Debt and Mental Health - How have your debts affected you?

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  • Teasedale
    Teasedale Posts: 45 Forumite
    If your income exceeds your outgoings, you just have to change one or the other. Tough decisions have to be made to get you back to a place where the sums add up. The danger lies in delaying the decisions.


    That's what I found anyway.
  • Willing2Learn
    Willing2Learn Posts: 6,286
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    BlueJay81 wrote: »
    ...we have been living on 1 wage which isn't enough to cover our outgoings. Including our Trust Deeds.

    Our mortgage is in arrears also and most months direct debits fail as well as having to rely on family and sometimes friends to loan us money for food.

    The upshot is that my wife's mental health has reached a point where she is so unwell that she is longer able to cope with life in general and can't see past the worst case scenario in every problem.

    She knows she is unwell but can't seem to get the help she needs, and I need to go to work so can't be there for her to give her time to recover and get better.
    Hi BlueJay81 and welcome to the forum :)

    Has your wife seen her GP about her mental health? It sounds like she may be in need of some support. Medication can often be a part of the solution as can talking therapies. Your wife could ask her GP to refer her to IAPT for talking therapy. :)

    As far as your debt is concerned, I would suggest contacting StepChange or any of the other free debt counselling services for advice and support. In the meantime, you may want to open up a new thread, posting up your SOA (Statement of Affairs) so that we can see the exact nature of your situation, advising you accordingly. If you do decide to post up your SOA, please can you remember to click on the 'format for MSE' button at the bottom of the form. Thanks.

    http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php
    I work within the voluntary sector, supporting vulnerable people to rebuild their lives.

    I love my job

    :smiley:
  • Hello, I am very sorry to hear that. I am going through the exact same situation you described and I'm very scared of that future looks like for me.. I'm 18 and got many invoices I can't keep track of because someone bought services and products in my name. I'm studying to be an engineer someday, but the debt, fear and stress that these invoices gives me, is more than I can bear. I also ask myself "what-if"-questions.. what if they never find the thief? what if I'm the one holding accountable for all the purchases made by a stranger? what if I can't pay my college fees because of this? My parents aren't very rich, and the law will always need proof in order to prove that I'm not the one making these purchases, which I don't have. I'm worrying myself to the brink of my last energy. I'm usually a very cheerful person, but lately I have been getting suicidal thoughts…. I want to cope with this somehow.. thank you for taking your time to read.
  • Vermillion wrote: »
    I had a really damn good credit rating, paid everything on time and money in the bank. Then a nutcase neighbour decided to start moving fences, taking land whilst away on holiday and came back to carnage! The result was four years spent in the solicitors offices and Courts. The toll has been beyond words. My physical health has suffered, I lost my job and at times my sanity, but you know I will be okay.

    I had to turn to credit cards to pay the legal bills. Having invoices come in from the solicitors for £7,000.00 at a time - I kid you not - it get damn frightening especially when you are working flat out, having next to nothing just to pay legal fees. I won the case, got my land back, but I did not get my legal fees returned - rought justice eh!

    At some of my lowest points I stand in the kitchen and squeeze my fists tight into a ball look upwards and say "I am going to be alright" and I believe I will. I just have one crappy debt hanging over me now but it has cause me worry and anxiety. Yes I am sacred whats going to happen to me - but I do have some fab friends. I am staying with one at the moment who is a fellow MSE contributor and she is helping me. Sometimes its just having someone to look after your inner child is all thats needed - someone to talk it through with.

    Through the worst I have had little sleep, gone to bed at 10pm slept hard until 1am then been awake worrying and pacing until 4am. Just constant fear and worry that drove me to some pretty dark places.
    I have at times felt very, very alone.

    I also have my faith and despite what others think it has kept me on an even keel through some pretty dire times. I still have faith that somehow it will all work out in the end.

    thank you for sharing, I'm feeling the same kind of hopelesness as you, but I will try to move on too. I got so many unsettled debts because someone used my ID and personal information to buy things off the internet, I have no way to prove that i'm not responsible for these charges and this thing alone take so much energy from me, If i'm being held responsible for these charges, then I don't know what will happen to me... I can't use and mistreat my parents love and hard work to pay off these debts for me... I just can't
  • secrow wrote: »
    In short, my mental health has been eroded almost to the point of no return. I think daily about how much I am worth once dead. The things my family could do with the death in service benefits that come with my job.

    I used to worry about not having the latest phone or not being able to go out with friends. Worry about my children not having the right trainers or the latest game. On reflection, those frivolous worries were not stress inducers at all. Now I have real fear, real worry and very real dark thoughts. The days are dark, long and arduous. I am not the man I was three years ago, let alone the happy go lucky, sociable man that my wife married twenty years ago. The last three years have brought me to a position of hopelessness that I have never experienced and I have had a hard life, growing up in and out of care, brief flirtation with teenage crime and ill health to name but a few things. In the past there has always been light at the end of the tunnel, this time however, I fear there is not.

    When the cuts come into effect in April 2016, I will be £2472 worse off per year (according to the government’s own prediction calculator), I am currently struggling with basic living costs, I have had Bailiffs at the door on numerous occasions and recently lost my little rust bucket of a car (150,000 miles and eleven years old) to said Bailiff. It didn’t even cover a third of the debt but he took it anyway. Last year I owed the DVLA the princely sum of £25.78 (trying to limp through to payday to pay the road fund licence), they crushed the car. (If you are wondering how I kept getting cars, my friend owns a garage and has been very sympathetic in finding me cars that are safe and roadworthy for a pittance, no more than two hundred pounds in cost to buy and allowing me months to pay him back.)

