deleted

Keezing
Keezing Posts: 322 Forumite
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edited 5 January 2018 at 11:39AM in Marriage, relationships & families
Deleted due to wife finding it. Sigh.

Comments

  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Keezing wrote: »
    Hi Everyone,

    The situation with my wife has become impossible. I won’t go into it in much detail here but you can read my other threads if you want some history.

    I love her but have accepted that we need to divorce but I just don’t see it ending well for anyone.

    We have a 4 year old daughter who I would like to be the primary carer of, mainly due to my wife being very unstable and unreliable. She’s already told me she will fight to be the primary carer, and from what I’ve read she will probably win. - The law is basically possession 9/10s. Who is primary carer now?

    We have around 95k of debt between us, most of which I balance transferred into my name to help her anxiety. So I have about 80k of debt in my name. - Yes but it's marital debt isn't it?

    The house is in my name only as she had bad credit when we applied. My savings paid for the deposit and I have paid the mortgage. The equity in the house is less than our debt. Our net worth is essentially negative.there is no money to split post-divorce. - Irrelevant, it's the marital home

    We still live together, but Daughter goes to nursery 3 days per week, I do the mornings, evenings, and weekends. Wife looks after her for 2 days a week (watches TV with her). She has refused to find work. - not really relevant now

    She has no other family, no friends, no money.

    I transfer £400-500 per month to her which she spends on herself. - why?

    There is no physical or emotional abuse from either party. No adultery. - good.

    What’s my best approach here? I want to make sure she is ok, but I need to prioritise the well-being of our daughter. - why are you concerned about her? Surely tough love is the answer?

    Is it likely that I’ll be forced to leave?


    By who? You both have equal rights to be there - via slightly different legal reasons
  • AylesburyDuck
    AylesburyDuck Posts: 939 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    Keezing wrote: »
    Deleted due to wife finding it. Sigh.
    Hello Keezings wife,
    Please please do seek further help for you PND, i've 4 children and had PND after each and every one of them.
    While i do understand that you might not like the effect of the medication, yes it can be offputting, but trust me, they do work.
    My Children are grown now and i have been medication free and happy for the past 15 years, when at my worst i didnt know how i'd last the day.
    Trust me, it's the best thing you'll do for yourself.
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
  • Jojo_the_Tightfisted
    Jojo_the_Tightfisted Posts: 27,228 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    What about the son you mentioned as well in your earlier posts?
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • Keezing
    Keezing Posts: 322 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »
    What about the son you mentioned as well in your earlier posts?

    So the son is actually a daughter. I switched the sex before to avoid her noticing it. This time I just made the mistake of leaving my laptop open so it didn’t matter anyway.

    She has now gone through all of my old posts. She’s agreed to individual and couple therapy which is a good result.
  • AylesburyDuck
    AylesburyDuck Posts: 939 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    Keezing wrote: »
    So the son is actually a daughter. I switched the sex before to avoid her noticing it. This time I just made the mistake of leaving my laptop open so it didn’t matter anyway.

    She has now gone through all of my old posts. She’s agreed to individual and couple therapy which is a good result.
    And hopefully to seek proper treatment for her PND, untill she does she wont see the wood for the trees.
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    £95K debt and only one income? How much do you earn? How did it get to this?

    No kidding your wife is depressed (not sure about PND 4 years on). Sounds like it's time for many changes in your habits, both individually and as a married couple. Good luck, you can make it work.
  • AylesburyDuck
    AylesburyDuck Posts: 939 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    FBaby wrote: »
    £95K debt and only one income? How much do you earn? How did it get to this?

    No kidding your wife is depressed (not sure about PND 4 years on). Sounds like it's time for many changes in your habits, both individually and as a married couple. Good luck, you can make it work.
    Totally possible im afraid, and more so if you dont seek correct treatment.
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
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