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  • FIRST POST
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 2nd Jan 17, 10:55 PM
    • 3,118Posts
    • 22,310Thanks
    sashybo
    Sashybo - Back Again
    • #1
    • 2nd Jan 17, 10:55 PM
    Sashybo - Back Again 2nd Jan 17 at 10:55 PM
    Hi all, has been a good long while this time since I've had a diary, think this is number 4 overall. My last diary can be found HERE.

    Current debt now under 10K. This is mostly made up of loans we had to take out to cover the negative equity of the flat we sold a couple of years ago.

    I must admit we have slipped occasionally and had to do a couple of BT's etc as got into a bit more debt when we bought a new house & wanted shiny new things to go in it.

    Overall, things are headed in the right direction but now we have a new challenge as DH & I are expecting a baby in May.

    I only get 3 months full pay then 3 months half pay on maternity leave in my job & won't be able to go back full time as we both do shift work and there's no way to work childcare around the shifts we do (7 days in a row & many unsociable hours to boot). So we'll have to reduce the spending & batter the debt as will have a smaller income.

    So I've come crawling back - I find having a diary here does help to keep me focused and stop so much silly spending.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - 13,118 extra paid off debt.
    Total Debt paid off 62,652. Car loans 14,621.57, Garage conversion 7,168.
    EF started 01/09/19 100
    Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
Page 55
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 15th Oct 19, 11:30 PM
    • 3,118 Posts
    • 22,310 Thanks
    sashybo
    Thanks for the cabbage leaf tip, Honeysuckle. Feeling a bit better today, not so hard and sore.

    DH is a bit worried in case DS feels left out of things, so is trying his best to give him a bit more attention. It's nice for me to have a bit of peace as DS is very loud and grumpy at the moment with the terrible twos. His emotions seem to be all over the place!

    Dancing, DS is fascinated by his little sister and mostly just wants to kiss her. He has, however, also put a load of toys in the Moses basket (whilst she was in it ), ran a toy bus up and down her and tried to pinch her cheeks to name but a few of his gestures of affection. I know he doesn't mean to hurt her and is too young to understand but we do have to keep quite a close eye on what he's doing when he's near her.

    I'm feeling pretty tired & bit stressed with DS, he's so up & down atm. Baby is lovely & definitely enjoying the snuggles though.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - 13,118 extra paid off debt.
    Total Debt paid off 62,652. Car loans 14,621.57, Garage conversion 7,168.
    EF started 01/09/19 100
    Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • minimuffin12
    • By minimuffin12 16th Oct 19, 12:39 AM
    • 339 Posts
    • 856 Thanks
    minimuffin12
    Hi Sashybo, just wanted to say congrats on the birth of your DD! Your birth sounds very like mine 2nd time round (also a DD, ive one of each too ��) i got to the hospitsl fully dilated and hubby was parking the car and they wheeled me away, she was born less than an hr later. Funny i remember shaking for ages after too, must be the adrenaline.

    Just take it a day at a time for now, the early days are hard and i know there is a lot of guilt when you have to divide yourself 2 ways! You know how quick this time will go! Did i read that you are hoping to get your son into a nursery? Mine was in 3 days and it was a godsend when i had just had dd. Ds was 2.8 when his sister was born and i was in a haze for a very long time..infact i still am and she is almost 4 ��
    Minimuffin x
    Mum of 2
    • XSpender
    • By XSpender 16th Oct 19, 8:01 AM
    • 3,438 Posts
    • 35,132 Thanks
    XSpender
    Coming out of lurkdom to congratulate you and DH on the birth of your daughter.

    Hope you are getting lots of rest x
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 16th Oct 19, 11:30 AM
    • 3,118 Posts
    • 22,310 Thanks
    sashybo
    Hi minimuffin & XSpender.

    Minimuffin, the shaking was weird, the midwife did say it was the adrenaline as the birth was so fast. I'm definitely struggling with DS as I feel he's playing up a bit due to all the changes and it's not his fault but it's so draining. It will be a big challenge when DH goes back to work next week but we'll just have to get on with it.

    I was thinking of putting DS into nursery but it would have to be private as he doesn't get any free hours until next August and it will probably be too expensive. Will see how I get on, I might be able to get my mum to take him one day a week just for a break!

