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  • FIRST POST
    • MSE Sarah
    • By MSE Sarah 22nd Oct 19, 5:44 PM
    • 213Posts
    • 92Thanks
    MSE Sarah
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should my ex-girlfriend come on the holiday we planned together?
    • #1
    • 22nd Oct 19, 5:44 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should my ex-girlfriend come on the holiday we planned together? 22nd Oct 19 at 5:44 PM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    I paid for a Disney holiday for me, my kids, my girlfriend and her kids - we booked back in January and planned to go away just before Christmas. Now she's split up with me - do I have to let her come on the holiday or should she pay me back? We were together (happily) over two years, and were all looking forward to it.

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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Page 1
    • bertiewhite
    • By bertiewhite 22nd Oct 19, 5:52 PM
    • 1,710 Posts
    • 1,982 Thanks
    bertiewhite
    • #2
    • 22nd Oct 19, 5:52 PM
    • #2
    • 22nd Oct 19, 5:52 PM
    Yes she should go. The holiday booking act 1983 specifically says under para 15.1.3.2.5(b) that "once booked, the named people are mandated to go on the holiday, whether the individuals are in a relationship or not". The only exception I can think of is if you booked it on a Thursday where para 15.1.3.2.5(r) may be applicable.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 22nd Oct 19, 6:10 PM
    • 23,849 Posts
    • 64,212 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #3
    • 22nd Oct 19, 6:10 PM
    • #3
    • 22nd Oct 19, 6:10 PM
    Yes she should go. The holiday booking act 1983 specifically says under para 15.1.3.2.5(b) that "once booked, the named people are mandated to go on the holiday, whether the individuals are in a relationship or not". The only exception I can think of is if you booked it on a Thursday where para 15.1.3.2.5(r) may be applicable.
    Originally posted by bertiewhite

    Message too short so more
    • Kim kim
    • By Kim kim 22nd Oct 19, 6:26 PM
    • 2,932 Posts
    • 4,096 Thanks
    Kim kim
    • #4
    • 22nd Oct 19, 6:26 PM
    • #4
    • 22nd Oct 19, 6:26 PM
    If you paid for her and her kids tickets then your call.

    If she paid refund her or allow her to go.
    Last edited by Kim kim; 22-10-2019 at 10:35 PM.
    • Marvel1
    • By Marvel1 22nd Oct 19, 6:36 PM
    • 4,501 Posts
    • 5,066 Thanks
    Marvel1
    • #5
    • 22nd Oct 19, 6:36 PM
    • #5
    • 22nd Oct 19, 6:36 PM
    If you paid, then she needs to pay you first her herself if she wants to go, otherwise I would be selling her half.
    • MovingForwards
    • By MovingForwards 22nd Oct 19, 7:34 PM
    • 2,515 Posts
    • 2,979 Thanks
    MovingForwards
    • #6
    • 22nd Oct 19, 7:34 PM
    • #6
    • 22nd Oct 19, 7:34 PM
    And to add to the above:

    Depends if it's a villa or a couple of hotel rooms.

    Do you really want to spend time with someone you have feelings for but can't have now or will you be trying to get her back? (Villa situation)

    Or can you and your kids go off and do your own thing and she does likewise, only dealing with eachother at airport, flying out / in, checking in / out and have two rooms so can split it to one each (hotel).

    Also, are the kids even aware the holiday is booked or the destination?

    Ah, the joys of these anonymous queries.....
    • onwards&upwards
    • By onwards&upwards 22nd Oct 19, 7:55 PM
    • 1,317 Posts
    • 2,618 Thanks
    onwards&upwards
    • #7
    • 22nd Oct 19, 7:55 PM
    • #7
    • 22nd Oct 19, 7:55 PM
    Bit harsh to take a Disney holiday away from kids who are looking forward to it.

