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  • FIRST POST
    • CoolBeans22
    • By CoolBeans22 21st Oct 19, 1:35 PM
    • 28Posts
    • 28Thanks
    CoolBeans22
    Lost and nowhere to turn
    • #1
    • 21st Oct 19, 1:35 PM
    Lost and nowhere to turn 21st Oct 19 at 1:35 PM
    Iím so sorry if Iím not posting this in the right place. I canít think clearly, quite literally at the moment and I am desperate to find some help.

    My husband was ill a few years ago and had to give up a managerial position with a company he had worked for for over 30 years. Our household income more than halved overnight. He now has an IVA to pay off credit cards etc that we were previously able to pay. Last year, I suffered a heart condition and was off work for nearly 11 months, 6 months on half pay and 5 months with zero.

    We rent privately and need to move somewhere cheaper. Our son has left home and our daughter dearly wants to but until we can find somewhere else, we need her contribution to rent. So her life is on hold too. We are finding it virtually impossible to move when we say we have pets and an IVA. We even put together a pack for landlords to explain our situation and included references etc.

    We have both hit an all time low and are just not making ends meet in any shape, way or form. My husband has been diagnosed with mild depression and I have been diagnosed with severe depression. We have both had thoughts of not being here anymore.

    There is no fun in our lives anymore. Money/bills are on our minds 24/7 day in, day out and we cannot see a way out of this. I want to go to a ĎMartin Lewisí for help but I know they donít exist. No offence to Citizens Advice but we have been given some wrong information in the past and we feel we need more than they can offer us. I just want to sit down with someone and try to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Any help will be hugely appreciated.

    Thank you X
Page 1
    • Iwantanewlife
    • By Iwantanewlife 21st Oct 19, 2:05 PM
    • 322 Posts
    • 1,248 Thanks
    Iwantanewlife
    • #2
    • 21st Oct 19, 2:05 PM
    • #2
    • 21st Oct 19, 2:05 PM
    Firstly, I just want to say that im sorry your having such a hard time. Things will get better, remember this is just a moment in time and you will get through it. There is some amazing advice and support on this forum, and people far better qualified than me will be along soon to help you. I wish you the best of luck x
    My debt free journey, diary and all!

    Diary: New life pending.....
    • sourcrates
    • By sourcrates 21st Oct 19, 2:37 PM
    • 18,637 Posts
    • 17,553 Thanks
    sourcrates
    • #3
    • 21st Oct 19, 2:37 PM
    • #3
    • 21st Oct 19, 2:37 PM
    Hi,

    If you rent and have no real assets, have you given thought to bankrupcy ?
    It only lasts 12 months, and then another 5 years on your file, same as IVA, lots of bankrupts and former bankrupts are able to rent, your problem is your IVA, you/he would have to allow that to fail first, you do this by non payment, once failed, he can apply for bankrupcy, one of his creditors may do this anyway, its possible, but unlikley.

    An IVA can drag out to 7 years on occasion, although most last 5/6 years, bankrupcy is not the ordeal it once was, its all done online and by post, no court appearance, just a simple phone call from the OR to discuss the case, more of a box ticking excercise than anything else.

    Its by far the quickest route out of debt, but obviously its a major decision which needs careful concideration, some see bankrupcy as a last resort, but occasionaly it should be viewed as more of a first responce if its the right solution for you.
    Last edited by sourcrates; 21-10-2019 at 2:40 PM.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Credit File and Ratings, Bankruptcy And Living With It, boards. "I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly".
    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to:
    forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com.
    Any views expressed are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
    For free debt advice, contact either : Stepchange, National Debtline, CitizensAdviceBureaux.
    • Willing2Learn
    • By Willing2Learn 21st Oct 19, 4:33 PM
    • 4,647 Posts
    • 4,195 Thanks
    Willing2Learn
    • #4
    • 21st Oct 19, 4:33 PM
    • #4
    • 21st Oct 19, 4:33 PM
    If you and your husband spend a lot of time at home, due to your respective ongoing health problems, then have you considered doing online opinion polls and market research? I earn between £100-£200 / month doing this, depending on how diligent I am. It is obviously not a solution for you, but it could pay for the odd day out here and there, and have a positive impact on your quality of life...
    I work within the voluntary sector, supporting vulnerable people to rebuild their lives.

    I love my job

    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 21st Oct 19, 6:09 PM
    • 9,666 Posts
    • 49,449 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    • #5
    • 21st Oct 19, 6:09 PM
    • #5
    • 21st Oct 19, 6:09 PM
    HI OP - you really have been through a rotten time.

    First - and most importantly, if you feel suicidal thoughts resurfacing please speak with someone. The Samaritans are available 24 hours a day, and the charity Mind also have a helpline that can point you to assistance that is available.

