Ex dragging her feet over official DNA test

Ricky_ · 31 January 2019 at 2:44PM

Been lurking a little trying to find information, hoping someone might be able to offer advice or words of wisdom. It's long winded but here goes...
I'm quite a young lad (19) I started seeing a girl just before Xmas 2017 on and off until about March 2018 as she started brushing me off with !!!! when I'd arrange to see her saying she was out with friends/mum/gran/walking non existent dog (you get the picture) So I just stopped contacting her and she never got back in touch with me.
Ffwd to July she texts me to say she needs to see me, tells me she's pregnant, I'm not exactly overjoyed but I have a good job, great supportive parents and I tell her I don't want to have a "relationship" with her meaning I don't want to get back with her but I will support her and help her as much as possible but would want a DNA test when baby is born. She was fine with this, so no alarm bells rang there. We went out bought 2 of everything as we'd agreed shared parenting, discussed names and agreed on my great grandmothers name Isobel, things were okay.
Baby was born November and I was overjoyed to meet my daughter. Then her mum started calling her baby Liv. Alarm, alarm, I'm thinking hang on we agreed on Isobel, I've not heard this name Liv wheres that from? She'd just given birth I'd ask about it later. Anyway, I got swept away with the wonder of this beautiful little being and fell in love instantly, all the time pushing the fact she bore no resemblance to me or any of my family to the back of my mind, they all look the same first few weeks right? Day or so passed and the whole of her family were calling baby Liv and so I tried to ask her about it, she just kept saying she couldn't be bothered and battering my head saying she never agreed to Isobel and she'd told all her friends and family she was Olivia or Liv for short and that was that. Registration time came and she tries to tell me I don't need to go with her to be on the birth certificate, there's that alarm ringing again. I insisted I was going to the appointment with her, she wasn't happy neither was her mum. I said we'd go together but her mum insisted she would take her and I could meet them there, so my mum came to support me. Gets to the appt and her mum tries to come into the office until my mum insists we both go alone. Her mum was put out and seemed rather shocked, I was adamant I was going on the birth certificate. So registered baby, I was relieved even though I didn't really like the name. I then told ex I wanted to do the DNA test sooner rather than later and she kept saying yeah I know, I know. I ordered a peace of mind DNA kit from an accredited company (Endeavour Labs) told her it had arrived and she again kept putting me off. Xmas came and went and she still hadn't agreed to give her DNA so I decided next time I had baby I would take mine and hers only. I am down as father on birth certificate so I have the right. Send test away with just mine and baby DNA samples, results come back - I'm not the father.
I tell ex, she doesn't shout, scream, cry, she simply says she doesn't believe a shi##y test bought off a website. I tell her it's an accredited company and I'm happy to do a legal one at her cost as I've already been paying her £50.00 a week and spent almost £1000 on baby things not to mention Xmas gifts for her. She just said not to bother paying anymore she would get in touch with CSA for them to do one. I've been asking her every day for last 3 weeks, has she heard from them? She again keeps fobbing me off, she's waiting to hear from them, she's waiting to see when her mum can take her for the test, she's got to walk the dog etc. etc. She's told me the name of the company she's apparently waiting to hear from to arrange appointment with, I just think she is putting it off constantly. I just want to get on with my life, I have a new job starting in 2 weeks and was hoping to have it sorted by then. Is there anything I can do to move along? Can I ring CSA to check she's even been in touch with them or the company direct?
Not sleeping/eating I'm thoroughly depressed over this and feel she's got me well and truly by the short and hairies.
Any advice would be great
Thanks for listening.

Browntoa · 31 January 2019 at 2:50PM

Let her go to the CSA , send them copy of the test

Job done

Avoid all other contact with her

Browntoa · 31 January 2019 at 2:52PM

You can get the birth certificate corrected

https://www.gov.uk/correct-birth-registration

Mr.Generous · 31 January 2019 at 2:58PM

She knows you're not the dad, and I suspect she knew all along. You've been a great source of funds and that's about it. Sorry to say that because you sound like you would have been a decent father, but time to forget her. I'm afraid you've lost the cash but learnt a lesson.

Mojisola · 31 January 2019 at 3:02PM

Ricky_ wrote: »

Send test away with just mine and baby DNA samples, results come back - I'm not the father.

I tell ex, she doesn't shout, scream, cry, she simply says she doesn't believe a shi##y test bought off a website.

I tell her it's an accredited company and I'm happy to do a legal one at her cost as I've already been paying her £50.00 a week and spent almost £1000 on baby things not to mention Xmas gifts for her.

She just said not to bother paying anymore she would get in touch with CSA for them to do one. I've been asking her every day for last 3 weeks, has she heard from them? She again keeps fobbing me off

I just want to get on with my life

Do just that - get on with your life.

She won't claim child maintenance because an official test will show that you aren't the father.

Stop giving her money!

Get the birth certificate changed.

Ricky_ · 31 January 2019 at 3:40PM

I'm thinking the same as all replies, I wondered if I rang the CSA or even the DNA company to try and call her bluff, find out if she's even contacted them or she's just filling me full of her usual patter..

Mojisola · 31 January 2019 at 5:21PM

Ricky_ wrote: »

I'm thinking the same as all replies, I wondered if I rang the CSA or even the DNA company to try and call her bluff, find out if she's even contacted them or she's just filling me full of her usual patter..

Guaranteed!

Comms69 · 31 January 2019 at 5:26PM

Just leave it alone.

The CMS (not CSA) will get in touch if she does.

If not then just consider you've given an innocent baby a better start in life than had it not been for you.

pmduk · 31 January 2019 at 7:06PM

You've given her more money to date than she's entitled to. If she wants more support for the child she needs to go to CMS and do everything properly.

Make sure you keep your records of everything you have spent to date.

Sadly, the real victim in all of this is that poor baby.

Orientedbloom · 6 February 2019 at 1:36AM

I’m currently going through this with my ex partner (unfortunately he is the one that wants nothing to do with his child) if she had contacted Child maintenance you would of received a phone call and letter stating that they had been contacted. You would then be able to dispute parentage (which is currently what my ex partner is doing) now from this part it’s a little tricky as your name is on the birth certificate (my ex didn’t bother showing up) I think you still have grounds to dispute based on the DNA test you have taken stating you are not the father. They will then more then likely ask you to take another test which unfortunately you would have to pay for, this test will include, you, child and the ex partners DNA. If it comes back that you are not the father Child maintenance will refund you the money for the dna test. But from the looks of it if she knows the child isn’t yours then she more then likely wont persist payment but I think it is harder to remove your name from birth certificate as it is to add your name.

Comms69 · 6 February 2019 at 12:13PM

Orientedbloom wrote: »

I’m currently going through this with my ex partner (unfortunately he is the one that wants nothing to do with his child) if she had contacted Child maintenance you would of received a phone call and letter stating that they had been contacted. You would then be able to dispute parentage (which is currently what my ex partner is doing) now from this part it’s a little tricky as your name is on the birth certificate (my ex didn’t bother showing up) I think you still have grounds to dispute based on the DNA test you have taken stating you are not the father. They will then more then likely ask you to take another test which unfortunately you would have to pay for, this test will include, you, child and the ex partners DNA. If it comes back that you are not the father Child maintenance will refund you the money for the dna test. But from the looks of it if she knows the child isn’t yours then she more then likely wont persist payment but I think it is harder to remove your name from birth certificate as it is to add your name.

Removing your name is pretty straight forward; registry office can help

Ex dragging her feet over official DNA test

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free