    XSpender, I lurk on your diary too. Thanks for the congrats and I'm trying to rest, I always want to do too much and need to stop myself.

    DH has been huffing and puffing last night and this morning about how terrible he feels. Anyone would think he's the one that had the baby.

    The outlaws are coming up to visit at the end of the month. Thankfully NOT staying with us.

    Also have to wait a ridiculous amount of time to register our DD's birth - first appointment we could get is in 2 weeks time as we both have to attend. We will be over the 21 day limit by 1 day at that point! Apparently September & October have been super busy for births - all of the nearby maternity hospitals had to close to new admissions/divert for at least part of September. So I suppose it makes sense that there are a lot of births to be registered!
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - 13,118 extra paid off debt.
    Total Debt paid off 62,652. Car loans 14,621.57, Garage conversion 7,168.
    EF started 01/09/19 100
    Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • Moneywhizz
    • By Moneywhizz 16th Oct 19, 1:37 PM
    • 277 Posts
    • 1,321 Thanks
    Moneywhizz
    My daughter had her children with about the same age gap as you and my gds took quite a while to adjust to the change. it must be hard for them to adjust to someone else getting the attention that they had but he did get used to it. He also had to be watched all the time with the baby. Not that he was trying to hurt her, but his playing was somewhat rough! He sounds a bit like your ds and doesn't regulate his emotions well. Just take all the help you can get from whoever is available, even the outlaws!
    Last edited by Moneywhizz; 16-10-2019 at 5:47 PM.
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 16th Oct 19, 7:04 PM
    • 2,538 Posts
    • 16,200 Thanks
    redofromstart
    Congratulations - so pleased for you!

    Hope DS and DH adjust quickly. Hard to be reasonable when you are tired.
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 18th Oct 19, 7:23 PM
    • 3,118 Posts
    • 22,310 Thanks
    sashybo
    Thanks Moneywhizz, I think it's a mixture of everything for DS plus the terrible twos thrown in. Meltdowns are a regular occurrence just now.

    Thanks redo. DH has decided he isn't well but is still helping out and doing his fair share thankfully. DS is constantly tired just now as he's refusing to nap in the afternoon but still needs it so is a total brat from dinner time to bedtime as he's exhausted.

    I'm really struggling with DS as his behaviour is just so bad when he hears the word no. He's such hard work right now. I'm worried how I'll cope with him when DH is back at work. I know it's a phase but it's hard. He had a 30 minute screaming fit tonight because he didn't like what I'd made for his dinner.

    Two of my aunts came over for a visit with my mum the other day so it was nice to see them all. They brought some lovely clothes for DD - her first pink things as she's been wearing DS's neutral coloured stuff. So many cute girl clothes.

    My brother & his GF came over with the girls as well the next day so it was good to see them. More adorable girl's clothes received, I won't need to buy her much at this rate!

    Payday today I'm also 80p off cash out on OP.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - 13,118 extra paid off debt.
    Total Debt paid off 62,652. Car loans 14,621.57, Garage conversion 7,168.
    EF started 01/09/19 100
    Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 18th Oct 19, 9:51 PM
    • 2,083 Posts
    • 10,904 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    My first three were each 18 months apart so when DD1 turned 3, I had DD2 at 18 months and DS1 newborn. What I found helped me was lots of stories during feeding time so the older ones had some attention at the same time. I also found getting out once a day for a walk helped with toddler energy levels so that on our return home, they were more relaxed and easier to manage.

    Are there any groups to join locally? Can you have 1 day a week with your mum so that you know there's a point in the week that you have help?
    paydbx2019 #93 1211.29/10,100 .
    EF 40. SPC 141

    # savings# 17. Oven. 0 / 403
    • swimminginaseaofdebt
    • By swimminginaseaofdebt 18th Oct 19, 9:52 PM
    • 864 Posts
    • 5,239 Thanks
    swimminginaseaofdebt
    I'm really struggling with DS as his behaviour is just so bad when he hears the word no. He's such hard work right now. I'm worried how I'll cope with him when DH is back at work. I know it's a phase but it's hard. He had a 30 minute screaming fit tonight because he didn't like what I'd made for his dinner.
    Originally posted by sashybo
    My 3 year old does this too. Everyone says ignore the behaviour but it's blooming hard particularly when your head begins throbbing!

