My ex and my mortgage
Mattn81
Posts: 12 Forumite
New to the site but have found some helpful bits but nothing really relevant so thought I'd post. Sorry if it's any place it shouldn't be but it's hard doing this on a phone.
I'll start at the beginning to give you all an idea. Back in 2014 I bought a house with my wife. We struggled to get a mortgage but just managed it (I was on low income and she didn't work). Anyway 6 months after we moved in, I caught her cheating on me (again). I told her I couldn't be with her while this other guy was in her life and she moved out. Now I paid 99% of the deposit and fees etc and I also paid the mortgage itself (she paid most the house hold bills but her income was low anyway (benefits etc)). She got a place on benefits as we had only just got the mortgage so there was no money in the house. I took over all house hold bills and continued to pay the full mortgage. 6 months later we tried to work it out and for 2 years we were together as a couple but still remained living apart. Few months ago she told me she had been talking to this other guy again so I told her to choose as I wasn't going through all that again. She chose to end it which was fine as we were only really together for the kids (now 3 and 6). My question is what can I do about the house? There is no way I'll be able to remortgage to get her off as I'm still on low income (and to be honest I don't think she would want to come off anyway). She has paid pretty much nothing towards the house whereas I have spent a few thousand doing it up. Is there anything I should be putting in place or doing now we are never getting back together? I'm not rushing for a divorce but I don't want to miss doing something now to help stop her trying to do anything with the house, before or after the eventual divorce. I heard that each year I should invoice her for half the mortgage payments - even if she doesn't pay it, it's just something to add up if and when the house is ever sold and that could be deducted from her side of any profit etc. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks
I'll start at the beginning to give you all an idea. Back in 2014 I bought a house with my wife. We struggled to get a mortgage but just managed it (I was on low income and she didn't work). Anyway 6 months after we moved in, I caught her cheating on me (again). I told her I couldn't be with her while this other guy was in her life and she moved out. Now I paid 99% of the deposit and fees etc and I also paid the mortgage itself (she paid most the house hold bills but her income was low anyway (benefits etc)). She got a place on benefits as we had only just got the mortgage so there was no money in the house. I took over all house hold bills and continued to pay the full mortgage. 6 months later we tried to work it out and for 2 years we were together as a couple but still remained living apart. Few months ago she told me she had been talking to this other guy again so I told her to choose as I wasn't going through all that again. She chose to end it which was fine as we were only really together for the kids (now 3 and 6). My question is what can I do about the house? There is no way I'll be able to remortgage to get her off as I'm still on low income (and to be honest I don't think she would want to come off anyway). She has paid pretty much nothing towards the house whereas I have spent a few thousand doing it up. Is there anything I should be putting in place or doing now we are never getting back together? I'm not rushing for a divorce but I don't want to miss doing something now to help stop her trying to do anything with the house, before or after the eventual divorce. I heard that each year I should invoice her for half the mortgage payments - even if she doesn't pay it, it's just something to add up if and when the house is ever sold and that could be deducted from her side of any profit etc. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks
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Comments
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New to the site but have found some helpful bits but nothing really relevant so thought I'd post. Sorry if it's any place it shouldn't be but it's hard doing this on a phone.
I'll start at the beginning to give you all an idea. Back in 2014 I bought a house with my wife. We struggled to get a mortgage but just managed it (I was on low income and she didn't work). Anyway 6 months after we moved in, I caught her cheating on me (again). I told her I couldn't be with her while this other guy was in her life and she moved out. Now I paid 99% of the deposit and fees etc and I also paid the mortgage itself (she paid most the house hold bills but her income was low anyway (benefits etc)). She got a place on benefits as we had only just got the mortgage so there was no money in the house. I took over all house hold bills and continued to pay the full mortgage. 6 months later we tried to work it out and for 2 years we were together as a couple but still remained living apart. Few months ago she told me she had been talking to this other guy again so I told her to choose as I wasn't going through all that again. She chose to end it which was fine as we were only really together for the kids (now 3 and 6). My question is what can I do about the house? There is no way I'll be able to remortgage to get her off as I'm still on low income (and to be honest I don't think she would want to come off anyway). She has paid pretty much nothing towards the house whereas I have spent a few thousand doing it up. Is there anything I should be putting in place or doing now we are never getting back together? I'm not rushing for a divorce but I don't want to miss doing something now to help stop her trying to do anything with the house, before or after the eventual divorce. I heard that each year I should invoice her for half the mortgage payments - even if she doesn't pay it, it's just something to add up if and when the house is ever sold and that could be deducted from her side of any profit etc. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks
Who will have custody of the children? I could be wrong but I suspect that whoever has the children will be able to remain in the house. Given that you are married, chances are that when it is sold it will be spit down the middle, but that may not be until the children at 16 or 18.We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing.0 -
We have joint custody between us but my son lives with his mum and my daughter with me. They both see each other and stay together 3 nights a week. I stayed in the house with the kids when she left but then we agreed on the above. I just don't want to be putting in thousands for her to take half later down the road just because I didn't do something now. I can't get her off the mortgage but I don't want to lose out either. I have paid for it all (she put in about £250 in fees which she even had the cheek to ask when she would get that back!). She pays nothing towards the house but I'm sure will expect half the profits if I ever sell.0
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I think this is relevant to your situation, even though you say you aren't rushing to divorce - my ex wife never paid a penny towards our mortgage and she wasn't named on it or on the deeds but she ended up being entitled to half the house when we split up. There were no kids involved either.0
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Oh ok. That's good to know... thank oi for that. Something to think about0
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Thank you. I didn't know where I was posting...0
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Was there any equity in the house? I don't plan on moving - in fact I've been doing it up. I have only had the mortgage for 3years so the house isn't worth anything right now0
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Yes, but the equity she would have been entitled to turned out to be roughly equal to her entitlement to my pension so in the end, we agreed she would stay in the house and I would keep my pension.
She still had to find a mortgage though.0 -
Wow she fell lucky with that one... I'm sorry to hear. Everyone wants something for nothing... I bet she felt she was owed it even after paying nothing...0
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Well that's just the simple version - I was happier to keep my pension than have to go through the hassle of selling the house.
I would speak to a solicitor though - they will give you proper advice rather than just me tell you about my circumstances.0 -
I think I will do but your input has helped. Has given me things to consider. Many thanks0
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