Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone
Comments
-
Never no matter what? Even if she told you that she was away to spend the week-end at a friend who lives in the country and discovered that she'd taken her passport and came back with a tan? If the doorman knocked on the door with a bunch of roses and a message addressed to her and when she got them, she acted all mysterious about it? Or if you found some male underwear that didn't belong to you in the washing? All this and more within a few weeks? You wouldn't question what was going on and ask her about any of these things?Nor would I have any suspicions of her.
Is that because you think that there is no way, ever, not possible that she could one day have an affair?
Genuinely questioning because my experience is that even people you least expect, those who seem to be the most in love with their partner, who never seem to pay attention to any strangers, do end up having affairs to. Or if not affairs, come out having lied for years about something that was totally unexpected (spending, cross-dressing etc...).
As I've said before, I really cannot imagine my OH having an affair, I really can't for every reasons that would make someone have one, but I would never say that it's impossible, so even though it wouldn't come to my mind to 'snoop' on him right now because there are no indications whatsoever that he might be up to no good, if the above instances started to creep up and more, I personally would think I'd be a fool to ignore it.0 -
Never no matter what? Even if she told you that she was away to spend the week-end at a friend who lives in the country and discovered that she'd taken her passport and came back with a tan? If the doorman knocked on the door with a bunch of roses and a message addressed to her and when she got them, she acted all mysterious about it? Or if you found some male underwear that didn't belong to you in the washing? All this and more within a few weeks? You wouldn't question what was going on and ask her about any of these things?
Is that because you think that there is no way, ever, not possible that she could one day have an affair?
Genuinely questioning because my experience is that even people you least expect, those who seem to be the most in love with their partner, who never seem to pay attention to any strangers, do end up having affairs to. Or if not affairs, come out having lied for years about something that was totally unexpected (spending, cross-dressing etc...).
As I've said before, I really cannot imagine my OH having an affair, I really can't for every reasons that would make someone have one, but I would never say that it's impossible, so even though it wouldn't come to my mind to 'snoop' on him right now because there are no indications whatsoever that he might be up to no good, if the above instances started to creep up and more, I personally would think I'd be a fool to ignore it.
No. Never.
It's because I know her and us. It's just not going to happen. Maybe because we are older - but, much more likely, it's because we are happy, settled and content with each other and our relationship. And we trust each other and are open and honest. If there was a problem we'd discuss it - not follow the other person or get ourselves in a state worrying about something that may or may not have happened.
Personally, I am much happier going through life with that outlook than the "what if" "doubt in the back of the mind" attitude that seems to pervade here. That just eats away at you.
And, yep, I know couples where the unthinkable happens as you have mentioned. But I also have friends who have been together for ages, trusted each other and have lived happily ever after. Contrary to some opinion.
To add. This is on her. As I've said there were communication issues in my previous relationship. She had to work on me when we first met to articulate how I felt, if there was a problem etc. And to stop me saying sorry all the time!0 -
AnotherJoe wrote: »Whereas, had he had the wit to leave it underneath a seat it would have been "oh thats where it was, ive been looking for that thanks"
and been able to open the locked doors
0 -
But I wouldn't have asked. I trust her.
The point was about how she would have reacted if she had found out I'd snooped on her. She would have said if I had a problem with anything to talk directly to her about it. And the excellent post by 74jax underlines this.
Think your OH handled it well. Because you thought something was going on and you weren't prepared to talk openly about it. Double lack of trust there. It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, either. As you demonstrate you can work through it
But with theOP and her previous thread I think that relationship is dead in the water
Well I agree with you that in the OPs case, her relationship is not going anywhere.
However, whereas 74jax did what was right for her and great, it entirely depends on the other person As I said, if I had asked Mr Bugs, the answer would have been no, even though he was having an affair. From thinking to finding out, was three weeks. If I hadn't snooped, or if I'd asked and accepted the negative, then I'd have spent months in increasing unhappiness, feeling something was wrong but unable to find out. What would have been the point of that?
Every situation is different and it's very difficult to put years of personal knowledge and nuance into a short post!:)0 -
Everyone 'knows it's not going to happen' until it does :rotfl:It's because I know her and us. It's just not going to happen. Maybe because we are older - but, much more likely, it's because we are happy, settled and content with each other and our relationship. And we trust each other and are open and honest. If there was a problem we'd discuss it - not follow the other person or get ourselves in a state worrying about something that may or may not have happened.0 -
fairy_lights wrote: »Everyone 'knows it's not going to happen' until it does :rotfl:
+1
Yup. And when they find out its usually a combination of shock, surprise and breach of trust that hits them.0 -
+ 2.
It is naïve and a tad 'superior' to think there is no way something like that could possibly happen in your perfect little lifeThe opposite of what you know...is also true0 -
fairy_lights wrote: »Everyone 'knows it's not going to happen' until it does :rotfl:
But then, of course, it doesn't happen to "everyone".
:rotfl:
Perhaps it's more likely to happen if you think it might and act all suspicious - making your other half uncomfortable.0 -
-
Well I agree with you that in the OPs case, her relationship is not going anywhere.
However, whereas 74jax did what was right for her and great, it entirely depends on the other person As I said, if I had asked Mr Bugs, the answer would have been no, even though he was having an affair. From thinking to finding out, was three weeks. If I hadn't snooped, or if I'd asked and accepted the negative, then I'd have spent months in increasing unhappiness, feeling something was wrong but unable to find out. What would have been the point of that?
Every situation is different and it's very difficult to put years of personal knowledge and nuance into a short post!:)
Quite agree. We all have different scenarios and life experiences. Me and her have had our fair share of relationships over the years. Quite a few not that great. And, there is no right or wrong way depending on the situation.
But I think my bottom line is that, in general, it's best to try and talk about a problem first. I am with you that there is unlikely to be owning up but at least expressing your feelings and concerns gives the other chance to explain (as in 74jax's case). If, after that, still suspicions exist go to the next phase - snooping - if that is it.
0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.7K Spending & Discounts
- 235.2K Work, Benefits & Business
- 607.9K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173K Life & Family
- 247.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards