Mother in law taking photos of inside my house

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  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,139 Forumite
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    So, why didn't you confront her and ask her? She could hardly have a go at you for looking thru her camera when she'd been taking photos of your home?
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    RebekahR wrote: »
    Yup you guys are right. Two wrongs don't make a right. I don't even go in the same room as her when she stays because she always always turns the conversation into some form of telling me off or criticism for not keeping my home picture perfect as it should be. I have 2 small children 7 and 4. If they get toys out they are told off and must only play with 1 at a time. And no paint, play dough or anything else is allowed out ever in her eyes. She moves, reads and sorts through paperwork thinking nothing of throwing anything away. Just yesterday I rescued 2 kids toys and something of mine from the dustbin. She says they have enough and won't be missed. Surely that is my call. This is just another jab at me to be able to go back to her friends with photographing evidence of how I don't keep the family home how it should be. It was a camera but yes camera or phone still is wrong.

    Why would you let someone like that stay over?
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 32,685 Forumite
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    RebekahR wrote: »
    Yup you guys are right. Two wrongs don't make a right. I don't even go in the same room as her when she stays because she always always turns the conversation into some form of telling me off or criticism for not keeping my home picture perfect as it should be. I have 2 small children 7 and 4. If they get toys out they are told off and must only play with 1 at a time. And no paint, play dough or anything else is allowed out ever in her eyes. She moves, reads and sorts through paperwork thinking nothing of throwing anything away. Just yesterday I rescued 2 kids toys and something of mine from the dustbin. She says they have enough and won't be missed. Surely that is my call. This is just another jab at me to be able to go back to her friends with photographing evidence of how I don't keep the family home how it should be. It was a camera but yes camera or phone still is wrong.

    Tell her there's two adults living in the house, and the one with the penis is welcome to put a bit extra into keeping it tidy if he wishes. :)
    (Rephrase if your partner isn't a bloke, obviously)
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • pollyanna_26
    pollyanna_26 Posts: 4,839 Forumite
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    Well I seem to be in the same paralell universe as Neil and maman. To be honest it sounds rather childish on both sides. OP wont be in the same room as mil who seems to do as she pleases. As for paperwork sort it and keep private paperwork locked away.


    This sounds like one of the bluelass threads that went on for ever becoming increasingly over the top. If you are genuine OP get a grip take control of your home and act like an adult . Respecting peoples privacy is a start however they behave to you.
    polly
    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.

    There but for fortune go you and I.
  • RebekahR
    RebekahR Posts: 5,980 Forumite
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    theoretica wrote: »
    Where is the OP's partner in all this? Can it be their job to ensure their home is up to their mother's standards before she visits - or otherwise stop the MIL finding fault.

    He shrugged it off. He said she can tidy when she gets here. He did a little but not much. He does the dishwasher daily and a little at the weekend otherwise nothing and I struggle to do it all. He seems to think it's all normal. Tbh if it's what your grown up with then yes you would. She asked on webcam before she came if the house was nice and tidy for her coming. Is it all clean and hubby said no.she went off on a rant ... The kids are at school all day you have loads of time. And he said don't be ridiculous she's not at home all day. (I'm dealing with my nan who is dying right now. So I'm at the care home in the afternoon and at her flat sorting stuff in the morning). Not her place to say what I do and when in my own home.
  • coffeehound
    coffeehound Posts: 5,658 Forumite
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    Serious transgression of a visitor's rights to go through personal items and throw things away. She sounds like a domineering MiL from hell. In the short-term could you fit a lock to the door to a room or cupboard where you can stash clutter and paperwork when she visits? In the longer term, I'd be looking at keeping her increasingly at arm's length and asserting control over when she visits.
  • gomer
    gomer Posts: 1,473 Forumite
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    Sorry to say this - your old man needs to grow some balls and tell her to stop interfering. That's the short & narrow.
  • coffeehound
    coffeehound Posts: 5,658 Forumite
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    gomer wrote: »
    Sorry to say this - your old man needs to grow some balls and tell her to stop interfering. That's the short & narrow.

    The son will have been brow-beaten into submission a long time ago
  • barbiedoll
    barbiedoll Posts: 5,326 Forumite
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    You should start treating her exactly as you would a naughty child. If she starts nit-picking about the state of your home (which is none of her business), put your hand up in front of her and say “stop that right now”. If she carries on, just walk away from her and out of the room.

    If she so much as touches any of your private paperwork or belongings, take it out of her hand and say “what do you think you’re doing? Leave our personal stuff alone. It’s not yours”. Do this in the tone of voice that you would use to discipline your toddler.

    If you find stuff in the bin again, keep it for next time she visits, and then pull her up on it. Tell her that she is not to dispose of anything in your house without your express permission.

    Cheeky old bat..she’d be getting a kick up the backside if she did that in my house. You need to start getting territorial in your own home!
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
  • Undervalued
    Undervalued Posts: 8,844 Forumite
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    edited 13 October 2019 at 6:41PM
    The trouble with these sort of threads is that we never get to hear both sides of the story!

    The OP presents / spins one set of "facts", presumably in the hope that lots of people will make sympathetic comments.....

    Yes, if the situation is exactly as described them most people would be upset. Being equally disrespectful, such as by going through somebody else's camera / phone without permission, is almost as bad (some might say worse)!

    What the MIL is alleged to have done is not a crime. There might theoretically be some possible civil remedies if she were to publish the photos (even by showing them to somebody else) but I can't imagine the OP is really going to go down that route.

    So, what are the options? Tell her that her behaviour is not acceptable (keeping in mind that the OP's conduct is not great either)? Or the more drastic option of banning her from the house, always assuming the OP's husband will agree as he presumably owns half!
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