Considering separation from Disabled partner

Cold, callous, self serving and condescending comes to mind.
It takes a special sort of person to walk out on a disabled wife and two little children. You appear to be such a person.
Those poor little children will be psychologically damaged for the rest of their days. Time heals, but the memory stays.
At their age they live for the day.
Father walks out that is when their grief sets in, unless of course you keep them in the dark too about your leaving.
Your loyalty should be to your children's happiness, which is not just about ensuring that they have the physical things.

Even then if he didn't want children, I know of two failsafe ways of not getting a woman pregnant. It's not entirely OPs fault these children are here, but he could have done more, even if his wife was absolutely insistent, don't mean you can't say no, she is chair bound, how much can she do without his consent?

It's funny how when it comes to judging others, it is assumed that every actions people take/decisions people make are thought with an ability to see perfectly in the future and know exactly how they will feel then.

We all know that deciding to have children can be a bit of a Russian roulette moment. We could almost come up with reasons at the time why it might not be good idea, but people do, fall in love with their kids, manage and are over the moon that they took the plunge.

I expect OP has been confused emotionally almost from the time of diagnosis. It's very hard to go from thinking you're going to have a perfectly mapped future with all the things that people aspire to, to accepting that the reality might not be that dream. Also, I expect that the severity of the illness might have come to them as a surprise. MS is a very unpredictable illness, which can progress very slowly or very quickly, affect people only mildly, or very severely, and can hit sufferer suddenly, but then leave them able to live a normal life for many years in between.

Many people with MS have children and are perfectly able to cope. I expect it's not has much the diagnosis that has made it hard for OP to cope but the severity of it. Being away is only going to make it harder. Many marriages fall apart because of physical distance that gradually becomes emotional distance too. Disability in the mixed is only going to make it harder.

That letter was horrible but OP has made it clear that this was an exercise to allow him to get his feelings out, feelings that he has probably kept inside for a long time now and is starting to affect him psychologically.

I think people are being very harsh and would probably be much more understanding if they were in OP's shoes.

FBaby wrote: »

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I think people are being very harsh and would probably be much more understanding if they were in OP's shoes.

Don't mean to quote you, but maybe don't get married if you don't mean it?

FBaby wrote: »

It's funny how when it comes to judging others, it is assumed that every actions people take/decisions people make are thought with an ability to see perfectly in the future and know exactly how they will feel then.

We all know that deciding to have children can be a bit of a Russian roulette moment. We could almost come up with reasons at the time why it might not be good idea, but people do, fall in love with their kids, manage and are over the moon that they took the plunge.

I expect OP has been confused emotionally almost from the time of diagnosis. It's very hard to go from thinking you're going to have a perfectly mapped future with all the things that people aspire to, to accepting that the reality might not be that dream. Also, I expect that the severity of the illness might have come to them as a surprise. MS is a very unpredictable illness, which can progress very slowly or very quickly, affect people only mildly, or very severely, and can hit sufferer suddenly, but then leave them able to live a normal life for many years in between.

Many people with MS have children and are perfectly able to cope. I expect it's not has much the diagnosis that has made it hard for OP to cope but the severity of it. Being away is only going to make it harder. Many marriages fall apart because of physical distance that gradually becomes emotional distance too. Disability in the mixed is only going to make it harder.

That letter was horrible but OP has made it clear that this was an exercise to allow him to get his feelings out, feelings that he has probably kept inside for a long time now and is starting to affect him psychologically.

I think people are being very harsh and would probably be much more understanding if they were in OP's shoes.

You're talking about the OP being emotionally confused, about his future not being what he expected and MS being a surprise.

I'll bet it came as a much bigger shock to his wife.

I also have a feeling that the replies would have been entirely different had the OP been female.

It is very sad, but it will not be the first marriage to break up and won't t be the last.