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  • FIRST POST
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 1st Jan 19, 2:36 PM
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    Savvy sewing
    I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019
    • #1
    • 1st Jan 19, 2:36 PM
    I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019 1st Jan 19 at 2:36 PM
    As I am a Seamstress, and this year is about my sorting out my life and changing my direction, finally loosing the family debts etc perhaps the title is the most apt I can come up with this year.
    Here is to 2019 and a frugal year to change my direction so that I can rebuild my dreams in the next year.
    Last edited by Savvy sewing; 28-08-2019 at 1:38 PM.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 34
    • elisamoose
    • By elisamoose 18th Apr 19, 7:23 AM
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    elisamoose
    I am confused ......where are his children if he is at work until midnight or does not come home and you are at your mums?
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 18th Apr 19, 7:41 AM
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    Savvy sewing
    I am confused ......where are his children if he is at work until midnight or does not come home and you are at your mums?
    Originally posted by elisamoose
    With her. Last Friday the court gave her 50/50 custody until the next plo meeting.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • hb2
    • By hb2 18th Apr 19, 8:06 AM
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    hb2
    Mooloo, I'm glad that you had a good day with your mum and then a nice chat with your siblings

    I agree that it is unusual for 2 tyres to blow out - but still think that is more likely than them having been tampered with.

    The Bank of Mum seems to be taking a big hit again at the moment. I know that some of it has been unavoidable but please keep a close eye so that it does not spiral out of control again.
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 18th Apr 19, 5:02 PM
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    Savvy sewing
    I don't feel that I have had much choice at the moment.
    I have spoken to him this afternoon and told him again that he needed to sort out the bank, and the budget, and all the things he has debts to deal with.
    I will be reminding him again when he finally gets home.
    I am tired today, late night crisis do not help.
    So I treated myself to sausage and chips from the shop on the way home, and now I am going to take my final cup of tea into the bath!
    When vitalised ( hopefully), I will have the energy to put all the dry washing away, as it's all over my bed, I have no choice but to put it all away really.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • dreaming
    • By dreaming 18th Apr 19, 5:27 PM
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    dreaming
    Hi Mooloo - sorry to hear life is still so stressful for you. I know that DS needs to get his btm in gear and sort things out but I wonder if he is just overwhelmed by it all (understandably I think). I know my eldest got very stressed out by "talking" and being given a long list of things to do. Since her ASD diagnosis she has been able to explain that 10-15 minutes of talking is about all she can take in at one time. After that her brain seems to switch off and she forgets everything that was said. I have now learned that better results are achieved if I bear this in mind so limit the talking to 10 minutes and only give her one thing to do at a time. I find things get done better this way. I know DS doesn't have a diagnosis of ASD but I vaguely recall you thought he might be (apologies if I'm wrong). Anyway the procedure would still work for a lot of people. I know it is frustrating when you are very much a "let's get this sorted now" type of person (as am I), and I know there is a lot to sort out, but maybe by breaking it down into smaller increments he might cope better and not "go walkabout". I also find eldest takes things in better if we are doing something together like washing up, for example - I think it is less intimidating. Anyway I hope things are resolved as soon as possible - all the best.
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 19th Apr 19, 7:21 AM
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    Savvy sewing
    Home alone, and I should be enjoying it. But I don't.
    Dgd is coming home today. I am working this morning and will probably bring work home to do either tonight or tomorrow afternoon. If the children are away it will be possible to sew in the front room. DS can sleep in the boys bed tonight if he bothers to come home after work.
    He is spending a lot of time with another family with children as far as I can see.
    I feel like I have been through a steamroller at the moment and there is masses of work to be done at the shop.
    My bath did help me relax and I was in bed just after 10pm. Although I was up in the night, I did manage to sleep and get back reasonably quickly.
    Here is to better days ahead.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • hb2
    • By hb2 19th Apr 19, 3:41 PM
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    hb2
    Mooloo, 'Dreaming' has a point. We learned that my son had very poor short-term memory and needs to be given one instruction at a time. In fact, I know that the same applies to me - for example when asking directions - my eyes glaze over and I get lost after one instruction (even though I actually have a very good short-term memory!). Maybe your son is overwhelmed by having so many things to deal with and would cope better with being given just one thing to do at a time?

