Making savings before it's too late

Blackcatsreturns · 25 April 2018 at 9:30PM

Thank you all very much and RedMel welcome and thank you for your honest perspective.
I've said no. There will be upset and probably sulking but I thought that if I said yes this time and then said no the next time there would still be recriminations so It would be best to get that over and done with.
My rationale also included recognising that although I do have the money I have worked to earn it and I am applying strict rules on my own spending as I am trying to retire early.
I thought it was a helpful suggestion to think how I could help in other ways. The person is quite hard to help as they believe they know everything and are always right! However, when the initial sulking has passed I will try to help them with a few ideas for their business as it is not currently making them sufficient money to be viable. So thank you all for your help and for giving me the support to make a tough decision. Without you I'm sure I would have said yes because I wasn't brave enough to say no!

redmel1621 · 25 April 2018 at 9:57PM

Blackcatsreturns wrote: »

Thank you all very much and RedMel welcome and thank you for your honest perspective.
I've said no. There will be upset and probably sulking but I thought that if I said yes this time and then said no the next time there would still be recriminations so It would be best to get that over and done with.
My rationale also included recognising that although I do have the money I have worked to earn it and I am applying strict rules on my own spending as I am trying to retire early.
I thought it was a helpful suggestion to think how I could help in other ways. The person is quite hard to help as they believe they know everything and are always right! However, when the initial sulking has passed I will try to help them with a few ideas for their business as it is not currently making them sufficient money to be viable. So thank you all for your help and for giving me the support to make a tough decision. Without you I'm sure I would have said yes because I wasn't brave enough to say no!

Well done. And you are absolutely right, if you say yes this time but no next time, there will still be sulking and negative repercussions. I know as this is exactly how we felt despite the fact we had been helped over and over again: unfortunately it is never enough.

I definitely think that providing some feedback and ideas for their business is the way to go - once they have got over the shock of you saying no

RM x

Blackcatsreturns · 26 April 2018 at 2:41PM

RedMel
I agree about a spending review. I have a free app on my phone and record all my spends there. I did it for the whole of 2017 and it was truly staggering to see annual spends. I have set myself a target of reducing by 10% overall this year. I'm on track with that but only just. I'm a spender not a saver so am re-training myself.
As for your description of earning more, spending more I think that lots of people do that. We had a talk a few years ago from a financial advisor who said that when she did a full spending review with her clients many of them were spending approx 90% of their income. It didn't matter if the income was £20000 or £100;000 the expenditure was about 90%. When I thought about it that made sense to me - more money to spend means more expensive things to buy - a bigger house, a fancier car, more expensive holidays, more expensive clothes, bags, shoes etc. Shopping from the more expensive supermarkets etc etc.

[Deleted User] · 26 April 2018 at 5:04PM

blackcats, I am very proud of you

I agree about spending that 90% of whatever income, gosh I remember in the old days, killing time in town and always spending whatever I had in my purse. These days of course, credit cards are like time bombs, they just don`t have that feel of money. I have just got rid of over 80 dvds, all bought as sets and not used, those days when I got the endorphins from spending.

I got hooked in by qvc, probably about 20 years ago and there was parcel after parcel, I even stayed up until midnight to get the days special value. Really pathetic behaviour but psychlogically, I think I must have been needy for something

maryb · 26 April 2018 at 7:53PM

I've signed up for the Ready to Wear Fast on Goodbye Valentino. I haven't actually made all that much but it does seem to have stopped me buying. I keep thinking to hell with it and thinking I'll buy something but then I go home without buying anything. In the past I would "buy for the high" and then get shopper's remorse (and take it all back) but now I have what I need and somehow I no longer want

Blackcatsreturns · 26 April 2018 at 7:56PM

Thank you Kittie - that means a lot to me. I am certain that without this thread I would have felt pressure and "lent" the money - in reality just said goodbye to the money.
I used to spend loads of money on stuff and accumulated eye watering debts. I think most of the stuff is in landfill now and the fancy cars are probably on a scrap heap somewhere. Ahh the wisdom of age and experience and the support of amazing people here has made a real difference.

caronc · 26 April 2018 at 8:15PM

Well done Blackcatsreturn, it's a hard to say no but as you say it gets it over with. As remel said sometimes people do need to learn the hard way.
When I was younger and starting out on my own my parents weren't in a position to help me financially so I never had it as an expectation. My ex's were more comfortably off but his 2 sister's took advantage of it so he was determined not to do the same which I agreed with. Don't get me wrong neither set of parents would have seen us stuck in an emergency but we were determined to be self-sufficient though it was really hard at times but it we got through it.
I have both gifted and loaned my kids money while they were studying, always for essential things and both have been fab at paying back any money borrowed. I'm happy to help them out where needed and where I can but also know that it wouldn't strain our relationship if I said no. Thankfully both are now in good jobs and seem pretty savvy with their cash.