    When these cuts come in, I have no idea what I will do. I am already on the verge of bankruptcy, struggling to buy even basic items, food, clothing, and school costs etc. Facing committal to prison for not paying council tax is having an impact on my mental health as is the constant knowledge that I can no longer provide my wonderful children with a decent level of childhood living. I have sold everything of value that I own, a lifetimes worth in fact, I have nothing left. All for a fraction of the true value.

    I work full time and in the past I have worked extra jobs (two full time jobs once) when money was tight. The last time I took a second job, there was an error in the PAYE tax system that resulted in a big tax bill for me which was collected in large amounts from my main wage. Crippling doesn’t cover it. Unable to pay a speeding fine (34 in a 30mph zone with a diarrhea ridden child in the back) it escalated to over four hundred pounds and was eventually taken in one go direct from my wages, another visit to the loan shark ensued which in itself affected my mental health, the loan shark has no customer service skills whatsoever.

    I am diabetic and should eat accordingly, I consider myself lucky to eat some days. I cannot get an appointment to see anyone to discuss mental health as the NHS is currently ready to burst within its own barrel of financial stress. There is no light at the end of this tunnel for me, more likely the tunnel has already collapsed on my time as a normal member of society. I fear I will not make it too long past April 2016, I gave it my best, worked hard and still do but ultimately I failed. This all makes the comments from Cameron and Osbourne about ‘aspirational’ Britain harder to swallow. I aspire to live. To exist at least but come April, that will become impossible.

    I am a working, law abiding, family man who has raised and delivered two law abiding, taxpayers already and the rest of my wonderful children will go on to be exactly the same, I have no doubt.

    I feel like I am a disease and this government is trying to eradicate me.

    Judge for yourself if debt has affected my mental health.

    I'm truly sorry to hear that, I wonder how you are doing now? Is everything fine?
  • Hi everyone

    I'm new today and this post is very close to home for me. I have a large amount of cc debt, around £25,000 and my debts have affected my mental health and my mental health has affected my debts.

    I joined here as I struggle to talk about my debts with most people for fear of being judged. I've built the debt up through various things, one of the toughest ones to admit though is I spend on others because I want them to think of me in a positive way, to be liked. It's the way I briefly have self esteem, if others praise me then I feel good for awhile.

    So I'm tackling both head on now, my debt and my mental health and I think it's great for mse to highlight this area too.

    Good luck to everyone on here and remember you aren't alone

    X
    I wish I had someone to talk to, too. It's really a tough situation for both of us i guess.
  • Hello everyone,

    Not sure if this is right place to post this but I will be starting my DMP shortly with StepChange but I am really concerned about having to deal with my creditors over the phone. I don't mind emails or letters but I am very emotional right now and very deeply depressed.

    I have been to my GP who did not hesitate to diagnose me with depression. I have started taking anti-depressants and will be getting therapy soon too to help but I am physically sick with worry about having to contact my creditors.

    I don't want to play the sympathy card by any means but can I advise my creditors if I am finding it difficult to speak to them? Can I offer to call back? I am really dreading this part of my DMP.

    Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
  • NowInspired
    NowInspired Posts: 59 Forumite
    edited 22 August 2018 at 8:14PM
    Hi
    You don't need to call them. I wont call or speak to mine on the phone either. Do everything in writing. That's what I've done.

    Tell them when you write to them that you will not deal with them by phone so they cannot phone you or text you, it must all be in writing :)

    And if you do think they may be calling (it has happened to me once or twice), ignore the phone and then block the number afterwards. You don't have to ever speak to them.
  • I really do feel for everyone on this forum. I'd give you all a hug if I could. You're not alone.

    My debts are self inflicted and came from a desperation to break out of the rat race and start my own business. It sounds so dramatic but life was just a dead loop of sitting at a desk wasting away for someone and I couldn't take it.

    I have, by my nature always been a very anxious person. No idea where it stems from but it's part of me and that's that... it does, regretfully cause me to bury my head in the sand and just ignore things. Worse thing is 'retail therapy' seems to be my default if I have money and debt makes me feel low. It's the worst possible thing and despite being fairly educated and understanding - I just can't articulate why I do this.

    I wish people would just email me so I can tackle it - opening a letter feels like a death sentence sometimes.

    I am getting out of all of this - hence the username thanks to my business becoming both profitable and reliable.

    It feels so good to just type this out and share a bit of where I'm at. Debt is such a taboo and money is a sign of success to most so I don't want to ever admit to friends and family that I have too much of the wrong one and not enough of the other one sometimes.
  • Willing2Learn
    Willing2Learn Posts: 6,286
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    ...Debt is such a taboo and money is a sign of success to most so I don't want to ever admit to friends and family that I have too much of the wrong one and not enough of the other one sometimes.
    I don't agree...Money is not a sign of success as there are plenty of wealthy people around the world who are fundamentally unhappy with life...Happiness, a sense of well-being is a sign of success... a sign that someone is successfully navigating their way through life... :)
    I work within the voluntary sector, supporting vulnerable people to rebuild their lives.

    I love my job

    :smiley:
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