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  • FIRST POST
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 25th Jan 18, 7:49 PM
    • 324Posts
    • 243Thanks
    Buggins
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it
    • #1
    • 25th Jan 18, 7:49 PM
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it 25th Jan 18 at 7:49 PM
    Just wanted to put this thread on to replace the missing one. Worried that some people who have been following the old thread might really need it sometime and won't get the support they need/want. It has, and still does, help me.
Page 47
    • iris
    • By iris 4th Oct 18, 8:09 AM
    • 1,010 Posts
    • 3,397 Thanks
    iris
    Pleased that your move went smoothly LL.

    Hope you will be happy in your new home.
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 4th Oct 18, 6:29 PM
    • 1,102 Posts
    • 1,656 Thanks
    sheilavw
    So please your house move went well LL, its takes a while to get straight
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 29th Oct 18, 5:34 AM
    • 1,102 Posts
    • 1,656 Thanks
    sheilavw
    it's very quiet on here. I do hope everyone is well. We are just back from a week in Fuengirola with family and it went well. Back to work today. Enjoy your Monday everyone
    • wort
    • By wort 30th Oct 18, 9:47 AM
    • 973 Posts
    • 11,624 Thanks
    wort
    Yes Sheila, it's quiet maybe a good thing, hope it means everyone is copied g well.
    Glad you enjoyed your holiday.
    It's hard to believe we are almost in November! This year has flown.
    At the moment I'm struggling with not being able to remember him properly, those weeks in hospital last year seem like it didn't happen to me that I'm just looking from the outside? If that makes sense.
    I feel I have tears close to the edge at the moment, just as if I'm going g to burst into tears,but it doesn't happen, obviously in public places I don't want to! But the other night at home it happened and I really tried to cry and I couldn't.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 30th Oct 18, 7:18 PM
    • 1,102 Posts
    • 1,656 Thanks
    sheilavw
    so sorry to hear how you are feeling.I feel nervous because its our first ‘ neurology’
    appt tomorrow since his diagnosis, just want it to be positive but dont know what to expect
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 31st Oct 18, 10:20 AM
    • 1,102 Posts
    • 1,656 Thanks
    sheilavw
    got a voicemail as we were ready to leave this morning. appt for wrong specialist so cancelled it and we have to wait for a new letter!
    • wort
    • By wort 6th Nov 18, 4:34 PM
    • 973 Posts
    • 11,624 Thanks
    wort
    Oh Sheila that's terrible. It's a hard enough time for you without the stress of waiting again. Hopefully it will be soon.
    Lots of hugs x
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 6th Nov 18, 8:35 PM
    • 1,102 Posts
    • 1,656 Thanks
    sheilavw
    Thanks, not heard anything since. Maybe we will hear soon
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 8th Nov 18, 7:40 AM
    • 11,622 Posts
    • 80,074 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Hello everyone. Yes it is quiet on here. As Wort says hopefully that is a good sign that all is well.

    Sheila. Keep me PMing me anytime. Our experiences are similar so if I can offer you any help or advice I'm happy to. Anytime you want to "chat".

    Well the house move went smoothly. There is a lot to do but I think that is perhaps a good thing. It will keep me busy and give something to focus on.

    I am having a new bathroom fitted at the end if this month and because there is only one and I will be without water for while I decided to escape the dirt and mess. I originally planned a mini break in the U.K. but once I totted up how much it was going to cost I realised I could find a last minute holiday in the sun for not much more. I found a bargainous 14 night cruise to the Canaries and Morroco. . Crazy that you can do a 14 day cruise for practically the same price as 5 nights in the U.K..

    TBH I am very tired and have rather run out of steam. The house move was both tiring and stressful and I have been pretty much working flat out since March so I think a holiday will do me good.

    It's a different cruise line so I'm a bit apprehensive. I keep waking up with butterflies in my tummy but I am determined to start getting out and about more and trying new things. I am becoming a bit too reclusive and it's not healthy to get stuck in a rut.

    Other than that no real news. My family are all well and it will be our first Christmas with my grandchild. It's nice to have a baby in the family again.

    Hope you are all ok. X
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 08-11-2018 at 7:43 AM.
    • Sammie36
    • By Sammie36 28th Nov 18, 9:34 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 129 Thanks
    Sammie36
    Hi,

    Am I able to post here? Someone on pointed me in the direction of this thread but i didn't realise it was in the over 50s section. I'm 35.

    My partner suddenly died 9 weeks ago and I am seriously struggling.

    Thanks
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 28th Nov 18, 10:29 PM
    • 39,869 Posts
    • 37,116 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    Hi,

    Am I able to post here? Someone on pointed me in the direction of this thread but i didn't realise it was in the over 50s section. I'm 35.

    My partner suddenly died 9 weeks ago and I am seriously struggling.