    I'm glad your bath helped you relax last night and hope you can get some down-time over the long weekend.
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 20th Apr 19, 11:42 AM
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    Savvy sewing
    Dgd is home, life as we knew it is slowly returning.
    DS is not around much as he's working this weekend. I briefly saw him yesterday when he took some garden chairs across to my Mum for me.
    My friend popped round yesterday evening and we had pizza etc for tea, and the kids were on Xbox.
    I have managed to sort out a couple of men's suits that were too small on the waistcoat by adding a stripe down the sides, letting the trousers out by 2" and shortening them yesterday, as the suits came incorrectly and the wedding is at the weekend. Happy to have been able to help and take the stress out of their day.
    Today I have done several fittings, and am about to do a bride whose wedding is soon, and this morning she had a fitting somewhere else and they basically told her to wear higher shoes, her sisters dresses are here with me, so her Mum contacted me in tears, and I have assured her that she can come here, ( a couple of hours away), and I will wait for her and do her fitting when she can get here, and not to panic.
    So I seem to be able to keep a cool head, make people feel better and sort out their problems easily. I wish I could do the same for myself.
    I am looking forward to taking some time off this afternoon and enjoy the sunshine, and will do some work tonight, as the kids are not back until tomorrow after 12.
    The exgf is bombarding DS with calls and messages, and he is getting fed up.
    Yesterday afternoon she said that he had to take one of the children to the hospital at 7pm as he had been stung on the hand.
    Erm No.
    Remove the sting, treat with a cold compress. Take piriton possibly if there is a mild reaction. If he was in anaphylactic shock or something then she should call the paramedics. If she wants custody of the children then when they are in her care it is up to her and her family to do things. Why wait from 3pm till 7pm? Oh yes as DS starts work at 7pm so he would loose his wages, at best and loose his job at worst.
    Now she's demanding changes to the contact collection time and place set by the court. No, although if it helps he has offered to collect them from the house, as she said she can't afford to get to the collection point.
    She has asked Biggest to have the children while she does an intensive driving course. Said DS wouldn't do it. But she didn't ask him to cover an intensive course, she asked for him to have them while she has a driving lesson, ( which she was planning to have at a time when DS was working!
    She should be having lessons when she doesn't have the children in her care. Ofcourse DS will have them if she is on a course, and I would babysit when he is at work, but to expect him to not work at the drop off her hat, is a noway. She's trying to be awkward.
    The tyre fitter couldn't say for definite that the tyres were tampered with, but he also thought it very unusual for two to go at the same time.

    I think I am getting very cynical about things now.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 21st Apr 19, 9:52 AM
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    Savvy sewing
    Sitting in the garden with a glass of water. Sun cream on. My lawn mower is battery, so only lasts 30 minutes and dies. So I have done my allotted time and it's back on Charge. Dgd doesn't want to seethe lifht of day. DS has gone out and probably won't be back before he gets the children. Not thrilled because he has only just told me his hours have been moved forward from 6pm start to 3pm start. So that means I am left doing the children and that will mean I will be too tired to do my sewing this evening.
    My dilemma is I could set up now, and do an hours worth, but it all needs packing away before little fingers arrive, or I can enjoy the sun and worry about working tomorrow!
    Except writing that down I realise that the children will be in my care again tomorrow as DS has extra work being a bank holiday and great weather.
    So looks like I am headed back inside to work now after all!
    Or if I leave it I will be stressed at all the work I have to do as it's very busy at work. I am still playing catch up from my little trip .
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 21st Apr 19, 3:31 PM
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    Savvy sewing
    So I did a few alterations until the children came back.
    We have been out in the garden for quite a while, but I came in about 3.45 as it was too hot out there.
    Dgs is watching Thomas the tank engine and the baby has fallen asleep on the sofa. All that fresh air.
    Dgd has gone out with her friends at last. Glad she's not on the Xbox on such a good day.
    Just cooking pasta and bolognese ready for the kids . Not sure if I will have any as I had a salad at lunchtime.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • hb2
    • By hb2 21st Apr 19, 3:52 PM
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    hb2
    Mooloo, I hope you were able to do enough work to keep the guilt monster at bay! I'm sorry that you are doing rather more child-sitting than you had anticipated

    It is another glorious day here. Son is home for the weekend so we (son, OH and I) went out and had lunch by the sea
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 21st Apr 19, 5:37 PM
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    Savvy sewing
    Kids running amuck in the bedroom. As fast as I try to settle them, they jump out of bed again and start making each other laugh!
    5 minutes before I decided to put them to bed they were rubbing their eyes and getting sleepy!
    I hope that I am not worn out before they are, but I am not sure if I will win this one!!!
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 22nd Apr 19, 7:22 AM
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    Savvy sewing
    Wonder what today will bring?
    I had plans but I don't seem to be on the same page as everyone else these days.
    I have been hibernating in my room with my tea and reading. Allowing DS to deal with the children.
    I have a list of todo's, wants, musts and shoulds , but a reluctance to get moving!
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 22nd Apr 19, 7:55 AM
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    BrassicWoman
    Mooloo, please take this as coming from a place of concern for you.


    For all that you had made hard decisions about not taking on extra children, you seem to have taken on extra children. And I know you agonised over this for weeks!



    Single parents organise babysitters and childminders for when they need to work.



    Maybe DS needs reminded of this? You seem to have slipped into the carer role simply because he needs a carer. It does not have to be you all of the time...


