out of place at work

MillsMolls · 6 November 2018 at 8:37PM

They have been in the same job for 10 years but have worked their way up in the same department.

They socialise with each other outside of work, they recently arranged a night out but obviously I wasn’t invited, not that I care about that part.

My main issue is that I don’t know the job very well, because of their frosty attitude they aren’t exactly approachable and the training at work has been non existent. My boss is aware about the lack of training though.

I wish I could just go in and get on with it but because I need to ask questions it puts me in an awkward position if I blank them completely. So I thought killing them with politeness would work but it hasn’t

Shortly before I got signed off, I was on my way back from the kitchen and one of them gave me a filthy look, I was smiling at her but she did that and turned to say hello to someone on another bank of desks.

I can’t explain why but her doing that tipped me over the edge and to make it worse she’s in her 50’s so I can’t exactly say she’s young and doesn’t know any better.

I work for a large organisation and they have a stupid rule that I cannot move within the company unless I’ve been in my role for atleast 1 year. I know I don’t have long to go, but it’s soul destroying.

MillsMolls · 6 November 2018 at 8:41PM

Maybe, but we spend so much time at work, so why not just be polite to each other

jonnygee2 · 6 November 2018 at 8:47PM

Fast forward to this year and its got worse, no-one speaks to me even though I make the effort to start a conversation. I recently went on holiday and not a single person said "have a nice hol" people never say "morning" or "have a good weekend"

This is definitely not normal 'these days' and, if anything, is less common than before.

I think the first thing to establish is where it's actually personal. This could be a misconception that you have, possibly based on an anxiety disorder. Don't be tempted to dismiss this too readily - mental health problems often prevent us from seeing the world objectively. A counsellor might be able to help here.

The other option is to speak to your manager or the most approachable of your colleagues. I'd only do this if you are sure that this is personal behaviour directed towards you. If you do this, the way I'd approach it is to give some concrete examples of things that have happened (don't name any names!), and then say that the effect on you is that it is making you feel like you aren't liked but you don't have a reason for it, which in turn makes you upset. Focus on specific actions and their consequences, not people or 'general feelings' like 'no one likes me'. It may also be that you will have to open yourself up to some difficult to hear feedback, so try to prepare yourself for this and stop yourself from being angry or defensive on hearing it.

TBagpuss · 6 November 2018 at 9:02PM

This does sound unusual and unpleasant.
It may well be nothing to do with you - is there a possibility that you beat out an internal candidate for the job, or a friend of one of the existing department members.?

I do think that it is worth while speaking to your manager, if nothing else, it helps them to understand why you are struggling and why there are problems with you getting training.

I would also think about whether you want to stay in this job, or with this company, or whether you want to look elsewhere. You have 1 years experience with this company, which isn't nothing. Unless there is a promotion or other benefit that you expect after ten years, there's no reason not to look outside your existing company.

MillsMolls · 6 November 2018 at 9:03PM

I am looking at counselling but the waiting list is so long. I really don’t think it’s me with the problem though and without confronting them I will never get to the bottom of why I’m treated this way

xapprenticex · 6 November 2018 at 9:14PM

If they are giving you mental health problems then you really should look for another job and leave once you get a firm offer, its not worth your health.

jonnygee2 · 6 November 2018 at 9:16PM

I am looking at counselling but the waiting list is so long. I really don’t think it’s me with the problem though and without confronting them I will never get to the bottom of why I’m treated this way

Well, then the approach with your manager is probably best. The answer might surprise you, there could be any number of reasons, from something they heard, to something you inadvertently did, to some fact about your character or personality or some action you do that upsets people.

I don't think you should 'confront' anyone. I think you should investigate the problem, and when you have a better idea of the problem start to think of a solution (potentially together with your manager).

oldernonethewiser · 6 November 2018 at 9:29PM

It is possible that for whatever reason they don't like you.

It certainly is your perception that this is the case.

You cannot, unfortunately, wander around in life saying Like me, Like me!

You mention counselling. Why do you you think you need that? What do you hope to achieve from it?

As already stated if you don't mention this to anyone, your boss for example, then it will be difficult to see how you can progress or improve the situation.

You mention that the other people in the department have worked their way up and you have been brought in to a job you don't know very well. Perhaps they resent you being in a job they feel one of them should have been given? Perhaps not but I have seen that sort of reaction before.

The more you learn your job and the more you show you can do it then possibly the more this "team" will come to respect you.

MillsMolls · 6 November 2018 at 9:41PM

I don’t feel I need counselling as I don’t believe I’m the one with the problem.

The only reason I’ve thought about counselling is because I’ve been signed off and my moods are very low, some days I find it difficult to get out of bed and I cry every day.

I mentally exhausted.

I think they probably wonder why I have been hired as I have no knowledge of the work they do.

I’m trying to be good at my job but when there’s no training and people don’t talk to me it’s so hard.

I did bring in sweets after my holiday as I was reminded by my boss who also failed to wish me a good hol that they have a “treats policy” people didn’t touch the sweets I had got from holiday, now if that’s not personal then I really don’t know how else to take it.

I haven’t gossiped or bad mouthed anyone, infact I don’t have anyone to talk to at work. I spend the whole day sitting in silence.

Missmarie · 6 November 2018 at 9:51PM

Hi. This sounds like a clique. I have 100 per cent sympathy for you. Some offices are full of nasty people. I once worked in Abbey National (not a branch) and I was made to feel so low. My advice, GET OUT. You are way better than that scum.

out of place at work

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