    Thanks
    Originally posted by Sammie36
    Oh Sammie, yes, yes, YES! Age is no barrier here really: the board is useful for some of the issues faced more by the over than the under 50s, but this thread is very much open to all who need it.

    And I know everyone who sees this will be sending you huge virtual hugs of support.

    I know some have mentioned an organisation called Widowed and Young. Now may or may not be the time to contact them, but they are out there, when you're ready.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • Sammie36
    • By Sammie36 28th Nov 18, 10:39 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 129 Thanks
    Sammie36
    Thank you savvy_sue.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 28th Nov 18, 10:47 PM
    • 39,869 Posts
    • 37,116 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    As I don't know who else is around with direct experience of this, I shall say a little more.

    I don't know if you need to take care of anyone else at the moment, but you MUST keep taking care of you. However hard it is, you must eat - soup and toast are better than nothing - drink - but not too much alcohol! - and sleep - which I know is probably impossible. Anything else is a bonus.

    I'm going to suggest sleep now. Can you warm the bed and your nightclothes? Grab a pillow and howl into it while you cuddle it?
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • Sammie36
    • By Sammie36 28th Nov 18, 10:51 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 129 Thanks
    Sammie36
    Thank you for response. I have 3 children.

    I don't seem to be able to sleep at night but spend most days in bed.

    I'm really trying but it's getting harder.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 28th Nov 18, 11:07 PM
    • 39,869 Posts
    • 37,116 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    Oh Sammie, I remember your thread on Marriage and Families about it being a bad day.

    You are doing a good job: you are caring for your children. This is huge, it's horrendous, and you feel it's getting harder. Don't beat yourself up about that: it's not your fault.

    What would you do if one of your children was struggling to sleep? Hot milky drink? warm bath? soothing music? anything that smells of lavendar handy? Get warm and comfy, at least.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 28th Nov 18, 11:10 PM
    • 39,869 Posts
    • 37,116 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    Also remember the Samaritans are there all night (I will have to go to bed myself at some point!). You don't have to be at breaking point to call them. I've just checked their website:

    We Support Anyone Who Needs Help. Whatever You're Going Through, Talk to Us Now. You Talk, We Listen.

    You can tweet, text or email them if you don't feel you can manage a phone conversation.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • Sammie36
    • By Sammie36 28th Nov 18, 11:53 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 129 Thanks
    Sammie36
    Thank you.

    I will take a look at their website. Not sure I will manage a call without breaking down.

    I seem to be too agitated to relax. I can't even sit in our living room since it happened.

    Thanks for listening.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 29th Nov 18, 12:22 AM
    • 39,869 Posts
    • 37,116 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    I will take a look at their website. Not sure I will manage a call without breaking down.
    Originally posted by Sammie36
    Well, remember they are well used to people breaking down. Just grab a box of tissues before you start the call. or, if you'd rather, go for texting or email. You might find just writing stuff down will help.

    I seem to be too agitated to relax. I can't even sit in our living room since it happened.
    Originally posted by Sammie36
    Go back to what I asked about what you'd do if this was one of your children. Try any or all of those. And remember to breathe when it all starts to hit you again. In, and out. In, and out. Go wherever you can be comfortable, and warm (I know when I stay up too late I often let myself get really cold, and then I'm too cold to sleep!)

    Thanks for listening.
    Originally posted by Sammie36
    You're welcome. I see your green light's still on, I know mine's gone off and come on again, but I really am off now, and may not get back to the computer very early tomorrow. However you WILL be in my thoughts.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • Dymphna60
    • By Dymphna60 29th Nov 18, 9:26 AM
    • 55 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    Dymphna60
    Sammie thinking of you and hoping that you find the right help and support for you .
    My parter died in June although I am 20 years older than you and don’t have children to support so our circumstances are different.
    However I have gone through feeling that things got worse just at the time when people however kindly felt that you should be starting to ‘get over it ‘ I think it’s the terrible loneliness and a horrible anxiety.
    My experience can only be mine but I can say that I am in the last few weeks able to sleep better. I think because I always know when I wake in the night that he is dead and don’t have to remember every time If that makes sense?


    My thoughts are with you x
    • MrAPJI
    • By MrAPJI 29th Nov 18, 9:39 AM
    • 100 Posts
    • 1,283 Thanks
    MrAPJI
    Glad you've found the thread Sammie. There are probably few words of real comfort that I can give you at the moment, but like most of those that visit this thread, I do understand how you are feeling. Apart from a profound sense of loss, there will be so many emotions running through your mind that at times might feel quite overwhelming - that's to be expected. What I found helped me the most was to talk ''anoymously'' on this site about how I was ''really'' feeling. In the ''real'' world I tended to hide my true emotions and that didn't help me one little bit. In talking here, I found tremendous support and kindness which helped me through those painful times. My heart goes out to you Sammie and also to your three little ones. Take good care of yourselves and please don't bottle things up inside - keep talking and we will keep listening - you are not alone.
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