Daughter....found morning after pill, disappointed. Advice.

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  • goodwithsaving
    goodwithsaving Posts: 1,311 Forumite
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    You're coming to all sorts of conclusions without actually discussing this with your daughter (which I also don't think you should initiate).
    When I was 19, I certainly wasn't going to discuss my sex life with my mother - it's none of her business and we're mother / daughter, not friends. That hasn't changed as I've got older either.
    If it was under your roof, it would be different. But you say it wasn't.
    Perhaps she wanted to move out because she had limited privacy, this certainly isn't going to help matters.
    She'll come to you when she's ready.
  • alittleworried
    alittleworried Posts: 18 Forumite
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    Ska lover, she was staying in my home where there's rules, she said she was going to move out, she was told welcome back if you need anything let us know...it didn't happen. Yes she's a adult living in my home, hers also but there's rules. Unprotected sex is a big issue, for various reasons as I'm sure all are aware.

    I fully understand she's a adult, I said that at the start, her actions could cause consequences not just for herself but others in this house, your answer is very blaze, she's a adult she can do what she wants, but she lives here. If she moved out and wasn't in touch for weeks that's up to her, but she stays here. Some mothers it wouldn't bother them.
    Crowding her how, you obviously know more than me.
    Gettingthere she knows she can speak to me, she thought she was pregnant at 16, the talk had been going on before then.
  • coolcait
    coolcait Posts: 4,803 Forumite
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    alittleworried wrote: »
    ...she knows she can speak to me,...

    Then let her do that - if/when she wants to.
  • badmemory
    badmemory Posts: 7,791 Forumite
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    alittleworried wrote: »
    Badmemory, don't think so since it was a free prescription. Thank you.

    It depends on how determined she is not to get pregnant.

    Many years ago I used to be susceptible to an infection. After it starting late on Thursday night, that's the one before Good Friday, I couldn't get treatment until the Tuesday, which meant I needed twice the dosage & the whole thing was much more unpleasant than usual. Shortly after I thought I may have it again so got a prescription it turned out I didn't need. After that I used the medication whenever I felt I needed it & then replaced it. Can you be 100% sure she has not done a similar thing.

    She has been sensible enough to get the morning after pill, that is not something to be disappointed about. It would be much more disappointing for her to say in 5 months time that she has been concealing her pregnancy & it is way to late to do anything about it.

    Although I do understand that I may well react differently if it was my daughter. Please do try not to overreact. It won't end well.
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
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    edited 10 September 2017 at 1:45AM
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    alittleworried wrote: »
    Ska lover, she was staying in my home where there's rules, she said she was going to move out, she was told welcome back if you need anything let us know...it didn't happen. Yes she's a adult living in my home, hers also but there's rules. Unprotected sex is a big issue, for various reasons as I'm sure all are aware.

    I fully understand she's a adult, I said that at the start, her actions could cause consequences not just for herself but others in this house, your answer is very blaze, she's a adult she can do what she wants, but she lives here. If she moved out and wasn't in touch for weeks that's up to her, but she stays here. Some mothers it wouldn't bother them.
    Crowding her how, you obviously know more than me.
    Gettingthere she knows she can speak to me, she thought she was pregnant at 16, the talk had been going on before then.

    I know you are upset, but there is no need to be defensive - i think people are genuinely trying to help and would like to see a positive outcome

    It seems obvious that you really need to calm down

    The consensus is the bull in a china shop approach is not the way forwards here and you need to back off and let her come to you if she WANTS to. You use the word 'adult' a lot, but you treat her like a kid, picking up dishes in her room, forcing embarrasing conversations
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • alittleworried
    alittleworried Posts: 18 Forumite
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    Coolcait, I understand the well let her speak when if she wants, I would think that to if I saw a thread like this. It's not that easy. She lives here, if my suspicions are correct this has happened with a stranger not someone she's be dating. She stays here and yes, it could change the dynamics of the whole house if she was. I understand she may not be, I've taken everything on board.

