Considering separation from Disabled partner

Ames · 7 October 2017 at 6:57PM

Asking for advice on how to end a relationship is one thing. Posting intimate details of someone's care needs - including toileting details - is quite another. You seem to be stripping her of what little dignity she has left.

Expecting four and five year old children to become carers is also beyond the pale.

I really hope she never finds out about this thread.

I do, however, hope you leave her soon, for her sake.

lincroft1710 · 7 October 2017 at 7:31PM

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I can only hope this isn't real.

The OP is a Board Guide!

kingfisherblue · 7 October 2017 at 7:49PM

Few people expect to become carers to their partners, but is it fair to expect young children to become carers for their mother? You may be unhappy, but that's nothing compared to the life that you are expecting your children to have.

You sound selfish. You talk about providing for your kids, but all you are doing is providing them with a life in which they are expected to be carers for their mother - and one isn't even old enough for school yet! How can they have any childhood? They will grow up far too soon. You, however, need to do some growing up yourself, and take responsibility for your children's lives. Expecting them to become young carers at such an early age is a totally selfish thing to do, and beyond understanding. You say that carers will come in and will take the children to/from school, but carers don't usually do that. It's time to step up and be a dad. If that means changing your career to give them the childhood that they deserve, then you should do that.

It's hard enough for a child when their sibling is disabled, but so much more difficult for children whose parents have to rely on them for care.

Don't send the letter. Grow a pair. If you can't be responsible for the sake of your wife, be responsible for the sake of your children.

Primrose · 7 October 2017 at 8:05PM

I wonder how you would feel if the situation were reversed, you were the one with the MS and your wife was planning to clear off leacing you to care for two children aged only 4 and 5 years old. No of course you don,t want to be in this situation. Neither does she, but it,s what you signed up for.

Get some joint counselling and talk together about how you as a family can move forward together in this very difficult situation.
Receiving a letter like this could make your wife suicidal and then you would be left to care for your two children and won’t be able to escape from being a full time househusband. Are you prepared for virtually everybody you know to look on you as a first class S**T because this is of course what will happen.

Incidentally I know a family in virtually the same situation as you with a wife with MS, a young child and a carer. They are pulling together and supporting each other and an example to everybody of family loyalty and duty. I,m sure they have had their bad times too but they would put you to shame. Man up and do the right thing. You have probably convinced yourself you,re doing all you can for your family but in reality you seem to be just clearing the decks so that that you can have your life back and clear your guilty conscience.

PasturesNew · 7 October 2017 at 8:12PM

I think the OP's trying "to do the right thing". He's decided to leave and is at least working out the practicalities, rather than packing a bag and pinning a note saying "I've gone" on the fridge door....

If the spark's gone, it's gone. If you're not the sort to "soldier on" and "settle for what you've got" and not the "soul mates/dress alike / do everything together" sort then nobody wins by trying to hold on.

Indeed, her low current mood might be because she's already spotted that "he's going to bugg4h off and leave me soon isn't he".

System · 7 October 2017 at 8:38PM

and to help secure their future I intend to do what I can to keep my flying career

Well thats ok then. :mad:

Torry_Quine · 7 October 2017 at 8:42PM

If the OP really feels he cannot live with his wife anymore he should at least change his job and care for the children. He is being so selfish and putting himself before them when they should be the priority and I do have experience in this area.

jamiehelsinki · 7 October 2017 at 8:49PM

I can understand why you want out of your marriage, they do run their course that's life.

What I struggle with is the fact you want to prioritise your career over your boys when they clearly need you to take care of them as their mum can't.

I think you need a more child friendly career or reduce hours to give your boys the time they need from a parent.

McKneff · 7 October 2017 at 8:53PM

Wow...!!!!!! man....

jimbo747 · 7 October 2017 at 9:15PM

So much for in sickness and in health.

Considering separation from Disabled partner

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free