    I'll keep an eye out to see if you come up with any solutions that I can shamelessly take on board
    SPC11 #564 - 186.83
    SPC12 #22 - In Progress

    VSPC 2019 #10 - 132.88/100
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 19th Oct 19, 12:27 AM
    • 3,118 Posts
    • 22,310 Thanks
    sashybo
    Thanks for the suggestions Honeysuckle, I definitely find that going out for a walk helps DS but we live at the top of a big hill so it's fine going downhill but he then refuses to walk back up the hill! Partly because he doesn't want to go back in the house & partly because he's tired and the hill is steep. Then he has a tantrum & I have to bodily drag him back up it.

    I'll have to get us all in the car & drive down to a flatter area to have a walk. DS loves going in the car though so that might work.

    My mum's shifts change every week & she mostly works nightshifts so has to sleep some days but there should be at least one day every week that I can visit/she can come here so that I have help. She has always been a great help with DS.

    DH also works shifts so he has some weekdays off but other times he is working 7 or 8 days in a row and that will be hard to deal with.

    Swimming, I really hate the screaming and find it so hard to block out. DS knows it gets to me and then he starts sobbing mummy, mummy if I leave the room which makes me feel terrible (even though I'm in the next room and can see him). He did actually try a bit of the dinner after a lot of screaming but then starting screaming again followed by "OH YUCK! OH YUCK!"

    Maybe someone else will have a solution, my brain is mush right now.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - 13,118 extra paid off debt.
    Total Debt paid off 62,652. Car loans 14,621.57, Garage conversion 7,168.
    EF started 01/09/19 100
    Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • DancingInTheRain
    • By DancingInTheRain 20th Oct 19, 6:53 AM
    • 244 Posts
    • 859 Thanks
    DancingInTheRain
    Oh Sashy I feel for you, think my 2 have a similar age gap as DS1 was in full on tantrum stage when DS2 was born.
    I struggled with getting out at first too, I promise it does get easier (and sooner than you think).
    Things I found useful with DS1 was letting him play in the garden even just for 10 minutes seemed to let him burn off energy, I used to pop DS2 in a sling or in his pram so he and I had some fresh air too
    Letting DS1 do a bit of messy play while I fed DS2 - put a shower curtain on the floor and let him do things like washing his cars in a tub of water, play doh, finger painting. I also tried to have a 10 minute cuddle and story time with DS1 when DS2 napped (didn't always manage it though).
    I also paid for DS1 to go to his current schools 2 year old provision twice a week. This forced me to get out of the house at a set time and also gave me some much needed respite from him and his tantrums & gave him something just for him to do. A bonus of this was it has really helped with his transition to nursery too.
    Most importantly though give yourself a break, stuff the housework for a while and just get through this time of transition.
    01/06/19 Total Debt 13,636 11,065 18.85% PAID
    CC (0% to April 2021) 8,687/6,540 Family Loan 4,950/4,775
    Regular Saver (Debt Offset) 250
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 21st Oct 19, 12:14 PM
    • 3,118 Posts
    • 22,310 Thanks
    sashybo
    Thanks Dancing, DS has always been quite laid back which is why I think I'm finding the tantrum stage a bit more difficult than I thought it would be. Plus obviously we are all adjusting to being a family of four now.

    DS is definitely better behaved if we get outside for a while each day, as you say even just out in the garden. I have managed to get him to nap the last two afternoons as he really still needs the sleep and this has improved his behaviour a bit too. Fingers crossed we're getting back into a nap routine.

    Yesterday I took DS out with me to Mr M's for a few things and DH stayed at home with DD. DS was actually really well behaved apart from an initial tantrum about going into the trolley (he didn't want to ). It was nice just being me & DS even though we were just at the supermarket. When we were going home DS was saying "No Daddy, No Baby" so I think he agreed.

    Got a nice bargain at Mr M's with a 1L bottle of Baileys for 10. So that's something towards Christmas for DH & I. DS picked a pair of unicorn booties/slippers for DD but didn't like any of the slippers in his size. His favourite response to everything just now is NO.

    Today is DH's first day back at work. He was out scraping his car at 5am as there was frost. DH only working today and tomorrow and then he's off for 2 days but after that he's working 7 days in a row. I think that's when I'll struggle.