    Be grown ups for them I say, try to find a way to make it work, you don’t actually have to spend time together, maybe she can pay a bit extra to change hotel rooms if needed?
    • consumers_revenge
    • By consumers_revenge 22nd Oct 19, 9:43 PM
    • 3,267 Posts
    • 1,745 Thanks
    consumers_revenge
    • #8
    • 22nd Oct 19, 9:43 PM
    • #8
    • 22nd Oct 19, 9:43 PM
    this all sounds a bit mickey mouse to me...
    • herringgull
    • By herringgull 22nd Oct 19, 9:45 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    herringgull
    • #9
    • 22nd Oct 19, 9:45 PM
    • #9
    • 22nd Oct 19, 9:45 PM
    Yes, not for you or her but for the kids who will be looking forward to it. Step back emotionally and be civillized with her and give her kids a good time, they will be really looking forward to it.
    • Socajam
    • By Socajam 22nd Oct 19, 9:50 PM
    • 575 Posts
    • 806 Thanks
    Socajam
    Bit harsh to take a Disney holiday away from kids who are looking forward to it.

    Be grown ups for them I say, try to find a way to make it work, you donít actually have to spend time together, maybe she can pay a bit extra to change hotel rooms if needed?
    Originally posted by onwards&upwards
    When did someone else's children have rights to the OP's money.
    If the girlfriend is prepared to reimburse you, then yes, give her the tickets, otherwise she can buzz off.
    • alistair64
    • By alistair64 22nd Oct 19, 9:53 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    alistair64
    It should all be very simple, disregarding all the legal stuff but concentrating on two human beings respecting one another.
    If you would like her to go and she wants to, then fair enough - do it for the children's sake.
    However, if she doesn't want to and nor do you, assuming she has any sort of a conscience (unlikely in today's society), then she should refund you her share (again, assuming you paid).
    • REJP
    • By REJP 22nd Oct 19, 10:02 PM
    • 124 Posts
    • 150 Thanks
    REJP
    Disney holiday.
    Put the children first please. They will have been looking forward to the trip. I don't know the circumstances of your break up with your girl friend, in fact I don't want to know, but surely you can both act reasonably to give the children a great time.
    Also, your ex may not be able to refund her costs.
    • lilmisstrouble
    • By lilmisstrouble 22nd Oct 19, 10:06 PM
    • 22 Posts
    • 32 Thanks
    lilmisstrouble
    Be the better person and let her and kids go too. Agree some ground rules
    • POPPYOSCAR
    • By POPPYOSCAR 22nd Oct 19, 10:11 PM
    • 12,975 Posts
    • 28,973 Thanks
    POPPYOSCAR
    this all sounds a bit mickey mouse to me...
    Originally posted by consumers_revenge
    As do most of these 'Moral Dilemmas'
    • peg20
    • By peg20 22nd Oct 19, 10:13 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    peg20
    If the relationship broke up due to a reason that can never be resolved, then you might just be prolonging the pain and giving the kids false expectations. No matter how nice that might be in the short-term, it will be outweighed by the increased pain longer-term. But if there's no animosity and it's clear that this isn't a restart of something more, then that might be OK.

    On the other hand, if both of you are willing to accept that there's a small chance that you might get back together, then why wouldn't you explore that?

    Either way, the emotions of all those involved (not just you two, but the kids too) should be considered before any financial considerations. And bear in mind that the pain caused arguing about the finances might easily outweigh the cost of the holiday...
    • pff
    • By pff 22nd Oct 19, 10:16 PM
    • 6 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    pff
    You should totally put the children first, which doesn't mean go on some weird, super awkward, fake family outing. It means don't go on a trip with your ex. Even if your kids are young they can pick up on the weirdness. Maybe they'll think it means you and girlfriend are getting back together which could be confusing and hurtful for them.

    I would see if I could get her half of the trip refunded, or if I could sell her tickets. If I had a buddy with kids I'd maybe even offer them a good deal on the tickets. Your kids don't have to miss out, you can still go with them and have an awesome time.
    • megw
    • By megw 22nd Oct 19, 11:03 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    megw
    The wellbeing of your children should always be put first, so you should do/sacrifice whatever you believe is best for their wellbeing.
    • darryluk
    • By darryluk 23rd Oct 19, 7:16 AM
    • 4 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    darryluk
    Why?
    Why do we have this inane section to the website? Is anyone actually learning anything from these dubiously 'honest' posts?
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 23rd Oct 19, 8:09 AM
    • 23,849 Posts
    • 64,212 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Why do we have this inane section to the website? Is anyone actually learning anything from these dubiously 'honest' posts?
    Originally posted by darryluk
    Click bait.
    • RobDewar
    • By RobDewar 23rd Oct 19, 9:13 AM
    • 10 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    RobDewar
    Does the ex girlfriend get a say in this?
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