Lost and nowhere to turn

CoolBeans22 · 21 October 2019 at 1:35PM

I’m so sorry if I’m not posting this in the right place. I can’t think clearly, quite literally at the moment and I am desperate to find some help.

My husband was ill a few years ago and had to give up a managerial position with a company he had worked for for over 30 years. Our household income more than halved overnight. He now has an IVA to pay off credit cards etc that we were previously able to pay. Last year, I suffered a heart condition and was off work for nearly 11 months, 6 months on half pay and 5 months with zero.

We rent privately and need to move somewhere cheaper. Our son has left home and our daughter dearly wants to but until we can find somewhere else, we need her contribution to rent. So her life is on hold too. We are finding it virtually impossible to move when we say we have pets and an IVA. We even put together a pack for landlords to explain our situation and included references etc.

We have both hit an all time low and are just not making ends meet in any shape, way or form. My husband has been diagnosed with mild depression and I have been diagnosed with severe depression. We have both had thoughts of not being here anymore.

There is no fun in our lives anymore. Money/bills are on our minds 24/7 day in, day out and we cannot see a way out of this. I want to go to a ‘Martin Lewis’ for help but I know they don’t exist. No offence to Citizens Advice but we have been given some wrong information in the past and we feel we need more than they can offer us. I just want to sit down with someone and try to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Any help will be hugely appreciated.

Thank you X

Iwantanewlife · 21 October 2019 at 2:05PM

Firstly, I just want to say that im sorry your having such a hard time. Things will get better, remember this is just a moment in time and you will get through it. There is some amazing advice and support on this forum, and people far better qualified than me will be along soon to help you. I wish you the best of luck x

sourcrates · 21 October 2019 at 2:37PM

Hi,

If you rent and have no real assets, have you given thought to bankrupcy ?
It only lasts 12 months, and then another 5 years on your file, same as IVA, lots of bankrupts and former bankrupts are able to rent, your problem is your IVA, you/he would have to allow that to fail first, you do this by non payment, once failed, he can apply for bankrupcy, one of his creditors may do this anyway, its possible, but unlikley.

An IVA can drag out to 7 years on occasion, although most last 5/6 years, bankrupcy is not the ordeal it once was, its all done online and by post, no court appearance, just a simple phone call from the OR to discuss the case, more of a box ticking excercise than anything else.

Its by far the quickest route out of debt, but obviously its a major decision which needs careful concideration, some see bankrupcy as a last resort, but occasionaly it should be viewed as more of a first responce if its the right solution for you.

Willing2Learn · 21 October 2019 at 4:33PM

If you and your husband spend a lot of time at home, due to your respective ongoing health problems, then have you considered doing online opinion polls and market research? I earn between £100-£200 / month doing this, depending on how diligent I am. It is obviously not a solution for you, but it could pay for the odd day out here and there, and have a positive impact on your quality of life...

EssexHebridean · 21 October 2019 at 6:09PM

HI OP - you really have been through a rotten time.

First - and most importantly, if you feel suicidal thoughts resurfacing please speak with someone. The Samaritans are available 24 hours a day, and the charity Mind also have a helpline that can point you to assistance that is available.

Take on board what Sourcrates has to say above - there is NO shame in bankruptcy whatsoever and it really could be the right route for you.

Might it help you to put together an SOA (Statement of Affairs) and post that in here so we can take a look and try to offer some further suggestions? I don't know whether the link in my signature is working again yet, but if not there is a post at the top of the board with a link to a temporary solution.

sazaccount · 21 October 2019 at 6:09PM

Hi,

You don't mention that you or your partner are on any benefits, I suggest popping over to the benefits part of the forum to see what you can be claiming.

tlc678910 · 22 October 2019 at 7:42PM

Hi,
I think you should try to make appointments to register with and get help from housing associations/social housing providers in your area. Tell them that you would like to register but would really appreciate the help and advice of a housing officer if possible.

Housing associations can manage their own waiting lists to my knowledge (which could be outdated I admit) so if you tell them about your ill health (depression as well as any physical issues) and affordability circumstances they might be able to use these when ranking your priority. Sometimes homes for “older people” are easier to get but these can be from the age of 55 - so don’t rule these out if you might be eligible. You might even be eligible for some tenancy support time if a housing association could accommodate you so ask for any help on offer.

You could also ask the council for help finding a new private let as they may have knowledge of providers that don’t insist on a clear credit record etc but obviously Council’s housing services are under a lot of strain - still it’s worth a go to see if you get a helpful housing officer.

Hope things start to improve for you

Willing2Learn · 22 October 2019 at 9:18PM

EssexHebridean wrote: »

Might it help you to put together an SOA (Statement of Affairs) and post that in here so we can take a look and try to offer some further suggestions? I don't know whether the link in my signature is working again yet, but if not there is a post at the top of the board with a link to a temporary solution.

https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

I agree. Please complete the SOA and post it up for best advice, guidance and support. Click on the 'format for MSE' button.

monetxchange · 23 October 2019 at 3:22PM

Some great advice already. Just to say we're all here to support you. Put together a SOA and we'll see how it looks. Do not despair.

My number one focus would be checking your benefits. Nobody should have zero income for months on end. I don't know if you feel ashamed or not entitled to them, but you absolutely must apply as they're your entitlement. Benefits and some housing benefit/a council place could turn it around for you and your family.

CurlySue2017 · 23 October 2019 at 4:42PM

CoolBeans22 wrote: »

We have both hit an all time low and are just not making ends meet in any shape, way or form. My husband has been diagnosed with mild depression and I have been diagnosed with severe depression. We have both had thoughts of not being here anymore.

There is no fun in our lives anymore. Money/bills are on our minds 24/7 day in, day out and we cannot see a way out of this. I want to go to a ‘Martin Lewis’ for help but I know they don’t exist. No offence to Citizens Advice but we have been given some wrong information in the past and we feel we need more than they can offer us. I just want to sit down with someone and try to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Any help will be hugely appreciated.

Thank you X

I read all of your post but this part inparticular really struck a chord with me because even though your situation is different to ours, the way that you are feeling about it sounds very much the same as us.

I have no practical advice to offer - I have been advised how to proceed by all of the great people here - so I will leave that part to them.

I just wanted to say that you are by no means alone and I find that posting here really helps, it's almost like a form of counselling because you are 'talking to' people who have been through it themselves, or have close experience of it, so they understand.

The people on this board will not judge, they will simply advise and do their best to help.....and they really do help, trust me!

Keep posting here and keep your chin up, you will get through this

enthusiasticsaver · 23 October 2019 at 4:53PM

Sorry you find yourself in this position and that you are finding life so difficult at the moment. Illness compounds the stress of financial hardship so I am sure your mood is being affected by both at the moment. The first thing to say is that any financial situation can be sorted but I am not sure an IVA is for you if you are both off ill. Stepchange are great and if you have not already rung them I strongly recommend you do that. You also need to build an entertainment amount into your budget so you can have fun but within reason. Your IVA may be set too high.

I am not sure what to recommend re moving to a more suitable property as there is no getting away from the fact you have two things stacked against you in terms of a poor credit record presumably and pets both of which pose problems for some landlords. All I can suggest there is you keep trying.

Lost and nowhere to turn

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