How much is 'enough' for a single pensioner?

seven-day-weekend · 9 February 2014 at 8:10PM

I can't imagine what she even finds to spend over £1000 a month on. We lived on less than that for everything for six years from 2004-2010.

She's being very selfish, isn't she, squandering her stepsons' inheritance when it was their father's money in the first place. Would it make any difference if you pointed that out to her, seeing as you say she is 'empathetic'?

PlutoinCapricorn · 10 February 2014 at 9:33AM

This thread is a gift that keeps on giving.

She lives in a different world from the one I live in: charity shops and street markets, three cups of tea from two bags, clothes and hot water bottles instead of heating... and yet frugal people get a lot of good feelings from living within their income and getting bargains.

Why do men enable women like this?

Pollycat · 10 February 2014 at 10:07AM

Parsimonia wrote: »

After a bit of gentle persuasion, she let me go through her bank statements this morning. She has a balance of £400 in one current account and she's overdrawn by £6,700 on her other current account. Her savings account has a balance of £18,600. She owes £2,800 on one credit card and £4,900 on another.

So, really, instead of having £20,000 as she asserted last week, she actually has only £4,600. At her current rate of spending, that won't even last her until Easter!

I think I scared her a bit today by drawing a doomsday scenario for her, so she did finally relent and allow us to take her credit cards and her checkbook home with us. We left her with £150 in cash to last her until next Friday, and she was horrified, as if we'd left her with tuppence.

Hubby is going to take her grocery shopping in Aldi tomorrow, and allow her to spend (no more than £20!) of her £150 on stocking up her fridge and cupboards.

She's only signed up to this 'experiment' for one week, so we'll see how it goes.

I think my name is mud at the moment and I expect I'm being royally slagged off to all her friends for being an interfering witch....but she asked for my help, and this is the only way I can see of helping her in a practical and concrete way.

It's awful, because it feels like we're being terrible people by treating her as though she's a child who can't take care of her own money...and part of me just wants to say "S*d it, just leave her to it, if she bankrupts herself it's her own stupid fault..."

But, really, she is like a child when it comes to budgeting, and I'd feel even more guilty if we just stood by and let her spiral into debt. We need to take responsibility for her, since she can't seem to take responsibility for herself....

Are we doing the right thing? Or should we just stop interfering???

Does she understand that she only has £4,600 in savings?

TBH, she sounds a right nightmare.
She 'relented' and 'allowed' you to take her credit cards?
Really?

And you say she asked for your help.
She doesn't want your help.
She wants you to wave a magic wand and make everything alright.
If you can't do that (and if you can, there's lots of people who would be happy for your help

), then it will be your fault, not hers.

MIL or not, I would not put up with being slagged off to her friends when you're trying to help.
Talking of friends, what do they think of her?
Do they think she's got wads of spare cash?
Do they encourage her to spend, spend, spend?
Can't any of those friends get through to this thoroughly silly woman?

This thread has made me quite cross as here's a woman who should be financially comfortable but instead seems hell bent on destroying herself and, not content with that, she's embroiled her son & DIL in this mess of her own making but clearly has little intention of taking the help and advice they're giving.

And then there's people of the same age who are struggling on a lot less income and don't have caring family willing to help out - and they don't say 'life's not worth living' and they 'may as well kill' themselves.

Ralph McTell's 'Streets of London' comes to mind.
She needs to realise just how lucky she is.

margaretclare · 10 February 2014 at 10:08AM

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

On another tack, I can understand that it costs more to keep up appearance after a certain age...tell me about it....

I just took a good look around at men in my own age group once I got to that certain age though and decided I was no longer interested in "the opposite sex" as such. Maybe it's down to the fact that, looking back, most of my boyfriends back in my younger days were good-looking (whether instead or as well as other qualities:rotfl:) and I therefore look at same age men and think "Well, its not worth making any more effort than normal in that case":rotfl:. So I'll admit to being surprised at a woman in her 70s thinking its worth bothering with boyfriends any longer...

Not sure just when that 'certain age' is, but I fell in love all over again at age 62. Looks didn't really come into it. I've never had much in the looks department, but two - in succession - good men fell in love with me.

I still do like good-quality clothes and to look nice, but I think I have enough now, of the 'classic' type that don't date. I did have cosmetic surgery a year ago - actually it was mainly abut comfort - but that was money I'd saved myself. I don't take money from men. Never have, never will. DH and I share, but I don't 'depend' on him.

Yes, I do still like to look nice. I wouldn't even mind going grey, because I could do something about that. I'm still blonde, what there is left of it.

margaretclare · 10 February 2014 at 1:35PM

As usual, Pollycat has spoken the truth.

She sounds like a 'high maintenance woman', so-called.

I can't help thinking of my eldest GD. I've been proud to help her over recent weeks when she's been unemployed. Now she's back at work, painting and decorating on a 'contract' basis. She won't have a credit card and refuses to go overdrawn. I admire her tremendously.

There are other people I know who are at the 'sharp end'.

pollypenny · 10 February 2014 at 3:25PM

As I said in my first post, this woman needs to grow up and act like an adult!

She's behaving like a spoilt child at present.

Katiehound · 10 February 2014 at 3:58PM

Parsimonia wrote: »

She paid a top notch accountant but ignored his advice and spent money as though it was monopoly money.....her second husband had to bail her out three times....so, it's not as though she has had no experience of financial dealings...
QUOTE]

Sorry, it sounds to me that the only experience she has of financial dealings are of the profligate kind!! She knows how to waste money, spend money like no tomorrow but actually live within her means? no chance! It also sounds like that's what she has been doing all her life and I very much doubt that you, or anyone else is going to change that pattern. Maybe the stepsons should be stepping in here to ask about their future inheritance, which is as unlikely as a blue moon (the inheritance I mean)!

It seems that the proberb "leading a horse to water" is highly relevant. You can show her ways to save money but I don't think she is going to be swayed. It's a lot easier for someone who has experienced life without money in the past to make savings: if you have always been well heeled then you won't have learned.

All I can say is "Good luck" but I think you should worry more about yourselves, keeping your own finances going and your sanity in tact and let what will be, be.

carefullycautious · 10 February 2014 at 4:06PM

God help you when she runs out of money, I have a feeling she will be begging for help when the reality of what she has done takes effect.

If she was my MIL I'm afraid I would be telling her what a disgrace she is. To squander that much money and who will have to pay for her benefits, yes Jo blogs on the street who has worked his socks off all his life and probably can't retire due to the pension age going up.

This makes me so mad :mad:

seven-day-weekend · 10 February 2014 at 4:12PM

carefullycautious wrote: »

God help you when she runs out of money, I have a feeling she will be begging for help when the reality of what she has done takes effect.

If she was my MIL I'm afraid I would be telling her what a disgrace she is. To squander that much money and who will have to pay for her benefits, yes Jo blogs on the street who has worked his socks off all his life and probably can't retire due to the pension age going up.

This makes me so mad :mad:

I would be so cross at someone being so incredibly wasteful and selfish. I would reluctantly try and help her out of duty, but she would have to understand how well-off she is before I would do it gladly.

getmore4less · 10 February 2014 at 4:13PM

but we're not sure if she's able to do that given that her 2nd husband wrote a will leaving her a life interest in the house, but after she dies the estate is theoretically to be split into 4 equal parts

Who are the trustees?

Depending on the terms of the trust they may have been negligent.

How much is 'enough' for a single pensioner?

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