Help me get some perspective

Dying is not something our western brain can cope with well. So my guess is there could be head in the sand chilled approach or a complete emotional meltdown when the reality dawns on one while making necessary preparations depending on a day you catch them. You sound very emotional and somehow blaming some friend for your friend feeling bad. She does not feel bad because of what whoever said, she feels bad because she is facing death! May be addressing practicalities is what made a shift in her mood.
Death is a big thing for a mind to cope, no need to add anger into it.

It was wildly inappropriate and unprofessional, and I think it is highly unlikely that your friend's doctor or othre medical professionals are lying to her.

Since she is clearly upset and affected by it, I would sugggest to her that she speak to her own doctor, explain explicitly hat was said and ask whether they can clarify what they think and why, to put her mind at rest.

I would also remind her that her 'friend' does not have access to her medical records or details and, particuarlly as she is not practicing, is unlikely to have up to date information about the condition or current treatments.

The nurse in question was not dealing with the friend in a professional capacity hence calling her "unprofessional " is incorrect.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Sorry, this is not quite on the topic but I just feel I have to correct this misconception.

Nurses work in similar environments, but they are not just junior versions of doctors, its an entirely different profession with different skill sets.

A senior nurse with many years of experience in palliative care or oncology would be an expert and would have a much greater understanding of issues relating to that area than a doctor who has spent most of his career in say orthopaedics or dermatology.

I'm not saying that the nurse in this case acted correctly, its impossible to say from a third hand account and it does sound like she was insensitive at best and harmful at worst, but your post displays a common misunderstanding.

Apologies, that was not the intention of my post (which is why I said I wasn't trying to downplay nurses or the job they do).

Generally I would agree with you - indeed there are things nurses can do better than doctors. But in these specific circumstances the most reliable advice is that which comes from her doctor who is actually providing her care and not a nurse who has no professional connection to it (ignoring the fact the doctor will be experienced in that field where this nurse may not be).


However, I suspect that rather than the nurse disagreeing with what the doctor has said, he/she has perhaps been trying to highlight that being given 6 months (for example) to live, doesn't mean those 6 months will have a good quality of life where she will be able to go on cruises/fulfil her bucket list.

If he/she was actually disagreeing with the doctor with either no relevant experience/medical records of the patients condition then imo that is certainly unprofessional of them and I'd be uneasy receiving any health care or advice from such an individual.

Treehugger321 wrote: »

One of them who is a nurse but not practicing, took her to one side and told her that the time frame was just the hospital being kind and that she must know that it would actually be "months" and that she should give thought to getting a hospice place as she didn't want to be a burden on her husband and kids.

It's certainly not unheard of for nurses to have a nasty streak. Thank goodness she's no longer practising. I think it's an awful thing to say to a friend, whether true or not.