Lifetime or payoff mortgage

2

Comments

  • Concernedretiree
    Concernedretiree Posts: 9 Forumite
    I truly 100% believed our joint savings were in place to pay off the mortgage as he had said so when account was originally set up many years ago. When he was 65 we had to leave our our previous property we had lived in for 25 years as he had made no provision to pay off actual loan. I was deeply reluctant to move. We moved 70 miles away to a place we had no links to which I hate. I had no say in this. PI should add that in 36 years of mortgages not once, has a payment ever been missed. Our credit rating is as good as it gets. Though I!!!8217;ve never had my own credit card or even my own motor insurance as he always said it would work out cheaper if I was co-credit card holder and motor insurance would be cheaper for same reason. He has no idea I have joined and posted on this forum.
  • Brynsam
    Brynsam Posts: 3,643 Forumite
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    Concernedretiree wrote: »
    I truly 100% believed our joint savings were in place to pay off the mortgage as he had said so when account was originally set up many years ago. When he was 65 we had to leave our our previous property we had lived in for 25 years as he had made no provision to pay off actual loan. I was deeply reluctant to move. We moved 70 miles away to a place we had no links to which I hate. I had no say in this. PI should add that in 36 years of mortgages not once, has a payment ever been missed. Our credit rating is as good as it gets. Though I!!!8217;ve never had my own credit card or even my own motor insurance as he always said it would work out cheaper if I was co-credit card holder and motor insurance would be cheaper for same reason. He has no idea I have joined and posted on this forum.

    With the best will in the world, stop posting here and start acting - see a solicitor.
  • DancingBadger
    DancingBadger Posts: 215 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Concernedretiree wrote: »
    He has no idea I have joined and posted on this forum.

    My husband has no idea what I do on the internet unless I choose to share something with him, and vice versa. From what you've written, I honestly don't think you realise your husband's unilateral control of your lives amounts to abuse. You have a right to privacy and your own opinions.

    Please consider getting help. Legal advice would be good, but I think you need to speak to a relationship counsellor to help you regain your sense of self-worth:
    https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk

    You sound isolated. Do you have any close female friends/family?
  • DairyQueen
    DairyQueen Posts: 1,822 Forumite
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    Relate are also a possibility. Their counselling isn't just for couples and they are also able to provide practical advice, and will help you to gain some perspective on your situation.

    You are in need of support and advice but the financial issues you describe are a consequence of the dynamic that has existed for so long between you and your husband.

    Is the dynamic the problem? If so, then a counsellor and lawyer are the professionals you need now. If, on the other hand, the issue has been catalysed by a belated realisation that your husband has not provided the financial security you anticipated in retirement then an IFA would be your best bet. Ideally you would take financial advice as a couple but if your husband refused to join you seek advice alone. The advisor will be able to inform you of the options and recommend a way forward.
  • Concernedretiree
    Concernedretiree Posts: 9 Forumite
    Thanks so much for the advice fellow members. I!!!8217;ve posted on a financial forum because I do not know whether it is better to pay off mortgage so we have no debt which is easily affordable or to get a lifetime mortgage which is what my husband wants. Of course, paying off mortgage would give me more control over our future which he most definitely would not want
  • BLB53
    BLB53 Posts: 1,583 Forumite
    Whether or not to pay off the mortgage is not the real issue here. In my opinion, you need to take back control of YOUR life. After many years with a controlling partner, it will seem like your self esteem is low and you have no power but in reality you have but possibly do not appreciate it.

    My advice would be to seriously think about a split, see a good solicitor about the prospects of what you could reasonably expect from a divorce, then make a decision.
  • blues
    blues Posts: 268 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    You are in an abusive relationship. Are you content living like this for the rest of your life? Consider all your options and stay safe. Partners who realise they are losing control in these situations can be unpredictable and even dangerous.
  • Brynsam
    Brynsam Posts: 3,643 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Post
    Concernedretiree wrote: »
    Thanks so much for the advice fellow members. I!!!8217;ve posted on a financial forum because I do not know whether it is better to pay off mortgage so we have no debt which is easily affordable or to get a lifetime mortgage which is what my husband wants. Of course, paying off mortgage would give me more control over our future which he most definitely would not want

    According to your previous posts you don't have a choice. Tackle the real issue: your relationship with your. husband.
  • atush
    atush Posts: 18,726 Forumite
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    Concernedretiree wrote: »
    Thanks so much for the advice fellow members. I!!!8217;ve posted on a financial forum because I do not know whether it is better to pay off mortgage so we have no debt which is easily affordable or to get a lifetime mortgage which is what my husband wants. Of course, paying off mortgage would give me more control over our future which he most definitely would not want

    I would not agre to extend any borrowing at all. given his ideas for the money and his controlling behaviour.

    I agree with DQ, you need a solicitor PDQ and:
    I truly 100% believed our joint savings were in place to pay off the mortgage as he had said so when account was originally set up many years ago. When he was 65 we had to leave our our previous property we had lived in for 25 years as he had made no provision to pay off actual loan.

    This. He took out a mtg he cannot pay off due to negligance. Which resulted in a forced move. So should not borrow further.

    Honestly your best action would be to divorce him, take your half (and it will be half with a long marriage and children) and at least yoou can:

    Live where you want, leave your half to your children (not all to his) and have a say over what you do in your own life.

    If you dont want to go that far right now, at least see a solicitor to find our your rights and some practical advice in advance of any long term decision. Such as record keeping.

    What do yor adult children say? Will they support you? Emotionally at least?
  • Concernedretiree
    Concernedretiree Posts: 9 Forumite
    Husband could have paid off the mortgage in previous house if he had chosen to but he put every available penny into his pension. The first house we had was a New town corporation house which I lived in with my 2 children and which he moved into. Once we married and bought it became a jointly owned property. 36 years on, I could not even afford this house now. As for my children, one lives with his family on the other side of the world though all lived close by before I was forced to move.
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