Colleague issue

24567…58

Comments

  • Caroline_a
    Caroline_a Posts: 4,071 Forumite
    That's appalling. If I were you I would send an email that says words to the effect of 'I found your behaviour on *date* in front of me entirely insulting and unacceptable, and I am letting you know that any subsequent such behaviour, including suggestive comments and emails, will be reported immediately to HR in the form of a complaint of sexual harassment.'

    If he replies with anything flippant I would go straight to HR. There is enough information out there these days about what you can do and what you can't. If he loses his job it's his own fault, and as Emmzi says, what if it was a young girl he did it to?
  • 1984ReturnsForReal_2
    1984ReturnsForReal_2 Posts: 15,431 Forumite
    PasturesNew wrote: »
    You cannot, CANNOT, get your kn0b out in the office and have it waving about


    Not even if its just you there?


    It sounds all a bit PC to me...
    Not Again
  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698 Forumite
    Name Dropper Photogenic First Anniversary First Post
    1984ReturnsForReal wrote: »
    Not even if its just you there?


    It sounds all a bit PC to me...
    Well, you can if you're alone, but if I walked in it's going through the shredder!
  • 1984ReturnsForReal_2
    1984ReturnsForReal_2 Posts: 15,431 Forumite
    PasturesNew wrote: »
    Well, you can if you're alone, but if I walked in it's going through the shredder!


    Understandable I suppose. :o
    Not Again
  • gwen80
    gwen80 Posts: 2,252 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited 16 December 2010 at 12:05AM
    Oh gosh. Just to help me figure this out in my head, what do any blokes think of this?

    I guess because most of my colleagues are graduates, I didn't really consider the 16 year old girl situation, but we do sometimes have work experience placements. And I hadn't thought of if it was a woman who'd been raped or sexually assaulted. One of my friends has been sexually assaulted twice and if it was her, I think she'd have been quite traumatised about it and now I'm feeling even more confused about things.

    Do you think though, that because he's friends with me, he feels more comfortable and is therefore pushing the boundaries? The other complicating factor is that there is a tiny bit of history between us. I used to like him (as more than a friend) and got the impression he liked me ('well, clearly' you're thinking, but not in a pervy way). He seemed nice, normal, intelligent, funny etc, etc and I got the impression that there was a bit of chemistry there. This was all years ago and soon after he'd joined my department. One day we met up out of work, had a few drinks, ended up snogging, but after that he said he didn't want to take things any further. Do you think any of this history is part of why he is being like this?

    Thanks

    Gwenx
    Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending
  • 1984ReturnsForReal_2
    1984ReturnsForReal_2 Posts: 15,431 Forumite
    gwen80 wrote: »
    what do any blokes think of this?



    He is out of order

    He will know he is out of order

    He probably believes he has a definite chance with you

    He has psychological problems

    Its either tell him once (& once only) or just tell.
    Not Again
  • jamespir
    jamespir Posts: 21,456 Forumite
    you have to tell somone this kind of behaviour is unacceptable he shouldnt get away with it
    Replies to posts are always welcome, If I have made a mistake in the post, I am human, tell me nicely and it will be corrected. If your reply cannot be nice, has an underlying issue, or you believe that you are God, please post in another forum. Thank you
  • kev.s
    kev.s Posts: 513 Forumite
    gwen80 wrote: »
    Oh gosh. Just to help me figure this out in my head, what do any blokes think of this?


    Thanks

    Gwenx

    i like a bit of banter with the women in the office as much as any guy, but there is a line! this is not friendly banter, it's gross misconduct & sexual harrassement at best, this will get worse, get him stopped! it's sickening to be honest, consider how you would feel if it were your 16YO daughter doing work experience or office junior duties recieving this filthy treament, if it were me i'd have him strung up by his clusters!:mad:
  • booter
    booter Posts: 1,669 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    I have to say, I agree with 1984ReturnsForReal - tell him once and only once in no uncertain terms "you ever do that again, and I'll wipe the floor with you" or something along those lines.
    I think your history with him has made him too familiar but I also think that this may be seen as a bit of a power trip - he obviously doesn't think you'll tell, so he can do what he wants! He needs to know he can't.
    You don't know what he's telling other colleagues - he may be bragging to them of his "conquests".
    If you don't want to report him, have you got another colleague/friend you could confide in? It may help to have a 2nd opinion at work (as well as giving you some back up if necessary!)

    If all else fails - staplers really hurt if used incorrectly (correctly?!)
  • FATBALLZ
    FATBALLZ Posts: 5,146 Forumite
    gwen80 wrote: »
    Oh gosh. Just to help me figure this out in my head, what do any blokes think of this?

    If you get your !!!! out in the middle of the office you want locking up. At the minimum I would stop being 'friends' with this guy, he clearly has sexual behaviour issues and it could escalate. You may be doing another woman a favour if you report it too.
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