Spendless · 27 April 2018 at 7:16AM

Great posts redmel. It sounds like you're at a similar life stage to me (you're younger though:o

) with kids at school and college.

We also shop mostly at Aldi, but there's a co-op a few minutes away for when we've run out, which is largely a matter of dis-organisation and lack of planning. I understand those give the kids a few quid because you've not picked up drinks, snacks etc.

blackcat - Pleased you stood firm. I suggested seeing if you could help in another area because of an issue close to me. I can't name who the people are but they were bailed out by others to help with debt, only for them to still run an extravagant lifestyle and the borrowing not being fully returned (as is often the case). Though I think the borrowers are in the wrong, I do think the lenders were a bit naive in their expectations, considering how the debt had been run up in the first place. Helping with finances instead of just handing more money over would have been beneficial to both parties and if it had happened there wouldn't be the issue that there is today between them, which has the knock on effect of affecting me and my family sadly.

moneyistooshorttomention · 27 April 2018 at 8:32AM

Kittie - good point re the impulse spending. I find it helps a lot to "keep in check" any spending I might do on impulse.

I let myself have £4/£5 for a magazine or a couple of quid for a bottle of beer/that sort of level of impulse spending. But am very conscious of "keeping A List" of what I need money for yet.

That List has now got down to two post-it notes in length basically and I keep those post-it notes in my personal diary and it helps when I think "Next - I'm going to get money together for that thing on The List. Then I'm going to get money together for t'other thing on The List. I've got it divided into "Urgent", "Now" and "When I can" and try (don't always succeed - but it helps a lot) to prioritise and get the money for the "Urgent" things first. Unexpected things do keep coming up and throwing a spanner in the works - which is a nuisance (for instance I've just had to spend £140 on my computer to stop it playing up, with a new hard drive etc) and one can't help them disrupting The List.

Did deviate and get some stuff off the Now list before cracking on with the Urgent List - ie but it has to be a reasoned discussion with myself. That time it was "I WILL get some nice plantpots and plants for them for the garden and try and make a little section of it more 'type of garden I'm used to' ". That helps to be going on with whilst I wait for the money to do a total gutting job on the garden (that's so expensive that it's on the "When I can" section of list). I figured it would be worth taking some of those plants/pots out of order and getting them first - as it helps a bit to make my home feel like it's in my own "Home area" and it is important to me to feel life is as "normal" as possible at home here - because it's so different once I'm outside my home.

I also threw in a few quid because the tv channel that has become a favourite of mine since moving here had stopped working on Freeview - so that was some more money spent out-a-place, ie on a tv engineer - so that I could keep watching Channel 10.

lessonlearned · 27 April 2018 at 10:58AM

Hello everyone...sorry I have been awol. I decided to put my house on the market so there was a last minute flurry of activity to get it ready. I have had some viewings but no offers yet. I am in no tearing hurry so it's just a waiting game,

I've also started a college course. Luckily it is government funded so I have had nothing to pay out. I am loving it. It will add to my qualifications and give me the certificate I need to get public liability insurance so I can set up my own business.

Blackcat - just wanted to add my thoughts. You had a very hard decision to make. I too think it was the right one. It would just have been enabling them. If they had made any attempt to pay back your original loan then that would have been different. Paying back £20 and then coming back for more is an insult. Sometimes it has to be tough love.

My sister aged 56 is shocker with money. My parents were always bailing her out. She rarely repaid their loans. The money ended up as gifts. Now they are dead that well has run dry.

When they died she tried to do me out of around £50k of my inheritence. I managed in the end to get £10k but she walked away with over £40k. She will blow the lot and then come begging. She can whistle. God knows how much money she has blown over the years. My Dad coukd never say no to her. When he got too sick to handle his affairs, she took over. I don't want to make accusations I will just say there were certain anomolies on his bank statements......:o

Well now I'm doing ok. I have stopped treating Amazon as my own personal lending library, haven't bought any EBay "bargain" in weeks,
And apart from a few bits from primarni I haven't felt the need to splurge on new clothes. Feeling smug, :rotfl:

Still need to reduce the trips to the corner shop and get better organised In the kitchen but already I have managed almost zero food waste in the last few weeks so a big improvement.

Just renewed my travel insurance and PHI. Both gone up of course. Cancelled my gym....just wasn't getting my money's worth, I hated going. I can exercise at home for free.

Have kept the life insurance for now. I might take out a small mortgage on my next property so will need insurance just in case. If I cancel and then reinstate I will end up laying higher premiums so I'll just stick with it for now.

Need to do my month end review and do all the transfers for next months bills. Will do that over the next couple of days. All in all fairly happy with My progress.

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Making savings before it's too late

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