liked the thought of living on forever through my genesí (which again seems self-centred). Other people didnít have a reason at all, just apathy about birth control. With many people, it isnít that they want children, itís a fear of regret.

    To me, none of these are good enough reasons. I think the only people who should have children are those who desperately want them and literally cannot bear the thought of life without them.
    • Fire Fox
    • By Fire Fox 16th May 19, 2:52 PM
    • 24,672 Posts
    • 28,563 Thanks
    Fire Fox
    I never really wanted children and do not regret it (mid-forties). My favourite aunt (eighty) never really wanted children and does not regret it. She believes her mother did not want children either, and tried to prevent it!

    Not every human nor every other creature is a natural parent with their own offspring: some are disinterested, some are neglectful and some are cruel.

    Having children so someone can look after you when you get older is the height of stupidity as well as deeply selfish. There is no guarantee the child(ren) will be resident in the same country as you, no guarantee have sufficient free time (working long hours to support their own family), they may have health problems of their own, or you may have a difficult relationship.
    Last edited by Fire Fox; 16-05-2019 at 2:56 PM.
    Declutterbug-in-progress.⭐️⭐️⭐️ ⭐️ Trainee Rosie the Riveter.
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 16th May 19, 3:01 PM
    • 1,712 Posts
    • 2,932 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    I've actually been told I'm selfish for not wanting children!!! As if it automatically makes you a "me, me, me" person.
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow "
    • Claddagh_Noir
    • By Claddagh_Noir 16th May 19, 4:39 PM
    • 62 Posts
    • 92 Thanks
    Claddagh_Noir
    I've actually been told I'm selfish for not wanting children!!! As if it automatically makes you a "me, me, me" person.
    Originally posted by Sea Shell
    You should just respond to that by saying 'who exactly and I being selfish to?' That will usually shut the person up, or give them enough rope to hang themselves if they start banging on about your children that do not exist.
    • Georgiepie
    • By Georgiepie 16th May 19, 4:40 PM
    • 14 Posts
    • 25 Thanks
    Georgiepie
    Iíve always known that I would never want children. Iíve often been surprised by the answers people give as to why they decided to have children. Things like ĎI need someone to look after me when Iím oldí (So, born with a job), or ĎI liked the thought of living on forever through my genesí (which again seems self-centred). Other people didnít have a reason at all, just apathy about birth control. With many people, it isnít that they want children, itís a fear of regret.

    To me, none of these are good enough reasons. I think the only people who should have children are those who desperately want them and literally cannot bear the thought of life without them.
    Originally posted by ripplyuk

    Quite a few of the people I know with children have said they had them because "it's the done thing" or because "it's normal". Also amazed at how many had them because they were accidents!

    Hardly any of them say they actually discussed it with their partners. Me and DH discussed at length whether to have children or not.

    I have been asked who will look after me when I am old and also told I will be very lonely if my DH dies before me because I have no children.

    As you say, no one should have children so they have someone to look after them. There is never a guarantee of that anyway. My previous next door neighbour was 93. She had had 4 children but all died before her. Her grandchildren lived miles away
    • Claddagh_Noir
    • By Claddagh_Noir 16th May 19, 4:50 PM
    • 62 Posts
    • 92 Thanks
    Claddagh_Noir
    Having children so someone can look after you when you get older is the height of stupidity as well as deeply selfish. There is no guarantee the child(ren) will be resident in the same country as you, no guarantee have sufficient free time (working long hours to support their own family), they may have health problems of their own, or you may have a difficult relationship.
    Originally posted by Fire Fox
    You beat me to saying this. I firmly stand by this too. Also, how do you even know your children will outlive you?
    • easterbunni
    • By easterbunni 17th May 19, 11:22 AM
    • 57 Posts
    • 39 Thanks
    easterbunni
    I don't want kids for various reasons:

    Why contribute to an already overpopulated planet that is dying
    It's a pretty nasty process to go through pregnancy and it might kill me or leave me with ongoing pain or issues
    I don't want kids that might turn out to be lazy or criminals or whatever
    I couldn't deal with having to raise a disabled child
    I don't really like people - I would rather give unwanted animals a safe home
    I like my stuff not being destroyed by creatures that can reason and understand when you tell them not to eat chocolate on the sofa but do it anyway
    Children bore me or I have nothing to say when they come out with their weird stuff
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,271Posts Today

6,096Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • I once blurted out on @gmb "Theresa May hasn't been given a poisoned chalice - she's been given a poisoned chalice? https://t.co/onfRbY3XVg

  • It'd be fascinating to know how history will judge Theresa May's premiership. Currently, it is hard to see it as a? https://t.co/eH77G0O9LA

  • Are you secretly trying to tell us Geri is going to take over? Will she tell us what we want, what we really reall? https://t.co/MOxa0jzPD7

  • Follow Martin