I'm Adopted
renegadefm
Posts: 1,303 Forumite
Hi everyone,
I was adopted in 1969, I couldn't wish for better adoptive parents, but obviously its always been in the back of my mind who and where my birth parents are or if they are still alive, especially given I know nothing about them or why I was adopted in the first place. I dont think my adoptive parents even know because those things were a bit taboo to talk about in 1969, I dont think they were allowed to ask.
How easy would it be to trace them or my birth mum at least? I'm prepared now that I am 50 to be told something bad happened or whatever. I wasen't so ready before. Or have I left it too late already?
I was adopted in 1969, I couldn't wish for better adoptive parents, but obviously its always been in the back of my mind who and where my birth parents are or if they are still alive, especially given I know nothing about them or why I was adopted in the first place. I dont think my adoptive parents even know because those things were a bit taboo to talk about in 1969, I dont think they were allowed to ask.
How easy would it be to trace them or my birth mum at least? I'm prepared now that I am 50 to be told something bad happened or whatever. I wasen't so ready before. Or have I left it too late already?
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Comments
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You can trace at any time, but I suppose the only risk is that they may have passed away. I'm also adopted (born 1970) and we'd have to see a counsellor to obtain our original birth certificates as when we were adopted, it was done so with the belief they could never be traced so we have to be prepared for rejection. The law changed later so that they knew they may be traced.
There's a lovely (long) interesting thread here from someone who traced.2023 wins: *must start comping again!*0 -
renegadefm wrote: »How easy would it be to trace them or my birth mum at least? I'm prepared now that I am 50 to be told something bad happened or whatever. I wasen't so ready before. Or have I left it too late already?
I helped someone investigate their genetic family tree after they went through the procedure to get their adoption info.
Both parents had died but they were pleased to find out about the earlier generations.0 -
I'm prepared mentally if either or both of them are dead, but I think it would be interesting to discover why I was adopted in the first places and the circumstances surrounding it, and if I got potential brothers and sisters assuming my birth mother went onto have more children.
I'm not sure but I have always assumed my birth mother was young and couldn't cope and was forced to give me up for adoption by her parents but I guessing really. But assuming my theory is right she might still be only in her late 60's or something.0 -
So how do I get the ball rolling?0
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Moneyineptitude, that's a bit rude dont you think? You got me all wrong. You obviously dont know me very well0
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renegadefm wrote: »So how do I get the ball rolling?
Speak to the adoption services team at your local council ... they will explain the process.
The adoption case papers, once you get them should have some detail about the circumstances of thd adoption.0 -
I have a family member who was adopted as a baby and assumed his mother couldn't cope. Turned out she went on to have 5 kids that she looked after. 1 immediately after him. She never tried to contact him and he was the only one she got rid of! So be prepared0
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I was adopted in 1950 and traced my birth mother in 2012. I have a long thread about it on here, under my original username of seven-day-weekend.
You start by getting your original birth certificate, which will give your birth mother's name (and possibly, but not neceessarily, your birth father's), also the name you were given when you were born. Then approach the adoption services at your local council. You may have to have some counselling,depending on when your adoption was.
I found my birth mum through giving what information I had on a site called Missing You, although the council would have done it for me if I had wished.
I still see my mother on a regualr basis, she will be 92 in March.
Good luck!!I used to be seven-day-weekend0 -
There is only one proper way to get the ball rolling. Contact the social services department that deals with these things. They will find your file and you will have to have a counselling/similar session with them to "prepare you" so to speak. That's just their standard procedure, so don't let it put you off.
It's highly possible your adoptive parents do have an almost full copy of the file and possibly know quite a bit. It's also possible some/all of it was withheld from them.
Just do it. Once it's done it's done and you won't have all those niggles at the back of your head. You know that one day you will have to pursue it and find out, so it's best done soonest.
All the best.0 -
I was also adopted, in 1950, I traced my mother and I was glad I did, as 2 years later she died and it would have been too late. So I'd say go for it
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