Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

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  • daisy_1571
    daisy_1571 Posts: 1,206 Forumite
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    Buggins wrote: »
    Thank you Daisy - just listened to programme and found it very good.

    Youre very welcome buggins :)

    Daisy xx
    2022: 3🏅 4⭐ 2023: 5🎖🏅🏅 🎖🏅6 ⭐⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion. Take hold of every moment - anon I'm a clutterbug butterfly 🦋 The difference between what you were yesterday and what you will be tomorrow is what you do today Well organised clutter is still clutter - Joshua Becker If you aren't already using something in your home, you won't start using it more by shoving it in a cupboard- AJMoney
  • wort
    wort Posts: 1,674 Forumite
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    Thanks Daisy I'll have a look.
    Hope everyone is well much love xxx
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
  • Sammie36
    Sammie36 Posts: 30 Forumite
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    Hi everyone.

    Buckslady, thank you for asking after us. It's been a struggle I have to say. I have an assessment with cruise bereavement on Wednesday.

    The children seem ok. Tearful every now and again but generally ok. I can't pick myself up all.

    It's been 18 weeks in a few hours and it still feels like yesterday. I just miss john so much.

    Is it normal to start questioning our relationship and what we had? I seem to have been doing that a lot this week and that's been upsetting in itself.

    Am I going to get through this because at the minute I really can't see it. Just stuck in a pit of darkness.

    Hope everyone is ok. Did many of you get much snow?

    Sam xxxx
  • MrAPJI
    MrAPJI Posts: 112 Forumite
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    Hello Sammie,
    So pleased to hear you will be meeting someone from Cruise next week - sure they will be a great support to you. That feeling of being stuck in a dark tunnel or dark pit is so difficult to deal with. All I can say is that with time it will pass, but it's a very slow and gradual process.

    Not sure that I ever really questioned the relationship which I had with my wife, but I was left with a profound sense of guilt for a couple of reasons. Firstly, that I had survived - really felt that wasn't fair. Secondly, that I hadn't retired earlier. Although I retired at 55, I could have hung up my boots earlier and consequently felt very guilty that I hadn't. However, there's no 'turning back the clock'.....
    No, not too much snow in my neck of the woods - of which I'm very grateful :)
  • BucksLady
    BucksLady Posts: 567 Forumite
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    Hi Sammie, you're bound to be 'up and down' at the moment as it's such early days for you. With time though, you will start to feel a little stronger. Hope your meeting goes well and please let us know how you get on :) xx
  • Buggins
    Buggins Posts: 344 Forumite
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    Good morning all,
    It's very quiet on this thread so hope everyone is ok.
  • wort
    wort Posts: 1,674 Forumite
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    Hi Sammie, how did your meeting go?
    I can't say I looked at our relationship, but obviously death brings up lots of questions and scenario s. I very often feel guilty about things and wish I'd done things differently, but this is how most people feel. It's 18 months now since my hubby died and that time has flown, and I still find it hard to get my head round it.
    Many hugs to all that need them X
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
  • Sammie36
    Sammie36 Posts: 30 Forumite
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    Hi everyone.

    Hi wort- the meeting was ok. The lady I was seeing upset me to begin with but apart from that it was ok.

    I have been in a very bad place these last few weeks. Don't seem to be able to dig myself out of this black hole.

    How is everyone else?

    Sammie xx
  • wort
    wort Posts: 1,674 Forumite
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    Hi Sammie, my meeting with the counsellor made me cry loads each time, but it got it out as I bottled it up In front of family. Which was silly but it was unconsciously done, I knew they would be fine with me crying, but it hard to fall apart when you don't want to upset them!
    Are you going again? If you have no one to talk to and are feeling low you can ring the samaritans. They're there for you anytime, you don't need to be at rock bottom.
    I'm hoping that you feel the love we are sending you xx
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
  • Buggins
    Buggins Posts: 344 Forumite
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    Hope everyone is ok?
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