Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

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Comments

  • jaybee
    jaybee Posts: 1,555 Forumite
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    Oh wort. How true are your words. It's as though we are the same person (not that I would wish anyone to be like me!!)

    Sooo . . . tomorrow I will make that appointment.
  • Elona_2
    Elona_2 Posts: 361 Forumite
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    jaybee

    Well done on making the appointment. The chance to just be able to cry and say how we really feel without the need to put on a brave face and not feel we are burdening someone is such a help. It is not about the things well meaning people say or pat solutions like get out more, meet people etc which can feel like an extra burden in itself.
    Think of it as a safe space where you can be yourself without having to conform to what someone else (or even you) expect.

    Hugs
  • jaybee
    jaybee Posts: 1,555 Forumite
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    Wise words elona - thank you. Sometimes I find the supposedly motivating comments actually make me feel that I am failing. I think that the well meaning *outsiders* (ie the ones who haven't experienced this) really don't know what to say.
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 12,492 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    I am re-reading a book I bought a few months after I became a widow. I read it then and it was incredibly helpful, so many similarities about what widows are going through. I have just started reading it again after a two year gap and am still getting comfort from it. It is called widow to widow. Mine is on kindle. I highly recommend the book

    Jaybee, lots of hugs from me, it such early days for you, we all deal with becoming a widow in our own way, as best we can.
  • jaybee
    jaybee Posts: 1,555 Forumite
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    Thank you kittie.
    It is so helpful and comforting to be among all the kindred spirits on this thread.
    I have read Widow to Widow and, like you, have found it honest and helpful.
  • wort
    wort Posts: 1,672 Forumite
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    Jaybee I'm pleased you feel able to make an appointment, I hope you find it helps.
    I cried through the whole of 3 of mine, just pouring out all the injustice, really left me drained but it's so cathartic, to get it out.
    I agree people don't know what to say, it's such a difficult thing to speak to someone who's been bereaved. Some people ignore the fact altogether and don't mention it! So don't feel you're failing, you're very strong, this is still early days and we are surprisingly resilient .
    Much love.x
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
  • wort
    wort Posts: 1,672 Forumite
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    I think I mentioned already the book my sister gave me,
    Death and how to survive it written by Kate Boydell
    It's written with humour running through it, and even though her circumstances are different , some things definitely rang true.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
  • jaybee
    jaybee Posts: 1,555 Forumite
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    Yes - I have also read Death and How to Survive It. I am always reading something and it is especially good when something helps or can be applied to our own lives (even if it's fiction).
  • lessonlearned
    lessonlearned Posts: 13,337 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    Jaybee.....well done on deciding to see a counsellor. I hope you get the help and support you need. . And I agree reading bereavement books can help too.

    Well I am really glad this week is over. Lots of memeories stirred up by Stephen Hawkings death and yesterday was the anniversary of my mother!!!8217;s death.

    My sister had to go and post her usual drivel on Facebook, and even used my photo without my permission. :mad: If she wants to pour out her angst on FB then I guess that is her prerogative, I just wish she would not involve me. If I say anything she will just accuse me of being unfeeling and cold hearted.......so I will just keep quiet.

    Anyway I am off to London tomorrow, staying overnight. Assuming the weather is ok...Then on Wednesday I start my college course. I am looking forward to that. Hopefully something to get my teeth into which will give me a new challenge and focus.

    One thing I have not mentioned on here is I fell into the classic trap of those recently bereaved........I became a bit cavalier about money. I guess it was the classic - oh well it is only money, it cannot bring him back. What is the point to being frugal and so on.

    This is all very true.......but only up to a point ........living alone can be nearly as expensive as two living together and although I am not on the breadline I am by no means wealthy. My actual income is quite modest and I have realised that I need to get a bit more savvy.

    So I am now getting back to my money saving ways. Thanks Kitty for helping me see the light and setting such a good example.:D
  • Elona_2
    Elona_2 Posts: 361 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    LL

    Your post has reminded me that even if something is a bargain it is still money spent so I need to keep checking on how things are mounting up.

    Have just arranged cheaper tariffs for gas and electricity fixed for three years so that is a good start.

    Hugs to all
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