Not sure what to do
Comments
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As for those calling him and addict and a junkie that's ridiculous. He is an occasional user of a drug, albeit and illegal one. I have a glass of wine or two at the weekend and that doesn't make me an alcoholic or an alcohol junkie just an occasional drug user.
I agree, its quite ridiculous isnt it0 -
If his cocaine use is an issue for you why did you choose to have a child with him 3 years ago? Why start a relationship 6 years ago with a cocaine user? Maybe you have lifted apart and the relationship isn't working but I don't think it's the cocaine use that's the issue for you.
As for those calling him and addict and a junkie that's ridiculous. He is an occasional user of a drug, albeit and illegal one. I have a glass of wine or two at the weekend and that doesn't make me an alcoholic or an alcohol junkie just an occasional drug user.
Priorities change when you have a child, and sometimes even more than you expect them to. The number of people in my social circle who said that having a child wouldn't change their life-style was ridiculous, and even the die-hards had to change eventually. Unless you have the simplest, most straight-forward of lives, it will never be normal life, just with a child in tow
I agree, he's not a junkie, but he is an addict. If he struggles to give that coke up for a fortnight, that's an addiction, albeit a mild one. If you had to give that wine up, would you struggle to do so? If it was upsetting your partner, would drinking that wine be more important to you, than your partner?0 -
Its probably a risk I'd take if I was single but not when a child is involved0
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Playing xbox and taking coke........nah0
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He tried to give up before, succeeded for a short time and then went back to it. Long term.
In most people's world that is an addict.2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.
2018 plans - reduce debt0 -
Some of the comments on here sound almost pro-cocaine. I'm quite shocked to be honest. No wonder the UK has a drugs problem.
Having children and taking drugs. Totally irresponsible. End of.
Do whatever you want when you are single. Ball game changes when you bring kids into your life.
Doesn't matter if he is an occasional user, addict, junkie, whatever.
I hope this OP helps him gets off the stuff for good, or leaves him. Anything in between is just too risky and the child deserves better.0 -
Surely, if drugs are such a big issue when children come along, that should be addressed before pregnancy? Would I want the father of my children to take coke? No I wouldn't which is why I would not choose someone who takes cocaine as a partner in the same way that I detest smoking so I wouldn't choose to go out with a smoker either.
I was merely making the point that there is a world of difference between someone who uses drugs be it cannabis, cocaine or alcohol recreationally and an addict. In answer to the question about whether I could give up wine, yes I could and have done for various reasons over the years. Whether I would give up a glass of wine at the weekend because my OH asked me to I'm not sure. It's the thin end of the wedge, what would I be asked to give up next? Although the chances of Mr Pixie asking me to give up alcohol are slim to none.0 -
Maybe. But then you'd have to rule out that people are responsible drinkers. If you do fair enough if not I can easily argue hypocrisy.
You don't have to rule out responsible drinkers (or smokers) because:
1. Both activities are socially acceptable for the most part, depending on the preferences of each partner
2. Both are LEGAL
I can understand why you might argue hypocrisy, but to be fair if cocaine ticked both of the above points (or at the very minimum point 2) then I would be happy to defend someone's right to take cocaine recreationaly. Because cocaine ticks NEITHER box, I find it hard to side with you.I've been thinking about this thread all night.
Why? Seems like you could have been a bit more productive? When I've finished this post I may check for a reply, but aside from that I'm not wasting any more time thinking about it.Morally questionable behaviour from the ops side:
Threatening to take a child away from their dad
Threatening to take someone's house from them
Ridiculing your husband
Controlling behaviour
Haven't read OP's posts, so have to take you at face value with the summary.
- Good on OP for threatening to take the child away from their dad who takes cocaine (as long as access is arranged, and the dad pays childcare, I'm fully supportive of OP).
- Take someone's house? 70% of the house is OP's. As long as the dad gets the cut of 30% or whatever he's entitled to, that's fine.
- Ridiculing? Had to go and read OP's posts and it all seems quite factual, little to no ridiculing...