    You are entitled to your own life!
    May 19 grocery challenge 100.79/ 200
    • elisamoose
    • By elisamoose 22nd Apr 19, 8:16 AM
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    elisamoose
    I know for DS it is not quite as simple as hiring a childminder or asking a friend.When children are on a child protection plan and subject to public law outline procedures , everyone who cares for them has to be DBS checked or undertake an assessment.
    • hb2
    • By hb2 22nd Apr 19, 9:10 AM
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    hb2
    Yes, I was thinking what Brassic Woman said Mooloo, you have very quickly become sole babysitter for DS's children - sometimes without warning and, it seems, always without prior consultation. You can only stretch an elastic band so far before it breaks . . .
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 22nd Apr 19, 10:15 AM
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    pollyanna 26
    I've been away for a few days so just had a quick catch up. Totally agree childminders etc aren't an option in the present circumstances .


    I can see why posters are talking of ds feeling overwhelmed . However there was a clear order of dealing with things that needed sorting. Apart from court which he handled well on his own the two main priorities on his list were sorting the bank situation including opening a basic account in a bank unconnected to his present one.
    It still isn't clear if any cards the gf was using were jointly held or solely in his name .


    The 2nd priority was contacting a decent free debt service . I suggested Stepchange but there are a few other decent choices . It isn't clear if that has been done and any debt put into an affordable monthly arrangement .


    The fact is if he's not sorting things properly it does become overwhelming when other things are on the list. He's very aware Mooloo will help and advise him even though only he can deal with the bank and debts.So he has support and back up but reading about him not coming home and not letting her know is downright rude.


    Looking at the time she sent him a text she should have been fast asleep and not trying to get in touch with him .
    I may be wrong but it looks as though he's avoiding dealing with urgent things which I can understand in a way . Nobody wants to be in such situations but the fact is you can run but you can't hide and everything escalates to a higher level , charges mount up and things are harder to untangle.


    Reading about Mooloo mowing the lawn while knowing she had a lot of work to get through made me wonder why he couldn't have mown the lawn while she sat in the sun for a while before starting sewing. He could still have gone out afterwards .


    I really wish I could post something positive . Of course he's entitled to a bit of down time but it looks as though he's not seeing the bigger picture and doing the important stuff too.


    You spoke of yourself as his host a few days ago Mooloo. You aren't running a hotel or guesthouse although they too have rules . You're his mum , you have dgd to care for and Sats2 will be happening in a few weeks. He and the little ones are living in the family home officially which has involved you contacting both housing and hb so your benefit can be adjusted . Basically he needs to act like a family member , not go walkabout when he pleases and give you reasonable notice of any changes to his shift times.
    pollyx
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 22nd Apr 19, 9:56 PM
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    Savvy sewing
    Mooloo, please take this as coming from a place of concern for you.


    For all that you had made hard decisions about not taking on extra children, you seem to have taken on extra children. And I know you agonised over this for weeks!



    Single parents organise babysitters and childminders for when they need to work.

    Maybe DS needs reminded of this? You seem to have slipped into the carer role simply because he needs a carer. It does not have to be you all of the time...


    You are entitled to your own life!
    Originally posted by BrassicWoman
    Unfortunately not.
    I suggested a babysitter, my Saturday girl with her Mums back up, but social frowned upon it. Basically vetoed the possibility. Despite my knowledge of the family etc
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Savvy sewing
    • By Savvy sewing 22nd Apr 19, 10:05 PM
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    Savvy sewing
    Yes, I was thinking what Brassic Woman said Mooloo, you have very quickly become sole babysitter for DS's children - sometimes without warning and, it seems, always without prior consultation. You can only stretch an elastic band so far before it breaks . . .
    Originally posted by hb2
    I chose to put my foot down and refused to babysit today, at breakfast he said his hours 6-till close had been changed to 12-6.
    I refuse to babysit. I said I had plans and also that I could not cope.
    DS was not home before 3am so I was up and down, baby woke at 6.45 am and I had to take him down stairs to his Dad and wake him.
    I decided enough was enough, said I had made plans and went out for the day.
    It did mean DS lost work but actually it also meant he had to stay home with the kids and not disappeared.
    ( I felt guilty, but I had also felt trapped, if I had not been reading about assertiveness while drinking my tea, I would have not rebelled.
    Instead I got to drive my convertible with the roof down, and walk by the river on a glorious day.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 22nd Apr 19, 10:15 PM
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    pollyanna 26
    Good for you Mooloo . You driving with the roof down reminded me of Lucy Jordon driving through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in her hair. If you don't know the song google The Ballad of Lucy Jordon , she never did get to drive through Paris and it ended with lost dreams and hopes . A good reason to stand firm with your dreams and plans and stand strong when others actions may not be what you need.
    Wishing you a peaceful night .

    pollyx
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