Is it just women who get caught up with the whole "fairy tale wedding"?

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  • charlie792
    charlie792 Posts: 1,744
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    edited 4 July 2019 at 6:04AM
    personally I think you have to do what works for you.
    I can't say as a kid I've ever dreamed or planned a wedding. To be honest until last year me and OH were in firm agreement not to bother with getting married, a piece of paper doesn't change anything and we've been together years and years anyway BUT I had a change of heart because I felt it did matter because legally and financially I wanted the security if something bad happened which may sound odd but the fact we've been together for almost half our lives I hated the thought that we aren't legally recognised as a couple in the eyes of the law. Plus there's the people who still insist on referring to OH as my 'boyfriend' rather than my partner etc [admittedly my issue but it sounds so childish:o]

    I was more than happy with a cheap and cheerful wedding, either eloping or just having a tiny ceremony with litterally just parents and siblings but he didn't want that. He was of the opinion that we have the money and arent getting ourselves into debt for it, why not spend it on something we are going to do once in our lives.

    So we've planned a small wedding (less than 30 guests) but we're hiring a private house for a whole weekend and doing things a bit different.
    We could have got a package for 80+ guests for less than £3k all in elsewhere (nothing against that but it's just not us). Were paying a lot more for a lot less people but it's how we want it to be, but our value is the time spent with some close family (ie our expense is accomodation for them more than anything) rather than some meaningless tat as table decorations or something ludicrous, we went to a few wedding fayres but they definitely aren't us. I think places like that tell you 'how it's meant to be' and people get sucked into that. I think more people need to take a step back and think about what they want, not how someone tells you it should be.
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  • chelseablue
    chelseablue Posts: 3,289
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    Im a woman and got married last year. My husband was the one who wanted the big do and I just wanted a registry office and a nice pub meal

    Had the big do, spent £14,000 (all saved for, didn't get into debt for it)

    Biggest waste of money ever!
  • 5tx
    5tx Posts: 2
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    We got married recently - town hall ceremony and local club buffet and BYOB party after. We'd have done this anyway but were surprised by several friends saying to us they felt theirs had been OTT...interestingly this was often down to parents, often because they were offering to pay. In a couple of cases the brides and grooms said they felt the money offered was excessive but had been saved by their parents specifically for that day. One bride's parents did this because that's what had been done for them. A groom's parents did it because it had NOT been done for them and they wished it had been. Another couple, whose wedding was so beautiful and also a LOT of fun, said there had been people at their wedding they didn't even know as the bride's parents (who had paid for half the wedding) invited some of their friends who the bride and groom had never met.
    For all of them once the budget had been set - not totally by the couple themselves - they spent what was available even if that was far more than they would have spent if it had been their own money.
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755
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    Soot2006 wrote: »
    I don't get it at all. I don't particularly want to get married (I am a woman!), but when OH and I talk about it, we consider cheap and cheerful - Gretna Greene with closest friends or local town hall followed by a venue with nice food. We've been together almost 20 years and our plans haven't taken form so we probably won't worry about it in this lifetime. When his sister got married, she rented a function room and all friends pitched in to make food and host, etc ... It was wonderful and fun and not very stressful. The pictures are beautiful - everyone is dressed lovely and looks so happy. I should add we're both from fairly wealthy families, but both families don't seem to attach much credence to the "fairy tale" wedding ideal. So that's at least 2 women right here who don't dream of "that" day ... I love happy endings and princess stories but I also like reality and being confident in my own thoughts.

    I also never wanted the floaty dress and hundreds of guests. I married the man I loved, four months after I met him, in a small room at the registry office with twelve guests. We both wore clothes we already had.

    We are still married almost 49 years later.

    I would have considered spending even £5k (or the equivalent in 1971, when I got married) to be a complete waste of money.
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  • Teacher2
    Teacher2 Posts: 546
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    I am a woman and, due to a horrible, messy parental divorce never wanted to marry. My partner convinced me it would be a good idea and his parents thought we should marry quickly.

    Thus we planned and executed a very small wedding in a register office in six weeks. We catered it ourselves and I had an off the peg high street white dress. We had a proper wedding cake which wasn’t lovely but the whole thing cost us £250 and, even in 1979, that was not much.

    Jump forward to this year and our dear daughter, who was brought up to have feminist independence and work for her own living, has opted for the fairytale wedding at a large countryside venue. She had a designer dress and all the bells and whistles. It was a lovely day but it wasn’t cheap.

    I still do not understand the ‘princess for a day’ thing. I would rather save my cash and be a princess for life in a nice house.
  • I think in my generation it originated in fairytales. I still have childhood memories of visiting the pantomime where cinderella/sleeping beauty/whoever would finally sweep down the staircase in a magnificent meringue dress. Fast forward to adulthood and i obviously hadn’t bought it as i chose to live with my partner although it wasn’t very common then and my parents disapproved on religious grounds. Once my biological clock started ticking loudly then i felt like i wanted more security and the same name as my children. Then came the traditional wedding but part of me has always felt like i caved in and i deliberately made a point of not reading those fairytales to my daughter.
  • FTBlalala
    FTBlalala Posts: 71
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    I think it is very personal how/when you get married and definitely case by case.

    Me for example, I've been with my partner for almost 9 years now and we often talk about getting married. I absolutely hate being the centre of attention so cannot think of anything worse than be a magical princess bride! My friends are outraged why I wouldn't want a big shindig but I would rather put 10k towards my house than on one day.

    We will most likely go for small, family only registry office and then some good grub. Maybe a small party at our house for friends to celebrate with us.
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  • Registry office, then a buffet back at my mums place.
    I wanted the man more than a posh big wedding.
    I've seen lots of posh big weddings end in divorce because frankly it was all downhill from there, in the brides eye nothing matched it so they set themselves up for disappointment.
    Want the man, marry the man (37 years this year), the day will sort itself out!
    ,
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  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    I have to say that the majority of the replies so far have disproved the OP's belief that 'so many women dream of this day for (sic) when they are little.'

    Of course it could be that the women who did "get caught up with the whole "fairy tale wedding" don't want to comment...;)
  • Registry office, then a buffet back at my mums place.
    I wanted the man more than a posh big wedding.
    I've seen lots of posh big weddings end in divorce because frankly it was all downhill from there, in the brides eye nothing matched it so they set themselves up for disappointment.
    Want the man, marry the man (37 years this year), the day will sort itself out!

    It is possible to have both a really nice, big, posh (if you want to use that term) wedding and a long, happy marriage;)

    I think that those who feel that the two are mutually exclusive are perhaps feeling that having a small, cheap wedding day is morally superior as it they feel displays that they care more about the marriage than the day, but that is not always the case!!
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