- Controlling? I thought controlling would be more like telling the husband he can't sit downstairs and take coke whilst playing on the playstation all night? Seems like the total opposite?Morally questionable behaviour from the ops husband:
Takes cocaine on a friday night
Has a child?
Well, OP sort of hinted that husband is shutting himself away from the world on Friday night, and not even eating. I'd imagine that he is neglecting OP a bit here, particularly as they could instead maybe spend the night together?
Also, how is having a child a "morally questionable behaviour"? :rotfl: Gives off the impression that you are quite biased here, if you pay little attention to the points for his morally questionable behaviours....But the dad is the bad guy here? O and what do people think will have more of a detrimental behaviour on a child? A broken home or a recreational drug user who in all likelihood will do everything in his power to shelter the son from seeing anything?
The "broken home" will only affect the child (in the long run) if the DAD doesn't make an effort to stay in contact and look after the child. Same with the MUM.
The cocaine use is upsetting OP and that is going to foster resentment if they stay together. OP's fella is walking a very tight line at the moment and it could so so easily spiral out of control.
I'm a gambling addict (tackling it) and I've always thought that I could just have the odd small bet etc. I'm different to other gamblers, I won't get addicted! Its all bull like, if this guy is taking cocaine recreationaly then it is a very real and very serious situation which, in all likleyhood, WILL spiral out of control eventually. It sounds like he's using it to escape from !!!! instead of the social aspect, so he's halfway down the rabbit hole already.And then what do people think will lead this guy to using more cocaine? His wife taking his child and house from him? Or maintaining the status quo.
Or the arguments when OP starts cracking because they are putting up with something that they are unhappy with.There's a lot of blinkers in this thread. Ok saying leave etc but you can't possibly know the consequences of that.
Conversely, you can't possibly know the consequences of OP staying (but that hasn't stopped you from suggesting that the resultant "broken home" is going to adversely affect the child).
Ultimately, the OP has to make a decision based on what is right for:
- Her
- Her child
I'm going to be cut-throat here, but she shouldn't be !!!!!footing around with thinking about how the guy will feel. I frankly don't know whether staying or leaving is the answer here, but her priority should be on what SHE WANTS.As for the comments about keeping cocaine in a house with a 3 year old I'm assuming those people don't keep bleach in their house, don't keep dogs, knives, medication and alcohol? Well it's irresponsible if you do and have children isn't it? They all have the ability to and have killed considerably more children than those killed by cocaine (I'm guessing here)
Well, had a VERY QUICK look on https://www.ons.gov.uk/ (stores all of the death data for the UK) and I'm not convinced that death by the highlighted methods is actually greater than 1-3 a year!!
Please come back with some EVIDENCE of death rates. Frankly, no child is going to die from cocaine because people who take it WILL hide it from children. The other examples you gave I think pose a greater risk of DEATH/INJURY, but I very much doubt that the risk is significant enough.0 -
stuartJo1989 wrote: »Well, had a VERY QUICK look on https://www.ons.gov.uk/ (stores all of the death data for the UK) and I'm not convinced that death by the highlighted methods is actually greater than 1-3 a year!!
Please come back with some EVIDENCE of death rates. Frankly, no child is going to die from cocaine because people who take it WILL hide it from children. The other examples you gave I think pose a greater risk of DEATH/INJURY, but I very much doubt that the risk is significant enough.
One other thing to bear in mind is that a death or injury to a child from a household chemical or a household knife would be treated (and viewed) very differently by the Police and wider society than a death or injury to a child caused by an illegal drug that they'd found in their home. One would most likely be viewed as a tragic accident, the other would be viewed as very poor/potentially criminally irresponsible parenting.
Equally, as I said in my earlier post you'd be daft to ignore the potential consequences of long-cocaine use. The people OH knew who died were all dads with young kids. They weren't at all the kinds of people you'd think of as addicts or junkies, they were professionals who did a bit of coke at weekends and parties and it eventually caught up with them. Tragedies, IMHO, but you can't really deny that they were avoidable.0
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