    Badmemory, it's not the normal morning after pill she has taken, it's the other 5 day one. I'm not overreacting I've said nothing and may yet say nothing. Now I know she's taken it, my worry is could she be as I've got a strong feeling it wasn't taken in time. Thank you for your reply. She's been using no contraception obviously, it wasn't even a month a go I was going through all the different types again with her. I was explaining how she could get them, I go through it with them all from a young age, explain everything, from accidents how important condoms are, along with other birth control. I've been a teenage mum.
  • alittleworried
    alittleworried Posts: 18 Forumite
    edited 10 September 2017 at 2:22AM
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    ska_lover wrote: »
    I know you are upset, but there is no need to be defensive - i think people are genuinely trying to help.

    It seems obvious that you really need to calm down though as you seem hysterical
    Hysterical, don't think so. Concerned. I've been perfectly calm and explained my side of what people have said. Yes I did question you post. ..why not you seemed to know something I didn't.

    I questioned others to and explained my side...hysterical no. Concerned yes. Others find themselves in situations like this and do damn all about it. All I asked for was advice. I've been a poster for about 10 years know how threads can go, 99% off posters have been helpful and if I've questioned them they've explained, where there thinking from. You're the 1% who tried to make a argument I didn't agree and said I'm hysterical...get a grip. I'm concerned.

    Love the last edit of your post..The last paragraph, so far from the truth. Did you just loose the word hysterical along with the rest of the post making me out to be a idiot.
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
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    alittleworried wrote: »
    Hysterical, don't think so. Concerned. I've been perfectly calm and explained my side of what people have said. Yes I did question you post. ..why not you seemed to know something I didn't.

    I questioned others to and explained my side...hysterical no. Concerned yes. Others find themselves in situations like this and do damn all about it. All I asked for was advice. I've been a poster for about 10 years know how threads can go, 99% off posters have been helpful and if I've questioned them they've explained, where there thinking from. You're the 1% who tried to make a argument I didn't agree and said I'm hysterical...get a grip. I'm concerned.

    I am not surprised at concern but you seem irrational with this catastrophic thinking. You are just thinking the worst case scenario

    Every poster has told you to leave it alone and not bring up this situation with your daughter, no one is telling you its a good idea

    She hasn't come to you to say shes pregnant. You don't know that she is, she has taken precautions so in reality she is more likely NOT

    Your daughter seems like shes got her head screwed on, she got the morning after pill, it seems she has dealt with the situation

    But no, that is not good enough in your mind, you don't know if she took it on time or not or who she had sex with

    You seem well beyond concerned to me. I am not saying you are wrong, but you seem out of your mind with it all, like the only thing that will bring you peace of mind is to bring this up with your daughter even though this seems ill advised
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • goodwithsaving
    goodwithsaving Posts: 1,311 Forumite
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    Concerned and going in circles. Perhaps, instead of discussing your daughters sex life with a forum - address the issue directly to her if you are that concerned.
  • alittleworried
    alittleworried Posts: 18 Forumite
    edited 10 September 2017 at 8:34AM
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    ska_lover wrote: »
    I am not surprised at concern but you seem irrational with this catastrophic thinking. You are just thinking the worst case scenario

    Every poster has told you to leave it alone and not bring up this situation with your daughter, no one is telling you its a good idea

    She hasn't come to you to say shes pregnant. You don't know that she is, she has taken precautions so in reality she is more likely NOT

    Your daughter seems like shes got her head screwed on, she got the morning after pill, it seems she has dealt with the situation

    But no, that is not good enough in your mind, you don't know if she took it on time or not or who she had sex with

    You seem well beyond concerned to me. I am not saying you are wrong, but you seem out of your mind with it all, like the only thing that will bring you peace of mind is to bring this up with your daughter even though this seems ill advised
    If you read earlier posts I did say maybe it's best not to bring it up to her. Hysterical nope, perfectly calm had 2 kids by the time I was 19, know what happens. I actually had 3 by 23. Yeah it's been hard, but the bills have been paid.

    Yeah, I don't know if she took it on time, said that on the original post. ..hence post advice...which I've taken on board. I don't think I will bring it up, I was only looking for advice. Not looking to made out like some hysterical idiot which I'm not.

    (Text removed by MSE Forum Team)
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