    Take on board what Sourcrates has to say above - there is NO shame in bankruptcy whatsoever and it really could be the right route for you.

    Might it help you to put together an SOA (Statement of Affairs) and post that in here so we can take a look and try to offer some further suggestions? I don't know whether the link in my signature is working again yet, but if not there is a post at the top of the board with a link to a temporary solution.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    SOA CALCULATOR (for DFW newbies): SOA Calculator
    • sazaccount
    • By sazaccount 21st Oct 19, 6:09 PM
    • 449 Posts
    • 409 Thanks
    sazaccount
    • #6
    • 21st Oct 19, 6:09 PM
    • #6
    • 21st Oct 19, 6:09 PM
    Hi,

    You don't mention that you or your partner are on any benefits, I suggest popping over to the benefits part of the forum to see what you can be claiming.
    • tlc678910
    • By tlc678910 22nd Oct 19, 7:42 PM
    • 913 Posts
    • 1,395 Thanks
    tlc678910
    • #7
    • 22nd Oct 19, 7:42 PM
    • #7
    • 22nd Oct 19, 7:42 PM
    Hi,
    I think you should try to make appointments to register with and get help from housing associations/social housing providers in your area. Tell them that you would like to register but would really appreciate the help and advice of a housing officer if possible.

    Housing associations can manage their own waiting lists to my knowledge (which could be outdated I admit) so if you tell them about your ill health (depression as well as any physical issues) and affordability circumstances they might be able to use these when ranking your priority. Sometimes homes for ďolder peopleĒ are easier to get but these can be from the age of 55 - so donít rule these out if you might be eligible. You might even be eligible for some tenancy support time if a housing association could accommodate you so ask for any help on offer.

    You could also ask the council for help finding a new private let as they may have knowledge of providers that donít insist on a clear credit record etc but obviously Councilís housing services are under a lot of strain - still itís worth a go to see if you get a helpful housing officer.

    Hope things start to improve for you
    • Willing2Learn
    • By Willing2Learn 22nd Oct 19, 9:18 PM
    • 4,647 Posts
    • 4,195 Thanks
    Willing2Learn
    • #8
    • 22nd Oct 19, 9:18 PM
    • #8
    • 22nd Oct 19, 9:18 PM
    Might it help you to put together an SOA (Statement of Affairs) and post that in here so we can take a look and try to offer some further suggestions? I don't know whether the link in my signature is working again yet, but if not there is a post at the top of the board with a link to a temporary solution.
    Originally posted by EssexHebridean
    https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php


    I agree. Please complete the SOA and post it up for best advice, guidance and support. Click on the 'format for MSE' button.
    I work within the voluntary sector, supporting vulnerable people to rebuild their lives.

    I love my job

    • monetxchange
    • By monetxchange 23rd Oct 19, 3:22 PM
    • 56 Posts
    • 99 Thanks
    monetxchange
    • #9
    • 23rd Oct 19, 3:22 PM
    • #9
    • 23rd Oct 19, 3:22 PM
    Some great advice already. Just to say we're all here to support you. Put together a SOA and we'll see how it looks. Do not despair.

    My number one focus would be checking your benefits. Nobody should have zero income for months on end. I don't know if you feel ashamed or not entitled to them, but you absolutely must apply as they're your entitlement. Benefits and some housing benefit/a council place could turn it around for you and your family.
    Highest Debt: £29,500. LBM: April 2019
    TO GO: Barclaycard £11,307 £4,000 | Overdraft £2,575 £700
    GONE: HMRC £8,500 £0 Builder £3,500 £0 | Vanquis £3,222 £0 | Capital One £1,410 £0
    SAVED: Emergency Fund: £3,220. Tax Bill Fund: £4,400.
    • CurlySue2017
    • By CurlySue2017 23rd Oct 19, 4:42 PM
    • 193 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    CurlySue2017
    We have both hit an all time low and are just not making ends meet in any shape, way or form. My husband has been diagnosed with mild depression and I have been diagnosed with severe depression. We have both had thoughts of not being here anymore.

    There is no fun in our lives anymore. Money/bills are on our minds 24/7 day in, day out and we cannot see a way out of this. I want to go to a ĎMartin Lewisí for help but I know they donít exist. No offence to Citizens Advice but we have been given some wrong information in the past and we feel we need more than they can offer us. I just want to sit down with someone and try to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Any help will be hugely appreciated.

    Thank you X
    Originally posted by CoolBeans22
    I read all of your post but this part inparticular really struck a chord with me because even though your situation is different to ours, the way that you are feeling about it sounds very much the same as us.

    I have no practical advice to offer - I have been advised how to proceed by all of the great people here - so I will leave that part to them.

    I just wanted to say that you are by no means alone and I find that posting here really helps, it's almost like a form of counselling because you are 'talking to' people who have been through it themselves, or have close experience of it, so they understand.

