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  • FIRST POST
    • Cat Loving Lady
    • By Cat Loving Lady 5th Feb 19, 11:43 AM
    • 61Posts
    • 54Thanks
    Cat Loving Lady
    Keeping up with the Joneses
    • #1
    • 5th Feb 19, 11:43 AM
    Keeping up with the Joneses 5th Feb 19 at 11:43 AM
    I am a almost 50 year old, married 2 teenagers. Despite having a good income between the two of is things are alwsys tight. We have a high mortgage, and a few debts. Over the years we've always tried to do the best for our kids and they both have savings in place of about 10k each when they reach 18. Eldest son is about to turn 18.

    Life itself is causing me to be depressed. Not because of me but my mother is always comparing us to others. She has friends who are better off than us and buying their kids brand new cars and often makes comments like aren't they lucky. She does the same about people's houses etc comparing them to ours. I'm fed up of it all.

    I can't compare to others but feel I've done the best with what I have had available.

    I've put up with this for years and it's absolute torture. I feel it puts such a weight on my shoulders.

    Would like to know if anyone else has felt in same position.
Page 2
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 11th May 19, 1:30 PM
    • 2,250 Posts
    • 8,676 Thanks
    BrassicWoman
    Seriously? I find that very sad.
    Originally posted by Leothecat
    I find it a self defense mechanism. People aren't pleasant to be with just because you are related to them.
    May 19 grocery challenge 100.79/ 200
    • svain
    • By svain 12th May 19, 9:11 PM
    • 463 Posts
    • 869 Thanks
    svain
    My close friendship group consists of mid to high earners .... None of us have brought brand new cars for our kids (i dont know anyone who has), not have we put large sums of money away for them to access at 18. When did this become a parental requirement??? ... what happened to kids making their own way in the world?? working for their own money, cars etc.

    My advice is us the 10k's you have saved and reduce your high mortgage/debts etc before passing onto your kids. If later down the line you are more comfortably off and your kids need a leg up then that is time imo (not new cars though) .... As for your mum ... just ignore her and grow a thicker skin ... this really works I promise you
    Last edited by svain; 12-05-2019 at 9:15 PM.
    • princesspennies
    • By princesspennies 3rd Jun 19, 3:28 PM
    • 55 Posts
    • 138 Thanks
    princesspennies
    Comparison is the thief of Joy, perhaps you should remind her how many children don't have any savings so what a lucky position your children are in to have been given that help.

    If she continues to compare around cars etc, I would ask if shes offering to put her hand in her pocket. x
    • welshbabe88
    • By welshbabe88 9th Sep 19, 1:50 PM
    • 87 Posts
    • 42 Thanks
    welshbabe88
    Sounds like your mum is quiet bitter and unhappy and this is her way - lots of people only get pleasure from complaining.
    But don't leave that define you. You have done well for you family - so be proud. There will always be others better off - even if you had billions. But think how much worse off most of the world is.
    A house is just a house and a car is just a car - it does not need to be a status symbol - that is a very shallow way of gauging anyone's worth. Don't leave her drag you down - either try and change the conversation or try and limit visits. Her constant undermining is doing you no good - so she definitely has nothing to crow about with being an ideal parent!
    • Mnd
    • By Mnd 9th Sep 19, 6:44 PM
    • 1,432 Posts
    • 2,219 Thanks
    Mnd
    Well, it's 3 months since this thread was active, 7 months since the original post, and the OP hasn't posted on this thread since (and gone off in a huff elsewhere) so I wouldn't worry too much about the problem with her mum
    • countrykate
    • By countrykate 29th Oct 19, 5:19 PM
    • 4 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    countrykate
    I am a almost 50 year old, married 2 teenagers. Despite having a good income between the two of is things are alwsys tight. We have a high mortgage, and a few debts. Over the years we've always tried to do the best for our kids and they both have savings in place of about 10k each when they reach 18. Eldest son is about to turn 18.

    Life itself is causing me to be depressed. Not because of me but my mother is always comparing us to others. She has friends who are better off than us and buying their kids brand new cars and often makes comments like aren't they lucky. She does the same about people's houses etc comparing them to ours. I'm fed up of it all.

    I can't compare to others but feel I've done the best with what I have had available.

    I've put up with this for years and it's absolute torture. I feel it puts such a weight on my shoulders.

    Would like to know if anyone else has felt in same position.
    Originally posted by Cat Loving Lady
    I have the same treatment from my ex in laws. They're a close knit family and have always had money i.e MIL's elderly Dad has always dished out money to his children and grandchildren so they're all on their feet thanks to him. But they're all vindictive and look down their noses at everyone else especially me. I grew up with poor parents who did their best to keep food on the table and make sure we had light and warmth. Our life was very much one steps forwards two steps back. They can't see that its always been daddy helping them out with thousands of pounds over and over again and thats why they are where they are today, not from their own doing. I completely agree with people wanting to make sure their children are financially stable. I hope to do that one day too. But I teach them to be kind hearted and compassionate too. And to not judge others.

    I don't have much but I try to not let it get to me. I just remind myself that I have a roof over my head for me and my children, a car (although very old) and we have a happy life. Thats all that matters.

    I've gotten myself in so much debt over the years trying to have what everyone else has. And when I finally had it all, the mortgage, the car, the massive TV's in every room, the instagram worthy house decor, the holidays, the expensive things...I realised how unhappy it made me. Plus the maintenance and hard work that went into paying for it all eventually it all came crashing down and everything was repossessed

    I now like the make do and mend lifestyle. The 40's and 50's way of living. The challenge of trying to tighten the purse strings is fun to me. I love batch cooking and rationing things, I love teaching my kids what really matters now.

    Having everything was no fun anyway. Once I had everything it was boring and hard work keeping it.

    As long as you and your kids are ok thats all that matters and it sounds like you've done a fantastic job ignore what other people think. Please don't let it depress you. I can absolutely guarantee that they are miserable too and don't have the 'perfect' life.

    I highly recommend reading Rich Dad Poor Dad. It really teaches you how much of a huge mistake people make, racing to acquire all of these 'assets' when in fact they're all liabilities. I was once that person and I can hand on heart say I wouldn't ever want to go back to my lavish lifestyle.
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