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  • FIRST POST
    • ibizafan
    • By ibizafan 10th Aug 19, 12:17 PM
    • 875Posts
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    ibizafan
    How often do you chat to your grown up children?
    • #1
    • 10th Aug 19, 12:17 PM
    How often do you chat to your grown up children? 10th Aug 19 at 12:17 PM
    I have two sons (37,33) The youngest lives in Australia with his partner and two young children. The oldest lives in London and is single. Sometimes a couple of weeks go by without communicating with them, and I wondered what other peopleís experience is, or are daughters different? I talk to my own mum most days on the phone, although she doesnít live near me, but she is 88. I donít personally feel the need to talk to my sons frequently, as we all have busy lives, so am I normal or not? I go to Australia every year for a visit, and Skype, but my sons havenít lived at home since they went to university, and they obviously both moved away. Opinions would be interesting, and am I a terrible mum?
Page 2
    • lincroft1710
    • By lincroft1710 10th Aug 19, 5:06 PM
    • 12,157 Posts
    • 10,697 Thanks
    lincroft1710
    When parents were alive it would be a once fortnightly phone call plus occasional short visit.

    OH and her daughter (late 40s) frequently Skype/phone and she regularly visits. Her son (late 30s) rarely communicates and OH has to make the effort
    • SingleSue
    • By SingleSue 10th Aug 19, 5:14 PM
    • 10,607 Posts
    • 60,243 Thanks
    SingleSue
    Eldest 3 or 4 times a week on his way home from work, youngest whilst at uni is every time he leaves halls or lectures (ASD and having me on the other end of the phone helps with his sensory overload and anxiety), middle son (Aspergers) whilst at uni was once in a blue moon.

    I visit my parents pretty much every day but then they are needing more support as they get older.
    We made it! Two graduated, 1 currently at university, been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
    Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk!
    • HampshireH
    • By HampshireH 10th Aug 19, 6:48 PM
    • 1,803 Posts
    • 2,333 Thanks
    HampshireH
    I'm the "child". I see my mum usually once a week as we both do the same sport on a Saturday & have a coffee. However if weather is bad we won't.

    WhatsApp as and when something comes up. With my dad I see him if he is home when i go round due to his shift work. Again whatsapp when something comes up.

    Il call maybe once a fortnight to confirm plans and if I'm lucky my dad will answer and we get to chat for a bit too before i speak to my mum.

    Sibling sees far more of them and probably makes contact daily. Always has.
    • jk0
    • By jk0 10th Aug 19, 6:57 PM
    • 3,147 Posts
    • 26,824 Thanks
    jk0
    I used to ring my mother occasionally in the evening after work. She'd always tell me she was watching something. ('Tell me on Sunday, when you come for lunch', basically.)
    • ceewash
    • By ceewash 10th Aug 19, 9:43 PM
    • 1,053 Posts
    • 216 Thanks
    ceewash
    I have two sons (37,33) The youngest lives in Australia with his partner and two young children. The oldest lives in London and is single. Sometimes a couple of weeks go by without communicating with them, and I wondered what other peopleís experience is, or are daughters different? I talk to my own mum most days on the phone, although she doesnít live near me, but she is 88. I donít personally feel the need to talk to my sons frequently, as we all have busy lives, so am I normal or not? I go to Australia every year for a visit, and Skype, but my sons havenít lived at home since they went to university, and they obviously both moved away. Opinions would be interesting, and am I a terrible mum?
    Originally posted by ibizafan
    No you're not. I think that what this shows is that we all have different relationships with our offsprings. I was feeling bad because I whatsapp too much and worry that I am pestering them. But I'm sure they would tell me. I do think it is different if they are married/settled with families of their own. If they are on their own I think it is good for them to receive quick message that someone is thinking of them, especially boys/men.
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 11th Aug 19, 7:54 AM
    • 5,136 Posts
    • 7,196 Thanks
    74jax
    I hate calling my mother, when I do its over in a couple of minutes. Sometimes she goes through phases of calling 2 times a day for a week, then maybe just once a week. I do sometimes not answer because I can't face her.....

    Me and DD will instant message daily. Send ridiculous photos to each other, copy each other stories in the news we might like etc or just text 1 line random things. We might speak every other day or maybe 3 times a week.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 11th Aug 19, 9:59 AM
    • 19,266 Posts
    • 11,974 Thanks
    motorguy
    My son lives in Sydney. We keep in touch daily by WhatApp messages and maybe physically talk once a month.
    Life has never given me lemons.

