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    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 3rd May 18, 8:50 AM
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    crazy_cat_lady
    Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning
    • #1
    • 3rd May 18, 8:50 AM
    Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning 3rd May 18 at 8:50 AM
    Good morning everyone,

    I've had a bit of a break from the forums over the past couple of months, but today seems like a good time to come back on here and to start a new diary. An awful lot has changed in my life over the past couple of weeks and it's going to take some time and effort to adjust, and more than ever I need the support and accountability of being on here to keep me on the straight and narrow as far as my finances are concerned.
    I hope that some of my usual bunch have followed me to this diary, and welcome to anyone new that might be reading. I need all of the help and support that I can get...
    NST June #16 nsd =
Page 30
    • SpekySquarehead
    • By SpekySquarehead 17th Oct 18, 8:07 AM
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    SpekySquarehead
    Morning CCL,

    I tell you're going through the wringer again. Whilst I've no experience personally with divorce, my parents are. I can't fault them in their efforts to ensure I still lived a happy life and wasn't too disrupted with it and I've absolutely no doubt that you will do the exact same. You clearly put them as priority and although they might not show it, I'm sure they notice it and it might not be until they're a bit older before they come to appreciate it.

    You can't continue to spin all these plates if you're not fully functioning yourself. You seem to be getting better sleep than you have before but now, as a few others have pointed out, you need fuel to keep you going through these grilling working days. You might not feel up to it, but it's worth getting some wholesome and healthy food into you to allow you continue being the awesome mum, daughter, worker and friend that you are!
    Debt Free Date: 29/09/16

    Follow my diary HERE
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 17th Oct 18, 11:09 AM
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    crazy_cat_lady
    Hey
    Sneaking on briefly at work to report that I feel marginally better mentally but no better at all physically. Still easier to come into work though, and I've gotten the ok from the Head to go home straight after school tonight. I was rereading my post and thinking how angry and frustrated I appear to be, but it is an accurate reflection of how I'm feeling. I don't know if I come across as a spoilt brat who kicks and screams every time she's not getting her own way. I do confess to having very little patience though, and although it takes me ages to decide on things, when I do make a decision I don't change my mind. I can't see the point in dragging this whole unpleasant experience out any longer than it needs to be. I won't be changing my mind. In fact I'll be lucky if I ever get into a relationship ever again the way I feel about it at the moment.
    NST June #16 nsd =
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 17th Oct 18, 5:54 PM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    Frustration is entirely understandable, it's not a quick process and is draining emotionally, mentally and financially, especially if you're waiting on someone else.
    paydbx2019 #93 £793.95/£10,100 .
    School trips £1269£1269..
    EF £310
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 17th Oct 18, 7:38 PM
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    crazy_cat_lady
    Evening all
    A very quick check in from me tonight as I'm shattered - still unwell and ready for bed. My mood hasn't improved much, but I am staying hydrated and managing to eat at least.
    No word from ex - least surprising thing that has happened today. Trying not to get too upset about it. There is time to push things forward so I need to stop worrying and thinking about the worst case scenario.
    Didn't end up going straight home - too much going on after work. It's an interesting time - bit of uncharted territory, which may be difficult short term but good in the longer term.
    Got home and crashed physically and emotionally. Thankfully dd has been keeping me company this evening and I've learned a whole new world of Jeffree Star and makeup tutorials. I never, ever wear makeup (couldn't be bothered with it) but it's been nice time spent with her.
    I've had my night time Sudafed and just about to get into bed with ds for our weekly dose of The Apprentice. 2 more get ups - hope I can make it.
    NST June #16 nsd =
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 18th Oct 18, 9:17 AM
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    crazy_cat_lady
    Well I haven't made it I had the most appalling night of (non) sleep that I can remember for ages. Just about made it through the Apprentice, then was up just before midnight for the loo. Woke just after 1am to the sound of my phone getting a text, which worried me. It was from ex basically saying he's poorly again at the moment and isn't dealing with any of the legal stuff. It really wound me up. I didn't get that sinking, worried feeling I always used to get - I just got angry. Tried not to let it bother me but I just couldn't switch my brain off - even with the telly on. So by about 5am I decided that I wasn't going to make it to work today as I'm still ill and now extremely exhausted - got up and sent some cover work in. Went in to switch ds alarm off (he was off sick yesterday with the same thing as I have and we were going to 'try' today but I decided not as it's a 30 mile round trip to his school) and I saw an emotional message on his phone from ex. So I popped in to dd's room and saw one on her phone as well - not enough to read, just the main screen. That actually annoyed me even more. Because of the inconsistency, and because I won't deal with it any more I think he's pushing some of the emotional stuff onto the kids. However, he is their dad and I won't stop either of them being in touch with him - although I need to be sure that they are resilient enough to deal with his behaviour, and I think it's best that they don't see him short term. I spoke to both of them this morning to say that I know he's their dad, however, we know he can get into a state like this and that they aren't responsible for him. He is a grown up and needs to look after himself, and I said I was ok if they contacted him, or if they didn't contact him and that I would support them no matter what - but I won't be helping or supporting him. That ship has sailed. Neither of them said anything much...
    I managed about another 90 minutes of sleep and am just sitting here a bit zombie like at the moment. However, I have taken more sudafed and am thinking I might go out for a little walk with ds if he's up to it. The sun is out and a bit of fresh air may do us both some good. Not sure what else today will bring but I will deal with it as and when it happens.
    NST June #16 nsd =
    • DawnW
    • By DawnW 18th Oct 18, 9:27 AM
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    DawnW
    Hope you feel better soon CCL. I think a walk is a good idea. I have the same kind of thing as you seem to have (dizziness, headaches, coughing, tiredness etc, mine came after a cold but I think it is all part of the same bug) and getting outside certainly seems to help. Just wish it would go away!

