I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

JIL · 1 January 2019 at 11:28PM

I hope it's a multi coloured dream coat, as I think you deserve it.
Wishing you all the very best for the new year.

Eager_Elephant · 2 January 2019 at 8:15AM

Have subscribed - here's to a fab 2019!!!!

Savvy_sewing · 2 January 2019 at 10:37AM

I am just waiting for Ryanair to pay my expenses from the summer. The information says 10 working days. But I don't know how many of the last 12 days were classed as working days.! When I do get it, it will go towards the bills anyway.
Funds are low because I have not been working and cannot pay myself at the moment. But at least DS paid me the money for the HagV yesterday.
I must remember to record it on the spreadsheet when I get home tomorrow.
I am glad we have finally come to the end of this holiday. I have seen more of the bedroom than I have of Portugal.
I will have to remember that next year when we are planning Christmas!
I think an apartment holiday where I can cook would be better for Mum, something with a sitting room and bedroom, and a balcony to get fresh air.
Certainly no hills, or walking around! Maybe she will accept it if we bring her wheelchair out of storage! Because I think she needs it again.

I am definitely ready to go home now.

Savvy_sewing · 2 January 2019 at 11:00AM

Good gracious! Biggest has also paid me £300 towards her debt. So that's gone straight off of the credit card.
I might get the debts paid off in 12 months if she manages to pay the same each month going forward.
Maybe things are looking up after all!

Savvy_Sue · 2 January 2019 at 12:23PM

Might I suggest that rather than expressing surprise to the offspring that they have paid anything, you acknowledge that they have done what was agreed ...

By all means express surprise here - we're all surprised! - but make it an assumption to them that they'll pay their debts.

candygirl · 2 January 2019 at 12:27PM

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Might I suggest that rather than expressing surprise to the offspring that they have paid anything, you acknowledge that they have done what was agreed ...

By all means express surprise here - we're all surprised! - but make it an assumption to them that they'll pay their debts.

Good advice !:D

pollyanna_26 · 2 January 2019 at 1:35PM

Your plan for the year ahead sounds good . I agree with Savvy Sue and would acknowledge the payments from Biggest and your son with the firm expectation that this is what they must do each month until their debt to you is cleared .

No mention of any future plans of yours to build up savings etc once your finances are on an even keel . Keep in mind you've had to cash in a pension pot to pay off part of their debts to you . If your son is receiving any form of means tested benefit he will be getting credits towards a basic pension . Biggest will get similar through work or her husbands work .

As long as they are aware the bank of mum is no more things should be less stressful . It was worth you having to get your point over that you can no longer bail anyone out financially .

You've actually said the things I was thinking about your mum . I had to accept when I was nearing 50 that due to the arthritis x2 and fibro a lot of the things I used to do had to be managed differently . My eldest dd has lived in various parts of the UK with her work . A number of times a year we would spend a week together either in the Scottish Highlands , Yorkshire etc depending on where she lived at the time .

We share a lot of interests have always been quite athletic and loved being outdoors . It began to dawn on me that whether it was the cobbled streets in York , the slopes in Edinburgh Zoo , walking through Bronte Country I was struggling to keep up and as my youngest daughters physical health worsened so was she .

A big part of the problem was the actual travel first to her home and then to different destinations . I ended up telling my dd I couldn't be up with the lark every morning as I used to, have a very early breakfast and be out and about all day . She did come to accept some compromise was needed and things became easier .

Your idea of an apartment next time is good with more flexibility . It's a shame you haven't been able to let your hair down a bit this time but if things go well paying down the debt you may be able to have a trip with dgd later in the year . You'll be able to swim with her and get out and about .

I'm another who thinks your mum doesn't need an outside cleaner . Being able to potter around keeps her feeling a degree of control over her life . I know it's necessary in some circumstances and there are good as well ad bad cleaners but privacy and a sense of coping are very important . It sounds as though your company on Wednesday matters to her and is part of her routine .
pollyx