    It has given me anger issues, anxiety, a love for alcohol and a serious dislike for stupid people, but not lemons.
    • gizmo111
    • By gizmo111 11th Aug 19, 10:13 AM
    • 2,271 Posts
    • 4,177 Thanks
    gizmo111
    My daughters 24 and 26. We have whatís app chats most days the three of us together, we have separate chats and we have another group chat that includes the partners.
    I see them all together about once a month when we have a family meal, and the youngest at least once a week and eldest about twice a month.
    They all have keys but wouldnít just pop in without checking what I was doing and vice versa.
    And then any other family occasion that pops up!
    Seems to work well for us and fortunately both the partners get on well and the girls have always been close.
    Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.
    • Jaxon2390
    • By Jaxon2390 11th Aug 19, 3:58 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Jaxon2390
    Iím the son (late 20s) and single. I have a group WhatsApp with my mother/brother/brothers wife. We all message in it usually every day or 2. I also speak to my mum every day or 2 on the phone and see her once a week.

    My brothers and I have a separate WhatsApp group with our dad and step mum. We probably post in it once every week or 2, and I call them once every 2 weeks, and see them once every 2 months or so.
    • maman
    • By maman 11th Aug 19, 4:28 PM
    • 20,478 Posts
    • 121,891 Thanks
    maman
    My daughters 24 and 26. We have whatís app chats most days the three of us together, we have separate chats and we have another group chat that includes the partners.
    I see them all together about once a month when we have a family meal, and the youngest at least once a week and eldest about twice a month.
    They all have keys but wouldnít just pop in without checking what I was doing and vice versa.
    And then any other family occasion that pops up!
    Seems to work well for us and fortunately both the partners get on well and the girls have always been close.
    Originally posted by gizmo111
    That's interesting. We're the same. DD sends me a message (even if I was away for a few days) to ask if it was OK to pop round and borrow something or whatever. When I'm at home she knocks even though she could let herself in.

    A bit off topic but DH and I were discussing something similar earlier. He was getting rid of junk mail and asked if it was OK to open mine. He happened to say how pleased he was that we never opened each others mail and that our DDs were the same.
    • Organza_Lace
    • By Organza_Lace 11th Aug 19, 8:42 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 6,900 Thanks
    Organza_Lace
    I have two sons (37,33) The youngest lives in Australia with his partner and two young children. The oldest lives in London and is single. Sometimes a couple of weeks go by without communicating with them, and I wondered what other peopleís experience is, or are daughters different? I talk to my own mum most days on the phone, although she doesnít live near me, but she is 88. I donít personally feel the need to talk to my sons frequently, as we all have busy lives, so am I normal or not? I go to Australia every year for a visit, and Skype, but my sons havenít lived at home since they went to university, and they obviously both moved away. Opinions would be interesting, and am I a terrible mum?
    Originally posted by ibizafan
    My daughter is in South Africa busy with charity work. I can go a couple of weeks without contact but as long as i can see she is active on Whatsapp i try not to worry too much as she's got a good security network around her.

    My other children, well it varies...havent heard from eldest for about three weeks but he is phoneless at the moment. Number 2 and number 3 'child' daily and the youngest lives at home.
    We canít help everyone, but everyone can help someone Ė John Lennon
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 11th Aug 19, 10:29 PM
    • 9,054 Posts
    • 21,053 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    I have two daughters, one is 32 and the other 33. Eldest lives about 100 miles away and we whats app in family group chat and probably speak on the phone maybe once a week or every 10 days. Sometimes she phones, sometimes I do. My husband rarely initiates phone calls. Youngest lives locally so we see her several times a week and look after grandchildren one day a week. I phone my mum usually each week or she phones me as she lives about 250 miles away.

    I don't think you are a terrible mother for not feeling the need to communicate frequently so long as they are ok with that too. Presumably they would contact you as well though. I think boys are worse than girls for phoning and keeping in touch though. My eldest daughter has a busy career and not a lot of free time so I do not like to ring constantly but the odd whats app comment reassures me she is ok. Can you do a what's app family chat group so you can all keep in touch?
    Early retired in December 2017

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    • cheeky-peach
    • By cheeky-peach 12th Aug 19, 6:55 AM
    • 101 Posts
    • 140 Thanks
    cheeky-peach
    My husband and I live away from 'home' though my family are a bit closer at 1hr30 mins away. I speak to my mother most days via text and on the phone a few times a week. We also have a family WhatsApp group with my sister which is used most days with pictures etc.