    • Blondetotty
    • By Blondetotty 18th Oct 18, 12:42 PM
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    Blondetotty
    Iím a bit of a lurker and Iíve been reading your posts for a while and this may seem a bit random but regarding your sleep, do you think itís possible youíve got sleep apnoea? To be honest Iíd never really heard of it until about 3 months ago when my partner mentioned casually one morning that Iíd stopped breathing in my sleep. After laughing myself stupid about why he didnít think to wake me up if he thought I was dying and then deciding to write a new will, I did go to the Doctor, mentioned it, was sent for tests and 2 months later was the proud owner of a CPAP machine.

    When I say for the last year Iíve felt like Iíve been constantly exhausted, and walking around in a hazy fog of tiredness and suddenly now Iím using the machine I feel like a completely new woman, itís not far off the mark. I had no real risk factors for it apart from snoring but they discovered during my test that I was stopping breathing up to 35 times an hour, up to 57 seconds at a time.

    Your body never gets any deep sleep so you donít feel rested and I was living on caffeine, adrenaline and pure grit and suffering from headaches and minor coughs and colds all the time as the lack of restorative sleep really can mess up your immune system. I also put on weight and found it really difficult to shift it. I was stressed and upset and couldn't figure out why I felt so unwell with no real symptoms or diagnosis.

    It might be worth looking into or investigating as until I was talking to the sleep practitioner nurse, I also didnít realise how underdiagnosed it is.
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 18th Oct 18, 6:59 PM
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    crazy_cat_lady
    Thanks for that Blondetotty - something for me to consider. I did have a lot of tests done for thyroid function etc a couple of years ago but nothing came up, and I think that my doctor came to the conclusion that it was anxiety and stress related. Last night's bad night was entirely down to my not being able to switch my brain off after I got that text but I am always tired for sure.
    Today has been a bit of a write off as far as getting anything done goes, although I have appreciated a bit of time just to relax. I deliberately haven't slept during the day in the hope that I'll get a good night tonight - you never know. I've spoken to a couple of my friends about the situation and have decided to leave ex to it. At the moment I'm in the frame of mind to never see him or speak to him again, if I'm being honest. Still I'm looking after me and the kids now and everyone else needs to fit in around that. He doesn't at the moment so I'm going to leave it with my solicitor to sort out.
    I did go out for a walk though, which was quite refreshing, although I was double tired when I got home from that. Other than that, lots of overthinking, lots of reading and trying to calm my anxieties a bit. I'm now going for a shower and going to bed.
    NST June #16 nsd =
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 18th Oct 18, 8:16 PM
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    beanielou
    Hope that you have sweet dreams tonight
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    • erin_transport
    • By erin_transport 18th Oct 18, 9:47 PM
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    erin_transport
    Hi CCL
    I totally agree with your reaction of anger. Bad enough he’s yanked on your emotions for all these years but now he’s leaning on the kids as an emotional crutch. I agree. Not appropriate at all. Would mention it to the solicitor also that texting should be only allowed within certain time periods of the day and should be appropriate to avoid this scenario repeating going forward. Goodness only knows what emotional carp and pressure and anxiety he could be putting on the kids. Well spotted and well explained. You’re doing an awesome job.
    On a mission!

