Difficult Will

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  • Hi and thankyou for taking time to reply to me.

    I was confused and tired at the time of replying to a few points so I got some wrong.

    I applied for probate I brother helped me but it was me who did it and I am named executor.

    Since then I had had a sibling and their partner demand items and belongings given to them from my mother's home that simply were not there I have explained this but they continue to email and write to me demanding them. I have asked my siblings partner not to contact me as they have threatened me in the past however my sibling has answered this by sending me a letter appointing the partner her representative.

    I have a few questions.

    When it comes to giving personal possesions to bebeificarys how can I avoid meeting them in person as to avoid confrontation such as this matter?

    And how can I stop harassment of myself from the said sibling and partner who are demanding items returned to them that they lend / gave to the deceased that aren't there?
  • Keep_pedalling
    Keep_pedalling Posts: 16,437
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    Thanks for clarifying the situation. Write to you SIL confirming that there is no trace of these items, and that you will not respond to any further questions on the matter. Set you email to forward any further emails from her to your junk folder, and simply bin any more letters unopened. Block her phone numbers while you are at it.

    Distribute any individual gifts via your helpful brother or post them, along with a copy of the estate accounts to all residual beneficiaries.
  • Yorkshireman99
    Yorkshireman99 Posts: 5,470 Forumite
    Thanks for clarifying the situation. Write to you SIL confirming that there is no trace of these items, and that you will not respond to any further questions on the matter. Set you email to forward any further emails from her to your junk folder, and simply bin any more letters unopened. Block her phone numbers while you are at it.

    Distribute any individual gifts via your helpful brother or post them, along with a copy of the estate accounts to all residual beneficiaries.
    I would also point out that what they have been doing is the criminal offence of harassment and that you will involve the police if it happens again.
  • If you feel that you do need to get a solicitor to help with probate, then the cost comes out of the estate. Tell the beneficiaries this if you need to.
    Ask the Probate Office for minor queries.
    Keep all documents - especially the letter saying you should deal with the s-i-l (myself I would send a copy of any communication to your brother 'for information')
    Is there a trusted family friend / member who could just confirm that after a good look in the most likely places, the items stated can't be found? I know it is difficult to prove a negative - I hunted for some things in my parents' belongings - and I suspect that they were 'hidden' somewhere daft and got bundled up & thrown away.
    Then I would deal with distribution by your brother, or registered post.
  • AnotherJoe
    AnotherJoe Posts: 19,622
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    Hi and thankyou for taking time to reply to me.

    I was confused and tired at the time of replying to a few points so I got some wrong.

    I applied for probate I brother helped me but it was me who did it and I am named executor.

    Since then I had had a sibling and their partner demand items and belongings given to them from my mother's home that simply were not there I have explained this but they continue to email and write to me demanding them. I have asked my siblings partner not to contact me as they have threatened me in the past however my sibling has answered this by sending me a letter appointing the partner her representative.

    I have a few questions.

    When it comes to giving personal possesions to bebeificarys how can I avoid meeting them in person as to avoid confrontation such as this matter?

    And how can I stop harassment of myself from the said sibling and partner who are demanding items returned to them that they lend / gave to the deceased that aren't there?

    Appoint a representative such as the helpful brother to pass them out.

    Contact the police. Keep a record of all threats.
  • Flugelhorn
    Flugelhorn Posts: 5,491
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    I don't think they can request gifts back, they are gifts after all and could have been left to someone else.

    bet they haven't got any receipts for these ..
  • I think in families who get on well, there can be a nice tradition of taking a previous gift as a memento . We have done this.
    As a teenager on a visit to Spode, I bought a beautiful (and to me, expensive) china plate that I knew my grandmother would love. Only 4 months later, it was given back to me, and 50 years on, is a treasured keepsake. I also have a bracelet that was a gift from me to my mother.
    I know that's not what is happening here! But just to say that it can be a nice reminder.
  • AnotherJoe
    AnotherJoe Posts: 19,622
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    Flugelhorn wrote: »
    I don't think they can request gifts back, they are gifts after all and could have been left to someone else.

    bet they haven't got any receipts for these ..

    To be fair, they can request gifts back. And I suspect that in most families such a request would be honoured in most cases. But if it cant be found, or there are special circumstances, then the request may not be granted. For example if granny got a gift of a Rolex from Edna and her will said "I leave my Rolex to Mary" well that's tough on Edna.

    What they cannot do is demand the return (well, they can demand but it will have the same effect as a request. )
  • Flugelhorn
    Flugelhorn Posts: 5,491
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    thinking about that is quite right - we had given some framed photos to a relative a few months before they died and knew that that another relly would like them, so gave them to them. Am sure it happens a lot
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,198
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    As others have said, if they gave gifts to your mother, those gifts became her property and are not theirs to re-claim.

    You do have to deal with her not your brother, if your brother has appointed her, but that doesn't mean you have to accept phone calls etc. It's fine for you to let her know that all communication needs to be in writing via royal mail, and that any attempt to contact you in any other way will be considered to be harassment and reported to the police as such.

    Keep copies of all correspondence (including printing off text messages)
    If you Brother / SIL said they 'gave' things to your mum then you have proof that the items were gifts not loans.

    If you do find any of the items they mention, then those would be part of your mum's estate. Once they have been valued, you could offer them to you brother as part of his share of the estate (e.g. if you find a watch worth £100, you could offer him that instead of £100 of his share of the estate) but you don't have to.

    If you want, you can instruct a solicitor to help deal with the estate. The costs would be padd out of the estate (not your personal funds) and the solicitor can deal with your brother and SIL.

    In relation to sending items, if you don't want to meet, you can post smaller items - send them tracked and insured. Larger items you can send via a courier - again, tracked and insured. or you can recruit another sibling or friend to deliver them on your behalf, in which case ensure that you get a signed receipt.
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
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