    The people on this board will not judge, they will simply advise and do their best to help.....and they really do help, trust me!

    Keep posting here and keep your chin up, you will get through this
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 23rd Oct 19, 4:53 PM
    • 9,451 Posts
    • 21,901 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Sorry you find yourself in this position and that you are finding life so difficult at the moment. Illness compounds the stress of financial hardship so I am sure your mood is being affected by both at the moment. The first thing to say is that any financial situation can be sorted but I am not sure an IVA is for you if you are both off ill. Stepchange are great and if you have not already rung them I strongly recommend you do that. You also need to build an entertainment amount into your budget so you can have fun but within reason. Your IVA may be set too high.

    I am not sure what to recommend re moving to a more suitable property as there is no getting away from the fact you have two things stacked against you in terms of a poor credit record presumably and pets both of which pose problems for some landlords. All I can suggest there is you keep trying.
    Early retired in December 2017

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • onwards&upwards
    • By onwards&upwards 25th Oct 19, 10:15 AM
    • 1,341 Posts
    • 2,652 Thanks
    onwards&upwards
    Pets may cost money but for many (myself included) the mental health benefits they provide mean that giving them up is not an option
    Originally posted by Fiona CW

    Not to mention that a pet is a living thing and getting rid of them is cruel and irresponsible, theyíre not a consumer item you can flog on for a bit of spare cash.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 25th Oct 19, 12:44 PM
    • 4,935 Posts
    • 12,373 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    Please do post your budget - the people here are very helpful
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card / JD Williams cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge
    • -taff
    • By -taff 25th Oct 19, 1:32 PM
    • 10,631 Posts
    • 15,390 Thanks
    -taff
    It doesn't matter what has happened before, it's what's happening now that's important.
    Posting a SOA OP will show the usual helpful posters what your income v expenditure is and where/if/how you can make cutbacks or find a nother way to prioritise debt.
    Please ignore the poster who wants to beat you with a stick because you haven't conformed to his idea of what your life should be like. If you've made mistakes, you've madem istakes, now's the time to try and sort them out
    • CoolBeans22
    • By CoolBeans22 25th Oct 19, 1:58 PM
    • 28 Posts
    • 28 Thanks
    CoolBeans22
    Thank you
    That would definitely help. Do you have any recommended links please? I would be very grateful. Thank you.
    • Willing2Learn
    • By Willing2Learn 25th Oct 19, 2:01 PM
    • 4,647 Posts
    • 4,195 Thanks
    Willing2Learn
    Do you have any recommended links please?
    Originally posted by CoolBeans22
    Statement of Affairs (SOA)

    Please remember to click on the 'format for MSE' button somewhere near the bottom of the forum
    I work within the voluntary sector, supporting vulnerable people to rebuild their lives.

    I love my job

    • CoolBeans22
    • By CoolBeans22 25th Oct 19, 2:05 PM
    • 28 Posts
    • 28 Thanks
    CoolBeans22
    I apologise for not coming back on here sooner, especially if I worried anyone. My Mum has dementia and had a bad fall this week. I have also been on jury duty of all things and have just come on today to see all your wonderfully helpful and supportive emails. Iím not quite sure how to use this site fully but I want to read and reply to everyone which I will do as I canít tell you how much I appreciate this. I just wanted to post a quick reply in the interim so you know that we are ok.
    • CoolBeans22
    • By CoolBeans22 25th Oct 19, 2:08 PM
    • 28 Posts
    • 28 Thanks
    CoolBeans22
    Links
    If you and your husband spend a lot of time at home, due to your respective ongoing health problems, then have you considered doing online opinion polls and market research? I earn between £100-£200 / month doing this, depending on how diligent I am. It is obviously not a solution for you, but it could pay for the odd day out here and there, and have a positive impact on your quality of life...
    Originally posted by Willing2Learn
    Thank you so much, do you have any recommended links?
    • Rabbit24
    • By Rabbit24 25th Oct 19, 2:09 PM
    • 27 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    Rabbit24
    Just wanted to wish the OP luck, rather than read and run.
    Also to say that sadly our old dog is no longer with us, but I would have given a lot of things up before I gave him away because he got me though some really bad times.
    • Retireby40
    • By Retireby40 25th Oct 19, 2:09 PM
    • 79 Posts
    • 57 Thanks
    Retireby40
    OP I do apologise if my posts do sound abit harsh. It's just I'm trying to understand your position not because you should conform to my way of thinking but just in order to see what life was like before and spending patterns in order to give advice going forward.

    The advice we would give to someone who had regular spending habits to one that overspends or spends money on gambling drinking shopping and non essentials is different.

    Also what your income is and benefits you receive is also important to us to see what you can or cant afford.
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