    2018 & 2019 MFW #138
    • GlendaSugarbean
    • By GlendaSugarbean 19th Oct 18, 6:06 AM
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    GlendaSugarbean
    CCL you are doing a great job of disengaging. You can't fix him - it's impossible to fix another person who
    won't put the work in, and now it's no longer your job to even try. Let the solicitor do their job with the legal side, if he doesn't respond you have a backup plan (and as you said, that leaves you slightly better off in the short term). It seems that he's burying his head in the sand in the hope that all the difficult decisions will go away - well, they won't.

    Right now, your home is secured, you are able to care for the kids, you have a job you enjoy (despite the stress) and it's half term. Rest and block his number if you need to. If he's not able to deal with stuff, you're entitled to say you're not able to deal with him right now.
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 19th Oct 18, 6:18 AM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    It is so hard when such text messages are sent to the children ( in that situation myself). If you are able to enforce a short term no access, hopefully it will nip that in the bud. One thing I have found is that my ex will feed the children misleading information e.g. He told the children he didn't have much money and was living on scraps yet when I put the recycling out I discovered the cardboard wrappers of ready meals for one. Hope your ex is different but just something to be aware of.

    Hope you are feeling better today.
    paydbx2019 #93 £793.95/£10,100 .
    School trips £1269£1269..
    EF £310
    • foxgloves
    • By foxgloves 19th Oct 18, 4:37 PM
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    foxgloves
    Oh dear, CCL - I had shocking insomnia for much of my working life & I do sympathise. It's just so draining after a while, isn't it?
    A very difficult situation re your ex, but the key phrase in your post is this :
    "That ship has sailed".
    It has. You gave it your best. I have considerable sympathy for people who are struggling with their mental health, but realistically, I don't think it's possible to abdicate all familial responsibility & expect the relationship to continue. While the depression must be very difficult, I think it can become a sort of comfort zone too, because of the lack of expectation re meaningful engagement with anything. Your divorce procedings have started & they won't fizzle out because one party isn't engaging. Your solicitor will have to deal with this. It can't be an unknown situation. I suspect your ex has had many years where you handled everything, especially if he was going through a spell of mental ill health. This will have re-inforced dependent behaviours, but as adults, we do all ultimately have to take responsibility for ourselves & what is happening in our lives. I think it's good that your ex wants to maintain contact with his children, but don't think highly emotional, maudlin or guilt-inducing texts are appropriate, so probably worth keeping a bit of an eye on.
    F x
    Money can't jump out of your purse on its own so ask 'Can I borrow one, make one, grow one, bake one, re-purpose or recycle, acquire it for free?' Yes? Then put that purse away & keep your money because little savings
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    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 20th Oct 18, 9:18 AM
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    crazy_cat_lady
    Morning all
    Well, I had a good night of sleep on Thursday (powered by Night Nurse) and made myself go into work yesterday. I felt loads better, but my teaching was poor after a day off and no prep etc. But I survived and made it to half term and I'm pleased I managed to just pull myself round and get on with my life.
    I am still absolutely furious with ex. There hasn't been any more word from him to me or the kids. I've asked both of them to please let me know if he gets in touch one way or the other. After much rage, indignation and talking it through with people I have agreed that the best course of action is to give him exactly what he wants and leave him alone. Everything can go through the solicitor now - I need to hang onto what I can control and leave him to his thing. You're right Foxgloves, mental health issues are horrible and hard to deal with (and we both know that from our own experience), but everything that's wrong is blamed on his being ill rather than the poor behaviour that it actually is. So no progress and no further contact. My life goes on as normal. Still skint but happy.
    Woke up with a fuzzy head again this morning - not sure why but I am going drug free for the whole day today and trying to find myself again now I'm getting better. My mam has been round for a quick visit this morning, which was unexpected and lovely and I'm going out to see bestie in a bit for our usual Saturday coffee and catch up. I had been hoping for a nsd but things are looking a little dire in terms of fresh food in the house. We're just about out of milk and ds is devastated we have no yoghurts in so I will probably have to go shopping at some point.
    The good news is that I can have a couple of extra days to think about planning and prep for school so I might just have the whole weekend of relaxing. I have also found the 1970s version of A Star is Born on Nextflix so I'm going to watch that in preparation for if me and my mam go to see the new one next week.
    NST June #16 nsd =
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 20th Oct 18, 5:40 PM
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    crazy_cat_lady
    So went and had a lovely afternoon with bestie. She made us all cheese toasties for lunch and we watched the 70s Star is Born. At least I am now prepared with the story if we go next week though. I cannot imagine how awkward it would have been to watch that film with ex if I had agreed to go with him.
    Also gave in and went and did some fresh food shopping for the week ahead. It is going to be a very tight week indeed. Payday is still too far away for my liking.
    I'm quite tired, and suffering a little bit with the back end of this cold but determined not to give into any drugs of any sort - the Sudafed and Night Nurse were just a bit too nice and comforting Just settling down now with the Saturday telly and some crochet. It has been a nice day overall, spent in good company so I'm pleased about that. Looking forward to a good week ahead.
    NST June #16 nsd =
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 20th Oct 18, 7:15 PM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    That first weekend of any holiday is blissful to get a weekend without planning or marking! Enjoy!
    paydbx2019 #93 £793.95/£10,100 .
    School trips £1269£1269..
    EF £310
    • f0xh0les
    • By f0xh0les 21st Oct 18, 1:13 PM
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    f0xh0les
    Congratulations!! You made it to October half term.