    The outlaws are descending on us in just over a week's time for 3 days. Sooo glad they're not staying with us, however they're only staying a 10 minute walk away (boo) so will probably be appearing at silly times in the morning and staying until late at night.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - 13,118 extra paid off debt.
    Total Debt paid off 62,652. Car loans 14,621.57, Garage conversion 7,168.
    EF started 01/09/19 100
    Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • VelvetFreak
    • By VelvetFreak 21st Oct 19, 10:08 PM
    • 305 Posts
    • 1,099 Thanks
    VelvetFreak
    Best of luck for the outlaws visit

    Emergency Fund: DONE! $10,000
    House Savings $7,017.35 / $80,000
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 21st Oct 19, 10:31 PM
    • 67,505 Posts
    • 306,193 Thanks
    beanielou
    Hope all goes well with the visitors!
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14. MFW. 16 months to mortgage freedom.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    • kirtsypoos
    • By kirtsypoos 22nd Oct 19, 10:34 AM
    • 3,448 Posts
    • 15,162 Thanks
    kirtsypoos
    Huge Congrats Sashy! xx
    PAID VERY, Barclaycard x3, Vanquis, Natwest, O/D, Tesco & MBNA x2 PAID LBM 24/07/15 - Original Debt: 0/31010.23 (100% paid)
    Mortgage - 153.800.00
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 24th Oct 19, 11:00 PM
    • 3,118 Posts
    • 22,310 Thanks
    sashybo
    Thanks all, not looking forward to the outlaws visit as they'll just try and take over all the time. I'll not get near the baby or DS.

    Thanks Kirsty.

    Had a busy-ish day yesterday as finally managed to tidy up the front garden. DH took DS out the back and then into the garage with him whilst he packed things up in there and I put DD in her car seat and took her out the front. I pulled out the dead sweet peas and hacked back the climbing rose that had gone a bit wild, then I deadheaded & pruned the hydrangea. Think it's a bit late in the year for pruning the hydrangea but it really needed done.

    The day before I got DS out into the back garden and let him run about and bundled DD up in her car seat and then I managed to mostly clear the greenhouse of the dead/dying off plants. It still needs tidied up but it's a lot better than it was. It did DS good to get out as well.

    One good thing with the outlaw visit is I'll have time to get out into the garden and finally get the rest of my bulbs planted in the front. It needs a good rake over first and maybe a bit of compost added though.

    I was also at the chiropractor and got adjusted, back next week again. Was feeling really stiff afterwards but a bit better today. The chiropractor also checked DD and did a few adjustments on her and I've to take her back next week with me to get a bit more work done. We took DS to the chiropractor as a newborn as well and I think it did help him.

    Cashed out another 10 SB the other day and another 5 today and got to payout on OP.

    Poor DD is having trouble with constipation so she's really sore and screaming every time she needs to go. It's horrible having to watch her in pain. The health visitor was round today for her first visit and didn't seem too concerned, just said we'll keep an eye on it. We've been doing massage and bicycle legs etc and I gave her a warm bath tonight to try and relax her. She enjoyed the bath but still no poo. She's such a content wee thing most of the time as well, poor baby.

    On the plus side DD is already back to her birth weight. So she's gaining weight well and is happy enough apart from the constipation and a bit of trapped wind.

    The HV is due back next week to weigh DD when the outlaws are up. I've told DH he needs to move them into the kitchen to give the HV peace, they're so nosey they'll be wanting to know what she's doing the whole time.

    DS is still being challenging, although he was actually really good for me when DH was at work. DH doing a few hours OT tonight and I had to do bedtime on my own with DS & DD. DS was hard work and DD wanted fed as soon as I started dealing with DS.

    I'm struggling with the lack of sleep atm but still feel so much better than I did at this point with DS. I was in a lot more pain last time and was like a zombie (a mombie? ) for at least the first 4 weeks.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - 13,118 extra paid off debt.
    Total Debt paid off 62,652. Car loans 14,621.57, Garage conversion 7,168.
    EF started 01/09/19 100
    Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 27th Oct 19, 10:49 AM
    • 3,118 Posts
    • 22,310 Thanks
    sashybo
    I think I overdid it earlier in the week as I was exhausted towards the end of this week. DD also didn't sleep well last night as she is still constipated, she wasn't even managing liquid poo yesterday. I think the longest stretch of sleep I got was 2 hours, so I'm knackered this morning too. Poor DD, I'm worried about her.

