Birthday celebrations - paying for own meal

Izadora wrote: »

I really don't see why she should have to pay for her friends to celebrate her birthday with her. People know in advance what the cost is and it's an invitation not a summons, they can choose not to go if they really don't want to.

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I'm in Bristol and grew up in London and we pay for our own food as well, so I don't think it's a northern thing.

We pay for our own food if it's going out for a meal with friends, even if it is an occasion.

But this isn't just going out for a meal with friends is it?. This a person who has booked a private function and chosen restricted a menu to their own tastes. Would you expect to pay at a wedding reception? Because this is what this is more similar to, not just friends getting together for a meal.

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

£40- you've got off lightly. I'm having to go to a cheesy weekend at a well-known holiday camp chain (bring your own towels), minimum 3 night stay, with a load of heavy drinkers who'll want to do a drinks kitty. I'm sick to death of big birthdays.

I think OUTvileJelly has the right attitude to this. After all, it's not really about what food you would eat, what present you would give - or even how you would spend £40, if it was your choice! It's about the person. If she's truly your friend, you will go, and keep your criticisms to yourself.

This is just about people, and how different they are. Some people demand a huge fuss and great inconvenience, on every birthday/celebration/job success/life event they can think of. They love the drama, and the feeling that people are doing it for them, and them alone. It makes them feel popular. Your friend obviously falls into this category!

Other people live their lives far less demonstratively - and mutter about the excesses of others! (and I include myself among them). But, unless you want to upset everyone and end up with no friends, you will go with the flow, pay what's asked (assuming you can afford it), and do your best to make your friend's birthday a HAPPY one.

I appreciate you're probably using this forum to vent all those frustrations, before pinning on a smiley face and pleasing your friend. We all do it! :rotfl:

I really hope you don't refuse to go, or start trying to alter the plan to suit yourself. Unless you don't mind losing a friend (or are a bit of a drama queen yourself!):)

I strongly believe the person celebrating and arranging the event should be mindful of the mix of people invited and set the budget accordingly.

Plenty of people think nothing of £40 and would spend more than that on a normal weekday night out or a takeaway. Others think it is a lot of money, particularly if it's not their thing or it seems poor value for money.

I've lost friends over money before (a similar birthday diva scenario to OP's and a collection for a work colleague where an expensive present was purchased by the boss without our prior consent and we were then all asked to pay more when we had already paid the "usual" amount), but then they were never destined to be BFFs and it's no loss for either of us because we clearly have different values in life.

I don't expect my genuine friends to pin me down like this, but neither would I ever try to do it to them. Different combinations of my groups of friends will or will not attend any one event, depending on if they're free and if they want to do that activity and no-one thinks any less of anyone for not going to something.

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree.
I don't think 2 pasta dishes out of 4 choices 'covers as many bases as possible'.

Unless they do gluten free pasta, it would rule out people with wheat intolerance.
And possibly people with dairy intolerance - both pasta choices sound like creamy sauces rather than tomato based.

In my experience if you contact the venue and explain you have an intolerance they are more than happy to accommodate you

It’s not that difficult

lauretta wrote: »

I really hope you don't refuse to go, or start trying to alter the plan to suit yourself. Unless you don't mind losing a friend (or are a bit of a drama queen yourself!):)

Why just follow the crowd like sheep?

If I was in OP's position I would suggest that I meet up with friend separately for a light lunch. That way OP can probably get away with paying around £7.00 to £15.00.

I hate large restaurant gatherings. Half the time you can even hear each other speak! Plus it's all over in a no time at all, which is usually a good thing!
I eat fresh home cooked food and consquently it is very noticeable that many restaurants are mostly using frozen food. You really can tell the difference.

When I hit 50 I decided that I wouldn't pay out for friends
birthdays presents and gatherings like money was never-ending.