    Enjoy.
    MFW START1/5/16 £118,340 Oct17£109,49 12/17 £108,801/18 £108,39 3/18 £108,50 4/18£108,10 5/18£106,99 6/18£105,99.7/18£105,308/18£103,99 9/18£102,99 10/18£101,999 11/18£101,300 12/18£100,700,1/19 £99,999.99 2/19 99,500 1/3 £98,999.991/4 £98,500 1/5 £97,999.99 1/6 £97,500

    MFW 2019 #65
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    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 21st Oct 18, 3:12 PM
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    crazy_cat_lady
    Well. My run of expensive and bad luck has continued. Got up this morning to find the freezer door open and lots of ice everywhere. Decided now had to be the time to replace the seal so defrosted it and replaced the seal - all before 9am. And it didn't sodding work. I ended up having to get my stepdad over to try and help, but after much deliberation he decided it couldn't be saved. The door and frame were starting to rust and we couldn't get a decent seal between them. So I've had to order a new fridge freezer It's more debt. However, I've managed to get a buy now pay in 12 months deal so hopefully I can put enough away over the year to sort that out without paying any interest. Fingers crossed. It's coming Tuesday. I've spent much of the day rescuing what I could and playing freezer tetris with my other freezer to try and avoid food loss - still have thrown almost 2 binbags full away which I just couldn't fit anywhere. Never mind.
    The next thing to go will be the cooker - I just hope that it holds on for a year or two.
    Ex has been in touch with the kids today. DD chose not to answer when he called, but ds did and when I asked what they'd spoken about he said 'Dad says he might pop round on his way to work one day next week to say hello'. So I've had to message him (again) in spite of not wanting to, to tell him (again) that he's not coming to the house to see the kids. I also pointed out that as he had asked me to leave him alone, then I also deserved the same courtesy in return. There was lots of other stuff I wanted to say but I won't - I'll leave it to the solicitor to deal with. It has put me right back on edge again though of not feeling secure in my own home. It's not a nice feeling and I wish I could switch it all off but I am a naturally anxious person so any little thing like this sets me on edge.
    I think I will need to mention to ds that we need to arrange to meet his dad out for coffee or something like that. Somewhere neutral.
    So it's been a busy start to the day and I feel like I'm a bit all over the place now - it's after 4pm and I still haven't stopped at all. On the plus side there is no school tomorrow and I can stay home Tuesday to wait for delivery of my new fridge freezer without a worry. Small victories.
    NST June #16 nsd =
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 21st Oct 18, 4:51 PM
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    beanielou
    Boo to freezer & to the ex.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 21st Oct 18, 5:11 PM
    • 4,582 Posts
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    Eager_Elephant
    Same life happening again - my chest freezer tripped the switch in my outside shed the other day and I did not realise for days...Ö

    Luckily the meat from my pigs was in another freezer but OMG the smell of defrosted offal mixed with onion mixed with warm water is just gross!!!


    Nice to see you have met up with your mum and bestie, its always good to see people you care about.

    And as for your ex - - its a control thing and no doubt when you complain he will say DS suggested it - duh, yeah, because you put the idea in his head.
    The good news from the conversation is that he is going to work so if he is well enough for that he might be well enough to complete the divorce forms.
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