Massive family problem & It's tearing me up. Needing guidance

13

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  • BrassicWoman
    BrassicWoman Posts: 3,201
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    I never used names I never said what happened ... I honestly literally wrote we're distant.

    I can't make amends , I can't talk it through. I try and talk to others at family events and apart from the initial "hey how are you" I'm forgotten about or that's just it.

    No hope in rebuilding:(

    Then all you can do is move on.
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  • z1a
    z1a Posts: 2,522
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    sheepy21 wrote: »
    What a horrid thing to say, OP is clearly upset and struggling, to tell them that is just not on

    Why? The OP is the common denominator in the story.
  • sheepy21
    sheepy21 Posts: 221 Forumite
    z1a wrote: »
    Why? The OP is the common denominator in the story.

    Some people have !!!!!! families it doesn't mean it's their fault! You need to think about what you say, being so blas! when responding to someone who is saying they don't know how to go on living, it's replies like yours that can tip someone over the edge. People have been known to kill themselves as a result of what complete strangers have said on the internet, imagine if you were responsible for that, think before you type
  • Nicki
    Nicki Posts: 8,166 Forumite
    Why did you create two identical threads but different titles in the same day in the same board?

    You do come across as rather hard work I'm afraid.
  • miriamac
    miriamac Posts: 2,175
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    Nicki wrote: »
    Why did you create two identical threads but different titles in the same day in the same board?

    You do come across as rather hard work I'm afraid.

    One of the threads was originally in the Arms, I think.
    What would Buzz do?

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  • Yeah I was told or advised to post in this section instead , I didn't know where to put it.

    I wouldn't of made 2 otherwise

    :( how am I 'hard work?
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  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,157
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    :( how am I 'hard work?

    Ignore them, they are trolls.
  • JWM
    JWM Posts: 454
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    cjdavies wrote: »
    Ignore them, they are trolls.

    Disagreeing with someone does not make you a 'troll'.

    It may be a harsh comment but the OP doesn't appear to have grasped the fact that it is HER choice to interact with her family. If she stopped talking to them or posting about them (as many people have said) then I do feel she would be much happier.

    We do appear to be going over the same ground somewhat.
  • fishybusiness
    fishybusiness Posts: 1,263 Forumite
    I can't make amends , I can't talk it through. I try and talk to others at family events and apart from the initial "hey how are you" I'm forgotten about or that's just it.

    Hopefully you have removed the social media posts now - it is a step in to moving on.

    I had a pretty crap unbringing, similar story to one or two others. My dad was an angry bully, control freak and a drinker - oh and he was as selfish as they come. My mum, well she is lovely but I'm sure was always teetering between sanity and insanity with her ideas.

    Anyway, took me until my thirties to begin to sort it all out, and it was painful, the realisations of how I had been treated, especially compared to my siblings. Moving on, I can say life does get better, somehow mourning the losses, rather than rejecting out of anger helps emotions settle.

    You'll no doubt find confronting those that have caused you pain won't work, likely they will resist and tell you all about you, and it is all your fault - it isn't worth it.

    I wonder if you can find a way in to therapy, and learn to take care of yourself, it really is possible to do.

    I hope it works out for you.
  • motorguy
    motorguy Posts: 22,452
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    I never used names I never said what happened ... I honestly literally wrote we're distant.

    I can't make amends , I can't talk it through. I try and talk to others at family events and apart from the initial "hey how are you" I'm forgotten about or that's just it.

    No hope in rebuilding:(

    My family have been like that. Ultimately i made the decision to cut them out of my life. I havent spoke to my brother in 11 years and my sister in a year.

    I wouldnt tolerate their behaviour from friends therefore i dont see why i should from family.

    BUT - there was no need at all to "go public" on a blog with their actual names. You could have put in different names if it was about getting your feelings out there. I think using names has done more harm than good.

    As people grow older it does just become about a "how are you?" at family events and thats about it. If they dont want to reach out and make better a relationship then you cant force them. Even if YOU reach out, that doesnt mean they will suddenly all become friendly again. I've tried it with my family and theres usually a bit of "yes lets try harder" but then no-one bothers.

    Also, finally, you are seeing everything from YOUR perspective. Everyone else has THEIR perspective, that doesnt make yours the correct one and theirs wrong.

    I would either remove the blog or family names from it as a start.

    If there is no interest from your family in any reconciliation then you need to accept that and move on - you can lead a horse to water...
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