    I finally went through DS's clothes yesterday and took the too small stuff out and put it into a bag for the next charity bag we get through. I tidied the stuff that fits and organised the drawers so all the long sleeved tops, t-shirts etc are together. I have bags of his baby clothes to go through as well, will probably donate that stuff too as don't know anyone with a baby boy atm.

    My friend had a girl at the start of the year so she gave me two big bags of clothes for my DD. One lot is 0-3 months and another is 3-6 months, there was loads so will hardly need to buy much for DD at all. The stuff has hardly been worn as there was so much and they grow so fast at that age.

    I must admit that I did order a wee Mrs Claus dress (complete with stripey tights) for DD for Christmas and a Christmas pudding baby grow with matching hat. Have got a Christmas jumper & PJs for DS too.

    DS continues to be a challenge, he loves DD but is so rough with her as doesn't understand that he can hurt her. I have to watch him so carefully with her, he tried to cuddle her earlier and nearly strangled her and that was with me standing next to them. He is also playing up big time when both DH & I are at home, he's not too bad if there's just one of us (although he still has his moments).

    I have ordered a single bed to be delivered to my mum's house as DS is getting too big for the travel cot. Only paid 54 for the bed frame after discounts etc. Just need to find a reasonably priced mattress and a bed guard/rail to stop DS falling out. No big rush as he does still fit in the travel cot and we're hoping not to put him in the bed at my mum's until he's used to a bed at home. He'll be going into his bed when his new room is ready, hopefully before Christmas.

    My sister has offered to take both DS & DD for a couple of hours tomorrow afternoon. Will be my first time away from DD, not counting leaving her with DH for a while. I'm debating whether to go shopping to the big Primarni nearby or just head home for a sleep! The sleep option will definitely be cheaper.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - 13,118 extra paid off debt.
    Total Debt paid off 62,652. Car loans 14,621.57, Garage conversion 7,168.
    EF started 01/09/19 100
    Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 27th Oct 19, 7:39 PM
    • 67,505 Posts
    • 306,193 Thanks
    beanielou
    Sleep sounds good
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14. MFW. 16 months to mortgage freedom.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 27th Oct 19, 8:54 PM
    • 2,083 Posts
    • 10,904 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Seize the chance to rest!!
    paydbx2019 #93 1211.29/10,100 .
    EF 40. SPC 141

    # savings# 17. Oven. 0 / 403
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 31st Oct 19, 10:50 AM
    • 3,118 Posts
    • 22,310 Thanks
    sashybo
    I tried to sleep when my sister had the kids for a couple of hours the other day but only managed 45 mins. I was so tired but just couldn't sleep, typical.

    DS was fairly good getting his flu vaccination but did manage to run out the door of the Drs surgery (touch button doors, then automatic doors which open onto a car park ) when I turned my back for 10 seconds. I had to race after him, thank god there were no cars because he was out like a shot. So that was my rubbish mum moment for that day.

    Have got a charity bag through so will need to try and get some clothes sorted to go out in that for collection tomorrow morning. Will mostly be old baby clothes which won't do for DD. Some of DS's old stuff can probably be used for her but will have to have a look.

    Poor DD still struggling a bit with trapped wind/constipation. In proper paranoia I even took her to the Dr to get checked, I forgot how much I worried about everything when DS was a wee baby. Doing the same thing with DD now.

    The outlaws are just about to descend on us, will say goodbye to my children for the next few days. My plan is to go for a nap whenever they annoy me so I should be able to catch up on some sleep.

    My mum has been helping me with bedtime for most of the week since DH was on lates. She's been really good and it's been good to spend more time with her.

    Cashed out from PA & another 5 from SB. Emergency fund is up to 90, should be able to get into 3 figures soon as waiting for more survey money. Going to pay some off DH's bigger loan as well.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - 13,118 extra paid off debt.
    Total Debt paid off 62,652. Car loans 14,621.57, Garage conversion 7,168.
    EF started 01/09/19 100
    Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
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