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jo.anne
jo.anne Posts: 61 Forumite
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in Marriage, relationships & families
Bit of advice needed. Been married for 4 years and I love my husband and I feel confident that he loves me too. The problem occurs when he drinks excessively and then starts to message work colleagues with really rude sexual remarks. This is the second time in 3years that he has done this and the last time it included of a his work collegue sending rude pictures (which she said he asked for) at the time he said that he loved me and when he was drunk he did stupid things. Roll on 3years and just found texts to another one of his work colleagues saying he lusts after her and he thinks about her and the things he would like to do!!! I do believe my husband loves me and would never follow any of the actions through. In the morning I feel he will be mortified the texts he has sent and will no doubt apologise but I don't k ow how to handle the situation
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Comments

  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
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    If you are so certain that he only does this when he drinks excessively - take his phone away from him when he goes on a bender!
  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 9,338 Forumite
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    If he's not careful, he could lose his job too. One complaint to management, with proof, and he'll be in serious trouble.
    How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.31% of current retirement "pot" (as at end March 2024)
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,637 Forumite
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    Anyone else find it odd that the colleague he texted actually responded with a rude picture...
  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,921 Forumite
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    Why does he have the numbers in the first place?
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • Doodles
    Doodles Posts: 413 Forumite
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    He is being disrespectful and you are also being naïve here - what colleague would automatically respond with sending rude pictures just because they were asked?! Pretty obvious something is going on.

    Kick his a*se out the door.
  • BrassicWoman
    BrassicWoman Posts: 3,202 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Mortgage-free Glee!
    If I were his employer, I would sack him.


    Start making financial exit plans.
    2021 GC £1365.71/ £2400
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    Anyone else find it odd that the colleague he texted actually responded with a rude picture...

    Yes.

    But I've known it happen. Some workplaces can be a bit different!

    OP. How did you find out about these pictures/texts? Did he tell you about them or did you find them?

    Personally, given what you've said about the basis of your relationship (you love each other) I wouldn't be looking at the nuclear option advocated by some posters, just yet. A conversation about drinking and behaviour may be a good starting point.
  • mattpaint
    mattpaint Posts: 294 Forumite
    74jax wrote: »
    Why does he have the numbers in the first place?

    It would be very unusual not to have a colleague's phone number - in a professional environment anyway.
  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 11,905 Forumite
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    edited 16 February 2019 at 1:20PM
    You feel foolish? He's behaving like a drunken lout. Apart from how you come to read his texts, you have nothing to reproach yourself with.

    Please consider three things.

    This is not the first time he's been a drunken idiot (that you know of) & the tolerance levels for that sort of conduct have dropped like a rock in the last couple of years.

    It is not illegal, immoral, unsupportive or at all wrong to start a savings account he has no access to & perhaps even no knowledge of. Give yourself permission to have an exit door open & planned for and not used.

    Then talk to the man.
    He's being a prime idiot, it will definitely end in tears as a minimum & unemployment as a definite possibility - should he not take a PAYG dumbphone with just the house & a taxi company number when going out drinking?
  • Claddagh_Noir
    Claddagh_Noir Posts: 212 Forumite
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    As someone else said previously. He needs to be careful not landing in hot water at work on sexual harrassment charges.
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