    My husband calls his mum every so often but it'll usually be "oh I haven't spoken to Mum in a while, i'll give her a call" rather than a scheduled call. My personal experience is that boys tend to have less contact but obviously that depends on the boy and personal circumstances.

    Though we are expecting a baby in December and I was first hoping for a girl as my first thought was "A daughter is for life but a son is a son until he finds a wife" which is a old saying and not strictly true of course!
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 12th Aug 19, 7:57 AM
    • 5,812 Posts
    • 13,465 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    As a grown up offspring (I got told off on here for referring to an adult as a "child" when writing of the relationship with a parent ), I call my parents once a week. Given that my father is well past 80 and has some serious health problems that cannot be cured I do try to make sure I don't miss a week even when I'm in desperate need of shutting the world out.

    Couldn't imagine calling / texting / whatsapp daily . Well, whatsapp would need them to get smartphones, so that's not happening.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

    5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.
    • LandyAndy
    • By LandyAndy 12th Aug 19, 8:07 AM
    • 24,820 Posts
    • 52,221 Thanks
    LandyAndy
    My sons are 23 and 25 and both postgraduate students. Ever since they went to university we have had a video call with them on a Sunday. Not absolutely every Sunday but most. I have a phone conversation with my mother on Sunday evening.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 12th Aug 19, 9:12 AM
    • 12,208 Posts
    • 16,632 Thanks
    hazyjo
    In reverse - I speak with my mum nearly every day. Don't ring if it's got too late and I've not noticed, or if one of us is out, but we do speak most days. Didn't speak Sat, but was on the phone for 58 minutes last night lol.


    I'm 49. She's 74.
    PS Less than 30 miles away. Prob see her once a month-ish.
    Last edited by hazyjo; 12-08-2019 at 9:16 AM.
    2019 wins: Bottle of Prosecco; Popcorn Shed popcorn; Moisturising 'M&S Time Capsules'; Case of Boost Sport + £30 Just Eat voucher; Battle Proms tickets and hotel; under-eye serum...
    • dan958
    • By dan958 12th Aug 19, 9:59 AM
    • 252 Posts
    • 457 Thanks
    dan958
    Will whatsapp my mum every couple of days, we generally just share the yellow sticker deals we got at supermarkets, and the meals we have made

    I will also see my parents and sister on the weekend as we generally got round their for a movie night.
    Grocery Challenge
    In Process - September- £32.07/£80
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    • littlemonkeywolf
    • By littlemonkeywolf 12th Aug 19, 8:46 PM
    • 93 Posts
    • 277 Thanks
    littlemonkeywolf
    Phone my dad most evenings on the way home from work to check up on him and see him once a week. Live an hour away from him and he cant reply to texts but can read them!
    My mum I can go months without contact and even them its only a happy birthday/mother day text and will see her usually twice a year max.
    Member of Mortgage free in three.
    55. littlemonkeywolf. Reduce my mortgage
    • BookmobileBadGirl
    • By BookmobileBadGirl 12th Aug 19, 9:49 PM
    • 175 Posts
    • 237 Thanks
    BookmobileBadGirl
    I am 32 - I go home every other month or so, phone once a fortnight or so, but WhatsApp every other day

    Older brother is 34 he has two children and lives in the same town as my parents and pops round pretty much every day as our parents to the school pick ups.

    Little brother is 26, I don’t think he has ever phoned our mother in his life, and he can go weeks without sending a WhatsApp

    All families are different, if you would like more contact then talk to your sons. If you just think you should based on other people, ignore other people
    Currently (02/04/2019) £62,265 Aim (05/11/2021) £50,000

    Mortgage - Shared Ownership 25% £75,300 - MF December 2051 December 2045
    • JIL
    • By JIL 12th Aug 19, 10:04 PM
    • 4,838 Posts
    • 24,818 Thanks
    JIL
    I see my parents three times per week, they visit me twice a week, because it gets them out of their house, is their reason.. I then visit them at the weekend. I see my in laws usually on a Sunday and they come for dinner once a month.

    My eldest texts and WhatsApp messages a few times a week and he comes for the weekend ever 6 to 8 weeks. Sometimes we go away for a holiday and he visits us, sometimes for a few days in Spain. Husband also goes to sports events with him.

    The middle son lives with his girlfriend, he messages quite often. He messaged yesterday to tell me he had found a dog! Then again to tell me it had been reunited with its owners. We often go and visit, they visit us. They also came to see us when we were on holiday.

    The youngest lives mostly at home, so see her most days.
    Last edited by JIL; 12-08-2019 at 10:08 PM.
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